How come it took you 28 years to work out that women just need to be asked how they are/how their day was? Only took me 27.
M

I just,  by accident, put the telly onto Coronation Street.

A bald bloke was just shooting a woman in a wedding dress, and then he got stabbed immediately by another woman, right in his sternum, presumably leading to his death. I don’t know for sure as I turned over straight away.

The last time I even saw it briefly Hilda was talking to Stan about tea bags.

Christ. What’s the world come to?

So I had a pint of lager and I was fine.

I then had 2 ice creams, from a pack of 6.

My stomach bloated immediately almost, horribly.

I think that seals it – im definitely intolerant to dairy. I’ve not had any for a while and then I do, and BANG…

Knowledge is control.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/devotees-the-secret-world-of-people-with-a-fetish-for-disabilities-explored-in-documentary-a6930031.html

Devotees… aka The Enlightened…?

😂

What you, as a Male, have to ask them, as females, is ‘ how was your day?’

I can absolutely say, that in all my 51 years i had NEVER, until the last 2 days, asked anyone that question. In fact, on thinking about it, I realised and remember that when I was asked it, and it’s definitely only by females, I’d always think ‘ what kind of vague question is that, it’s a bit of a cop out sort of question that you’d ask if you weren’t really interested in thinking of a more specific and interesting question to ask me ‘ So (for me ) it was a slightly irritating thing to ask, and I’d always just say ‘ it was fine, thanks’ and that was it, as I just wanted to move on..to something less tedious and more exact.

I don’t know if all men think this way? Possibly or probably not – no idea, as I haven’t asked anyone Male, but it’s now apparent to me that for 50% of the population it’s the most important question a man could ask, and it would never lose that priority.

One of  the several ‘ reasons ‘ ( in the divorce petition from my Ex ) was this same thing. I wasn’t asking her how her day had been…I remember reading that bit and thinking that it was a really strange thing to have in there, as I hadn’t asked that question once in 28 or so years, so why was it suddenly an issue? Well suddenly now I think I get it. I think it was probably in there as a terrible crime for a man to commit, though only 50% of the world would even be aware that it was remotely bad?! So any female lawyer or Judge would definitely get it, as probably would any Male divorce lawyer, as presumably they are used to it being a ‘crime against the wife’. Presumably the Ex was advised to include it in the petition by her lawyer, as i’d certainly never said it to her,  and she wasn’t in the habit of asking me either, and that’s a definite ( although obviously she might have a different recollection, depending on the ‘ level of honesty ‘ expressed )

Anyway, I digress. What’s obvious is that men and women don’t think in the same way. What to a man (me) might be the world’s dullest question, is to a woman an opportunity to talk and ( more importantly ) be listened to, as that’s what they like a lot, and is usually the war cry ‘ YOU NEVER LISTEN ‘ ( meaning ‘ you don’t care about me’ ). To repeat, a man doesn’t have to actually say anything- just listen to the words ( or appear to ) that pour out of her lovely ( ish ) mouth. No advice or ‘ help’ is required- if you do that then you are effectively saying that you know better than her how to run her life… which is offensive to her, even though your motives are good.

So then, what a man can’t say is ‘ well I was only trying to help!’ ( as that’s what he thought she was asking for ) as that means you ‘ just don’t get it, do you, you condescending bas**** !’

What a complicated dynamic it is?! I was talking to my Male help about this, and he said ‘ and then there’s the one week in every 4 when everything you say is wrong anyway, plus the effects of the full moon…’ I think it would help if ladies told their men about the dates of their monthly cycle and we all knew about the lunar calendar too – but there I go again being logical and ‘finding a solution ‘ which is probably not what they want to hear either.

So id say it’s probably impossible to ‘ get on’ all of the time, but again knowledge is power.

Of course the other thing is that the ladies could also read the book to find out how a man thinks. I got my copy from my girlfriend, who definitely rated it very highly.

That might be regarded as an unrealistic expectation, depending on the calendar.. he wrote humorously ( for the benefit of any and all doubt )

I know for one that I am wiser for my read.

* post absolutely not meant to belittle the effects of the menstrual cycle or menopause, which I know are many, though am no expert on.

Fascinating stuff on the blog again. Sorry to hear about the disappointments that have come your way this month. Not many people would put themselves out there like you do, and be vulnerable – kudos. And, of course, your sage advice to men will never, ever, be properly engrained in us; no matter how hard we try. But try we must!
Given my questions above, your experience at the airport highlights for me that as hard as we try as architects we can always be let down by ‘ourselves/ humans’ which is most unfortunate.

Finally, many thanks for the shout-out to us gingers on May 19. Recognition is long overdue!

