Thé SCI forum that I belong to seems to have turned to the subject of sex, down to an 18 year old  ( and intelligent ) lad that’s injured, and wants to know as much as possible from the longer term injured blokes. The females are obviously free to pitch in as well, it being a mixed gender group.

The site is awash with factual details about post paralysis sex. For the injured males it’s something that is absolutely devastating to begin with – have you lost your ‘ maleness ‘ because you ‘ can’t perform ‘ like before ? I remember my first months/ years even  and the notion that you are incredibly diminished as a man, perhaps akin to being genitally mutilated for a woman, and also having masectomy surgery?

Years later and you have realised hopefully that whilst it’s very different, it’s not over.  I now understand that it’s apparently also the first thing  lots of people think – ‘ well does it still work down below ? I mean if he can’t feel anything, then presumably he never wants sex, right?’

To know what’s being discussed you’d have to be a member of the group. Some can still feel sensation below the waist to varying degrees – some in just a certain area only, and some not at all – like myself. For some Viagra works very well, and for some it doesn’t, regardless of sensation. Just because you cannot feel it obviously doesn’t mean that your girlfriend can’t, which changes the dynamic for sure – youre effectively watching her have sex with you, and you get your pleasure from her pleasure.

What is the general consensus though is that because it’s much more about giving than receiving, it is definitely not a case of Wham Bam thank you Mam, wipe it on the sheet, roll over and snore… anymore. All the mâles that have contributed have said that their women can’t believe their luck, and far from missing out, they feel very lucky…that the dynamic has shifted and they are the focus now. Thé paralysed girls haven’t been quite so forthcoming, and some have said that their Male partners have sometimes lost all interest ( as what’s the point if she can’t feel it ?) but others have said that their blokes are very happy indeed.

Whats for sure is that it definitely doesn’t have to be over if you don’t want it to be, and lots are extremely ‘ happy ‘ eventually, having come to terms with the ‘ new situation ‘

Personally – well that would be telling, wouldn’t it   . You’d have to ask my girlfriend why she’s always smiling, I imagine?

I posted the below to the SCI group of paralysed people I’m in –

So I read a fair bit about being wheat and dairy intolerant.
I have tried a lactose and gluten free diet for a month.
I must STRESS that pre injury I definitely appeared to have no issues with either food type ( though dairy did seem to make my hay fever worse )
Over the month i have had an elimination of the bloating I have had for 2 years and definitely less spasms.
My skin is also a lot smoother and I feel happier too?

2 days ago I had 2 ice creams (dairy ) and a beer ( wheat ).
2 hours later my stomach swelled up and my spasms were off the scale.

Folks, I think the evidence is pretty clear. Post injury we are far more susceptible to this crap.

Try it – you have to be disciplined but compared to losing the ability to move, who really gives a flying fuck about drinking milk products and beer …?

Russ

BIG shout out to Ken Curtis for his guidance.

Having been told by some to read a different book, I am, chosen by an amazing girl I know.  After all, I’m not the expert – im a novice here.

Fascinating so far!

As well as being funny. ..

( and this was sent to me by a lady, who had just congratulated me on my progress)

How come it took you 28 years to work out that women just need to be asked how they are/how their day was? Only took me 27.
M

I just,  by accident, put the telly onto Coronation Street.

A bald bloke was just shooting a woman in a wedding dress, and then he got stabbed immediately by another woman, right in his sternum, presumably leading to his death. I don’t know for sure as I turned over straight away.

The last time I even saw it briefly Hilda was talking to Stan about tea bags.

Christ. What’s the world come to?

So I had a pint of lager and I was fine.

I then had 2 ice creams, from a pack of 6.

My stomach bloated immediately almost, horribly.

I think that seals it – im definitely intolerant to dairy. I’ve not had any for a while and then I do, and BANG…

Knowledge is control.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/devotees-the-secret-world-of-people-with-a-fetish-for-disabilities-explored-in-documentary-a6930031.html

Devotees… aka The Enlightened…?

😂

What you, as a Male, have to ask them, as females, is ‘ how was your day?’

I can absolutely say, that in all my 51 years i had NEVER, until the last 2 days, asked anyone that question. In fact, on thinking about it, I realised and remember that when I was asked it, and it’s definitely only by females, I’d always think ‘ what kind of vague question is that, it’s a bit of a cop out sort of question that you’d ask if you weren’t really interested in thinking of a more specific and interesting question to ask me ‘ So (for me ) it was a slightly irritating thing to ask, and I’d always just say ‘ it was fine, thanks’ and that was it, as I just wanted to move on..to something less tedious and more exact.

I don’t know if all men think this way? Possibly or probably not – no idea, as I haven’t asked anyone Male, but it’s now apparent to me that for 50% of the population it’s the most important question a man could ask, and it would never lose that priority.

One of  the several ‘ reasons ‘ ( in the divorce petition from my Ex ) was this same thing. I wasn’t asking her how her day had been…I remember reading that bit and thinking that it was a really strange thing to have in there, as I hadn’t asked that question once in 28 or so years, so why was it suddenly an issue? Well suddenly now I think I get it. I think it was probably in there as a terrible crime for a man to commit, though only 50% of the world would even be aware that it was remotely bad?! So any female lawyer or Judge would definitely get it, as probably would any Male divorce lawyer, as presumably they are used to it being a ‘crime against the wife’. Presumably the Ex was advised to include it in the petition by her lawyer, as i’d certainly never said it to her,  and she wasn’t in the habit of asking me either, and that’s a definite ( although obviously she might have a different recollection, depending on the ‘ level of honesty ‘ expressed )

Anyway, I digress. What’s obvious is that men and women don’t think in the same way. What to a man (me) might be the world’s dullest question, is to a woman an opportunity to talk and ( more importantly ) be listened to, as that’s what they like a lot, and is usually the war cry ‘ YOU NEVER LISTEN ‘ ( meaning ‘ you don’t care about me’ ). To repeat, a man doesn’t have to actually say anything- just listen to the words ( or appear to ) that pour out of her lovely ( ish ) mouth. No advice or ‘ help’ is required- if you do that then you are effectively saying that you know better than her how to run her life… which is offensive to her, even though your motives are good.

So then, what a man can’t say is ‘ well I was only trying to help!’ ( as that’s what he thought she was asking for ) as that means you ‘ just don’t get it, do you, you condescending bas**** !’

What a complicated dynamic it is?! I was talking to my Male help about this, and he said ‘ and then there’s the one week in every 4 when everything you say is wrong anyway, plus the effects of the full moon…’ I think it would help if ladies told their men about the dates of their monthly cycle and we all knew about the lunar calendar too – but there I go again being logical and ‘finding a solution ‘ which is probably not what they want to hear either.

So id say it’s probably impossible to ‘ get on’ all of the time, but again knowledge is power.

Of course the other thing is that the ladies could also read the book to find out how a man thinks. I got my copy from my girlfriend, who definitely rated it very highly.

That might be regarded as an unrealistic expectation, depending on the calendar.. he wrote humorously ( for the benefit of any and all doubt )

I know for one that I am wiser for my read.

* post absolutely not meant to belittle the effects of the menstrual cycle or menopause, which I know are many, though am no expert on.