I’ve just been to a gig with my very lovely friend, Ysabel. She wasnt a fan of the artist ( Kate Nash ) but she came anyway, very likely because she realised that an invite from me isn’t the same as it is in the normal world.

I spent 45 years being normal, and then everything changed. Every thing I did was altered, nearly everything I did required someone else to help me, and a companion to something became a commitment to assist.

The pre injury me would never have contemplated such a situation. The post injury me has to accept it and ( incredibly reluctantly) have to suck it up.
I can’t stress how much I hate it.
However, it’s how it is.

I am still, 11 years in, incredibly uncomfortable inviting people to things, in the full implied knowledge that I will have to ask them to do things for me. I find it embarrassing and demeaning. I don’t think that’ll ever change.

PS Kate has joined Only Fans, she said ( and i also saw her on Breakfast TV talking about it ) and she is selling pictures of her arse.
I’d heard of Only Fans but never looked at it. Blimey it’s like Amazon, but with women for sale, or at least their pictures/ videos.
Kate is $9.99 a month to look at….

I’m sure her bum is lovely, but I’m not paying for a look. Only Fans is probably quite addictive, and not an addiction I’m remotely interested in getting.
Sadly she didn’t give us a flash last night.
Oh well.


I do so often know how close I get to calamity, and of course know all too well how your life can change in an instant. I see other people doing things and think .. if only you knew the risk you are taking by doing that….

This week I was going to Richmond. It was the evening so it was getting dark.
I was doing 28mph as I passed Kew Gardens on my right hand side.
There’s a traffic lights and a pedestrian crossing on Kew Road, and KG holds a lot of theme nights where families go. Lots of young parents with small children.

The traffic lights were green, my headlight was on ( and is very bright ) and I clearly had right of way. There were quite a few people waiting for the lights to change so they could cross over to the KG entrance on Kew Road.

As I got to the lights , two adults and a small child just walked into the road, EXACTLY as I got there. I didn’t have time to even make a noise.
I must have missed all 3 by just a few centimetres. I think I would have hit the little girl head on, and then taken out both parents.
All of us would have been injured and probably for them with life changing injuries.
The little girl would have been hit by the rubber and metal front of my Triride. I imagine she’d have quite possibly died.

What happened to looking left and right before you cross the road? Doesn’t having a small child with you make you far more cautious.

I think it’s a certainty that the couple in question will have nightmares… and won’t ever make that same mistake again.

I’ve just realised that i haven’t thought about this near disaster at all, since it almost happened. I had to think why that is. A little girl probably would have died in a collision with me only a few days ago and i haven’t thought about it at all.
Things that don’t happen i clearly just let go of so easily. Even bad things that DO happen I have to let go of in an unnaturally fast way. When you live all of the time with the consequences of a personal disaster, then you do have to adapt your thought process to be geared towards swiftly moving on, or you’d sink in negative thoughts.
I know all too well what that swamp is. I was drowning in it for what seemed like an eternity.
The only escape is to look at the glimmers of light and head towards those.
Doing that isn’t easily done, but if anyone is reading this that can relate, then it IS possible, so don’t give up.

My chumma Kerry n I saw an absolutely brilliant play on Wednesday at the Donmar Warehouse. If you get the chance to see The Fear of 13, then go.
It’s about a fella that was wrongly convicted of a murder and spent 22 years on Death Row.
He was eventually released… as he wasn’t guilty ( in the slightest ). I won’t give away the storyline in case you go. It’s a true story too.
Incredible. Sad, Happy.

It was great to see my buddy Rob, after his 72 miles run. That’s a long way on his little legs.
He got to mine early and I wasn’t there, as I was at the Goldie Lookin Chain with Leigh, in Camden.
Gig was hilarious, and scandalously.. Leigh did a runner from the place we had chips and a beer. Not sure what you call a runner in a wheelchair? A wheeler, I suppose.
I assumed we had paid, so was oblivious to the crime i became an unwitting accomplice in.
That Leighton ( his full name ) won’t go to heaven.
Anyway, I had realised that there was absolutely no food at all in my flat ( because I never eat anything ) and so on the Triride race back to Brentford, I figured it was the least I could do to try and get 72 mile and starving Rob some food.
Thanks to the little fella who ( struggled like f*** ) to hoik me up the high step into the kebab shop in Chiswick.
I thought I’d bought just the thing when I got a takeaway lamb kebab with chilli sauce, for Rob. I sped back and apologised for the food free fridge , and then played my trump redemption card with the bringing out ( from my jacket ) the kebab.
Well who’d have thought a starving man would turn up his nose at something containing lettuce.. and chilli ?
Never mind. He did drink red wine instead, albeit whilst practically comatosed.
The kebab then fed me for 2 whole days, and I didn’t even eat the bread bit. Like I said, I don’t eat ( a lot ).

Me n GG drove what seemed like hundreds of miles to see my ex girlfriend, Wendy on Tuesday. Gawd, isn’t driving dull? A Triride is far more of a laugh, but i know that you have to have a wheelchair to get one. Not for everyone, that.

Lovely to see the girl and belatedly celebrate her birthday. Thanks to the same ( crime lord ) Leighton for coming too, along with his law abiding wife, Bev.
It was a laugh… probably the highlight was GG’s telling of the time she ( innocently ?) put a dead fox is someone’s bin. 😳

Saw a very funny comedian on Sunday. His lady support act was very good too. Thanks to my Scottish ‘Jilly’ Krankee friend for coming along.

Me n SuzySue saw Scouting for Girls on Thursday in Shepherd’s Bush ( just above Shepherds Balls, if you don’t know it ) and they were as good as ever. The venue was ( rightly ) packed.

Tonight I see a play in Richmond, called Filumena. Sounds a bit Irish to me? It stars the lovely Felicity Kendal. She was my fantasy woman when I was about 15, but I’ll spare you any more details about that.

Oh, and about 6 weeks ago I was ‘ interviewed’ whilst at the South Bank. A ‘ film crew ‘ asked me ‘ What’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you ?’ I said ‘ well… I’ll try to keep it brief.. but there’s a fair bit that happened pretty much all at the same time ‘
I had no idea what the filming was about, and I didn’t ask either.
But an edited version of the conversation seems to have gone a bit viral, on line. 😳

Saw a great production of Orwell’s book, 1984, last night in Richmond Theatre.
It’s funny how Big Brother and Room 101 have both become well known phrases… but I’m sure a lot of people ( yep, da yoof ) don’t actually know where the phrases come from.
It was really good, and thanks to Pauline for coming… despite actually being quite ill ( as she has found of this morning.. ) Good to know there are still some stoic people out there!

What else have I been up to? Well there was something ( bad ) yesterday, but I won’t write about that in this diary.
But I had a Halloween party last week. Pre injury I ( we ) held a lot of parties… but post injury not so. Thanks to GG for her pretty cool decorations putting up, and thanks to all me chums who came, some of whom I had no idea who they were until they took off their masks!
You’d think you’d recognise your mates anyway, but clearly not.

I wonder if I could go out in my triride in an old lady mask and get away with it? Maybe not.

On Saturday I’m seeing the Goldie Lookin Chain in Camden, with my mate Leighton, and when I get back my little hobbit friend Rob will be here, after running 100 miles or something like that.
Not sure how much fun he’ll be on the night, but if he can’t walk, I’m not gonna be much help as a crutch.