Funnily enough I was on the end of some ginger humour this afternoon at work. But as I’m heading to Beijing next week where we gingers are held in high regard due to our unique colouring [I hope that’s still the case anyway] I was able to let things slide!!

N

I have to thank Charlie P for suggesting I read that  book. I’d never in a million years thought that Charlie would be able to offer advice on the female sex, but there you go, I was wrong.

The most amazing thing is that it’s all really simple ( or at least the bits I’ve tried are, in the last few days )

The No 1 thing seems to be that females just want you to listen to them talking ( or at least looking as though you are ). And then ( and get this, fellas ) you don’t have to actually DO anything. You just have to listen and nod, maybe say yes, no, gosh, really and poor you… You don’t actually have to come up with any solutions or advice at all?! That’s actually the last thing they want you to do.

Its a male instinct to just think ‘ she’s asking me for a solution, so I’ll tell her what to do, by being helpful ‘ but actually that’s REALLY NOTwhat she wants- she just wants to tell you how hard her life is, and for you to sympathise.

How bonkers is that? Men will never understand the logic for sure, but that’s not the point. You haven’t got to be logical – you just have to listen.

Crazy but true.

And it works! I’ve been trying it, and all you get is smiles??! Seriously you couldn’t make it up.

Simples!

Russ my take on handling women

1. Dont try to win every battle just the war
2. Otherwise they think you are a twat and will bring there little incidents up ,as they remember all the detail, long after we have forgotten
3. Win the war when what you were thinking in 1 above comes true
4. women think they work harder ,have more to do – men stroll through life – no point in arguing just let them think that.
when we have to step in calmly and sort things out as men they know deep down they are wrong. all in all its best to bite ones lip knowing thex are talking bollocks but having the comfort inside of knowing you are right otherwise its endless confrontation and women find it hard to let things be in the part, unlike us.

The World According To Mickey Smith

Mood written in – reflective and calm .

I’ve been thinking about the words and phrases and things that I react adversely to.

Here they are – written with a smile btw.

1. ‘ Don’t hide behind your disability !’ ( from an able bodied person )

My reaction ? Is that it’s a cruel and condescending thing to say, and I’d do anything not to be disabled and not to have to ‘ use it’ at all.

2. ‘ It’s not a competition Russ!’ ( again said in reference to ‘ who is disadvantaged more ‘ – and from an able bodied person )

My impulse is to think  ‘ life is always a competition- like it or not – and if this is about who is worse off, out of you being normal and me being paralysed, then it’s probably me, you insensitive and condescending t*** ‘

3. ‘ Cheer up, there’s always someone worse off than you!’ ( from an able bodied person )

My reaction – well it’s not bloody you, is it, so shut the f*** up ‘

4. ‘ You’re lucky really… etc etc ‘ ( from a normal, able bodied person)

My reaction? ‘ Lucky?! How dare you say that. You’ve no fing idea how my life is ‘

5. Being shouted at

Wow, that one really gets me and best not done  That one goes back to childhood stuff, stuff which affects all of us, apparently, for better or for worse, though of course we only seem to ‘ dwell on’ the’ worse’ bit.

6. The ‘ Hi Russ, all good?’

Mmmm well that’s a fairly daft question, in the circumstances, isn’t it… but I am becoming ok with it, knowing it’s asked innocently. I’d still rather not be asked it though

7. The ‘ Ive been on my feet all day!’

Hmmmm poor you, I think, maybe rejoice in the fact that you can?

There are others, but I’ll add those later.

And-

Mood written in – happy

I realise that these reactions are all my own problems, and I can’t expect everyone to know, as I don’t know their sensitivities  either. Knowledge is power though…

Ive also just read that book- Men are from Mars, and Women are Completely Bonkers ( though the title looks different when you buy it )

My God, it’s an interesting read, and dare I say it definitely a book that everyone who is heterosexual should read, and probably all the rest too, assuming you have any contact at all with the opposite sex.

I’ve learned a lot! And it’s not that complicated either, surprisingly?! Far less complicated than life is not knowing the secret code to access the female brain. I think I may need to read it again, and regularly, to refresh my mind, so I may continue to navigate the highly dangerous waters of any inter-sex  contact.

Or I may move to Mars.

I bought 2 pairs of black leg sleeves/ warmers that keep my legs warmer so that they don’t spasm as much. I already had 1 pair, so that makes 3 pairs.

I have one pair of smaller ones for my arms.

I asked my Carer friend to put one of the new pairs on me today, and he did it with me lying on my front, so I didn’t actually see him doing it.

Later on I tried to pull them up a bit to cover more of my legs. They seemed to be very tight. I thought okayyyyyy well they would be tight, given they are the arm sleeves I’m wearing on my legs….

We do joke about the fact that if he had a brain he’d be dangerous… and I’m not kidding.

Bless him. X 😂