I went to see Ferrari the other day with my old mate Marky P. Access in cinemas is a bit hit and miss. Get it wrong and you end up right at the front about 15 feet from a 100 foot high screen. That’s like sitting 2 feet away from your telly
at home.

For Ferrari however the lift was working and we were at the back in a little box area. All good up there. Absolutely brilliant film. Best I’ve seen for a year or so. He was a bit of a lad was Enzo Ferrari, what with his fast car factory and his long term mistress / second family.
Go and see it. It’s quite a story.

Then last night Kerry MS and I went to see Prof Brian Cox speak in Richmond. Gawd he’s a clever fellow… just like all of those astrophysicist types… I know he did his best to dumb it down… but clearly not enough for myself! Still incredibly watchable though.
Among the things that stuck were that in all likelihood we here on Earth and probably the only planet like it in the entire universe. To achieve what we have here doesn’t just take the right temperature, minerals, elements etc but also critically requires the planet not to be regularly ( or even infrequently ) battered by asteroid impacts that destroy all life on a regular basis. THAT is a very key feature! Makes sense, right ?

So last night Gina and I went to deepest darkest North East London to see a band called De Staat. We met up with Leighton and Bev.

The Hackney Tap ( pub ) is, according to its website, wheelchair accessible. When I got there ( in the ibot ) the 2 front steps ( only way in ) are about 10 inches high, each. Whilst the ibot can do steps, it can’t do a virtual wall of 20 inches.
On the wall next to the main door there was a nailed on metal plate saying WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE. Relieved, I expected and waited for someone to come out with a large and long metal ramp…. that being the implication of the signage.
Imagine my surprise then when the disinterested staff member said that as far as he knew they didn’t have a ramp… I pointed out the sign only to receive a shrug… ok then!

Leighton n Bev were already there, had got drinks and had ordered food… therefore they didn’t really want to leave and go somewhere else ( understandably enough ).

But for me to get in was a challenge.

But wait… up steps Leigh ( Jones ) with a solution. Off he went and came back with ( wait for it ) .. some cardboard to build a ramp.
Yes… whilst it may not be the obvious material with which to build a ramp strong enough to support a wheelchair weighing 150kg and a bloke in it weighing 88kg… he set to work folding up the boxes.
Now I know what you’re thinking – that’s never going to work for God’s sake.

Then, Disinterested staff member suddenly appeared with a metal ramp, having phoned the person in charge of wheelchair ramps. The 20 inch elevation ( legally ) requires a ramp of of 160 inches length. That’s 13 feet and a bit ( about 4 meters ). The ramp he was carrying was at most 2 feet long ie a bit short. The ramp didn’t even go from the bottom to the top of the 2 steps.. but the fella thought I should have a go anyway.

Well knowing that a falling over ibot isn’t something I can leap from to save myself… I was reticent to try it.

However.. with Leigh’s origami skills with cardboard, and the climbing capability of the ibot… along with 3 people pushing me … somewhat unbelievably I ascended the completely 100% unsuitable structure, obviously wobbling precariously for the longest 5 seconds of my life. What Leigh is doing working in recruitment I’ll never know. What a waste 🙄

Looking very chuffed with his engineering achievement, Leigh then regaled Gina and I with sexual shenanigan stories of his friend Simon, who has just been caught by his wife and is now homeless… mmmmm good skills that man! There’s always a winner.. and in this case it’s the Wokingham Premier Inn.

The gig was bloody brilliant, although the wheelchair lift space doubled as a booth for selling gig merchandise and the cloakroom attendant’s area. There seems to be an awful lot of loose adherence to wheelchair patron health and safety in Hackney, but with Leigh Jones there I knew I was in safe hands.

The names Jones and Kingdom Brunel can ( from last night ) always be uttered in the same breath. Indeed had Jones been in charge of the Clifton Suspension Bridge project, they’d have saved an awful lot of money! Steel ? Schmeel!
Herald the new miracle construction material…… Cardboard!

And if it gets wet and falls down, well the rebuild costs are so bloody cheap! I really don’t know why no one has ever thought of it before.

Idiots these engineers.

Alexa told me it might rain ( 0.2mm ) at 4 o’clock yesterday.
I went out and met my buddy Omer the refugee. We went to the View from the Shard. Well I only buy one ticket and he goes free as my help.
Anyway it rained… and rained… and rained. The view was just mist and rain and greyness and it was packed up there. Probably people ‘ working from home’ as there weren’t any kids.
At some point we had to leave and brave the return trip.
Jesus when I eventually got to Kew, the roads were 6 inches deep in water. 0.2mm my arse.

Thankfully cars didn’t just scream past me and soak me In huge waves…of spray. Well they weren’t going fast enough to do that by and large, but drivers showed me compassion, I have to say.
Yes I got wet, but it wasn’t so bad because it had actually stopped raining.

Jeez to be a refugee. He’s a maths professor at home. If he goes back he’ll be jailed, he thinks deprived of his heart medications in jail … and then soon die. Here he stacks shelves in Sainsbury’s. He earns minimum wage, pays 2/3 of his earnings on his YMCA room, sends home nearly all the rest. He has less than £90 a month left for himself, from which he has to eat and pay for the bus.

His family only phone him to ask for more money.
His children don’t want to know him.. because he left them… well actually he escaped jail. If he had stayed then he’d almost certainly have died, as he wouldn’t have received the heart care he needs.

Either way he lost everything.

I know how he feels.

A Christmas with my ole Mum and Dad.
Big love to them for coming. A Xmas Eve fancy lunch out and then an M&S Xmas dinner in a box on the big day. Not exactly stick in the microwave, but it wasn’t that hard to out. Don’t think my dad has ever made anything other than a corned beef sandwich, so I’m glad lunch wasn’t left to him.
Not that I don’t like corned beef.
Obvs.

Xmas telly and Bananagrams and Scrabble.
We did watch a film or two. Saltburn might have been the best one but after the gay sex and the bloody period scene… I paused it.

Shame tho! The second half is cracking… but watched by just myself later on. What a plot twist.

Thanks to Gina G in particular for looking after me of course. She’s my Christmas helper Elf, I’ve decided. Next year I’ll make her wear the outfit.

Have to say my Mojo is under a bloody rock somewhere but I’m looking for the f***er and I’ll find it eventually!