Monthly Archives: October 2019

Still rollin..

When you are in a wheelchair you can’t do zillions of things because you either you can’t even get near to em, in the first place, or once there you aren’t physically capable of partaking.
But you can do things involving talking, listening and looking at stuff. Me n Marky P couldn’t get into a lecture the other day, because it had been cancelled, so we crossed the road to the nearest accessible place and went in there. That was the V&A in London. It’s an old building but there are lots of ramps, and the odd lift here and there. Couple of modern guys that we are, we then paid extra ( well I did, and he got in free as my helper – see, the perks of hanging around with me go on and on… ) to go up in the lift and see the Quant exhibition. Mary Q was the girl that revolutionised fashion, pretty much. She got a lot to answer for really. At one time only the slim and beautiful wore her style of clothing … but I think she’d turn, or more like spin at high speed, if she saw the munters ( that’s a brilliant Welsh bit of offensive slang there ) that trundle around in mini skirts on Friday nights all around the world.
Go and see the exhibition – it’s brilliant. The designs she created are so very cool ( when worn by those she intended to wear em ) and there is lots of video of her talking too. Back then clothes were expensive, if you wanted to dress in anything other than granny outfits, but she changed that, introducing fashion for the ( middle class ) masses. People definitely valued anything from Quant, and the less well heeled would save up to buy something from her shops, then wear the item to death. These days of disposable fashion, that’s inconceivable to most women, isn’t it?

Anyway, aside from that a comedy club was accessible on Wendy’s birthday, the Royal Geograpical Society nights continue to tempt me into Kensington, as does the odd visit to the Science Museum. Museums do seem by and large very accessible, as are modern cinemas. I saw the new Terminator film on Monday. Blimmin load of rubbish. You’d think that 30 years after the original film making might have progressed, but it hasn’t has it? It’s just lots of CGI fighting and destruction scenes with virtually no plot. In this one it’s all about female heroines. The baddy is male, but all the goodies are chicks, both human and ‘ enhanced human ‘. It just doesn’t work though ( he said without meaning to be sexist ).

And if you wanna see loads of enhanced women in the flesh, just go the West London. The Plastic Fantastic are everywhere. BOBFOC is the byword you could say ..


Body Off Baywatch Face Off Crimewatch…


So what of my spasms? I’ve not really said much about those for a bit. I used to get ones where my legs would jerk and it would happen a lot at night, so that I couldn’t sleep.
My spasms have altered so that for a long time since the insertion of the drastic ( over drastic and medically negligent – in my opinion ) metalwork in my back, my legs have become stiffer and stiffer. These days they are so bloody rigid it’s difficult to move them with my arms even. No matter what I do in terms of trying to stretch them, or the amount of massage they get, they are nearly always rock solid.

Not very helpful at all that. It makes already hard things even harder.

It all happens to me.

Blimey. I just remembered that I had a dream about Michael Jackson last night! In my dreams I’m usually not in a wheelchair, and I wasn’t in this one. I’d been introduced to him in a sort of function the day before and then I realised his hotel room was near to mine. No it’s not what you are thinking either! He was a nice bloke and was with his wife I think? He had remembered my name and wasn’t at all up his own bum ( no, and not up mine either! )

In the dream I took a few selfies with him and then invited my kids over, without telling them who was with me. It all made sense at the time…

Maybe I’ll dream about Elvis next? And meet his 2 kids, Lesley and Wesley? Keep you posted.

I got a message earlier on.

A lovely fella I used to work with sent me this – and yes it’s true….

I volunteer at a cancer hospital 5 days a month but thought you would find this funny 😂
2 elderly patients brought this book in for our children’s cancer section today ……. don’t think they had really looked at it 🤣

Good grief!


I just got a call from social services. She said that I ought have a hospital bed, that’s higher up and moves electronically.
I said yes, that would be better, and can I have a double so that my girlfriend fits in too.

I could hear the whirring of brain waves at the other end… ‘ you what?! You disabled people want to have the same as us normal people?! You aren’t happy to sleep alone for the rest of your lives?! The ingratitude of it! ‘

But after the whirring had stopped I heard ‘ sorry, we hear that a lot, but doubles aren’t available. Maybe one day ‘

I said ‘ well what about my human rights? Isn’t it discriminatory? ‘ Obviously it was tongue in cheek, but of course it’s a serious point – even nighttime company is denied you officially. If ever you want company at night, it’s after you have suffered the catastrophic effects of your body having been smashed to bits.

But they don’t think about that. If I was morbidly obese and 300 pounds, because I had eaten myself to that condition , maybe they’d give me a larger bed..? Food for thought…

I said I’d keep the bed I have then.


Well I have to say that Ga.R.y Numan is bloody good. If you don’t actually look at him, and just listen and ‘ be there’ he’s brilliant.
If you look at him then you see a short rolypoly fella just a bit too old to be in a skirt and ‘ dancing’ in a very ‘ unique ‘ way. …

Numan gets 9/10. Me n Chris had a laugh and the bus stop right outside has a no 31 bus that goes all the way to my street, pretty much?! How useful is that?! Shame you can’t get the same bus in the opposite direction tho. I caught a tube to Westminster and them Triride’d 6 miles through London. Christ the roads are hard to navigate, packed and in TERRIBLE condition. That 6 miles took 90 minutes?! I think I got lost a few times using my compass, which I think gets confused by my metal Triride. For some reason my phone navigation wasn’t talking to me. Anyway I got there ok, after seeing Pia for a cuppa, and before that G.

Busy, me!

Up the Gary.

Im going to see Gary Numan tonight. Not seen him before, but my buddy Leigh has been 95 times and said he’s brilliant.
What I didn’t know is that Gazza has a very big gay following, having had a spell of gaydom himself for a while. I mean that’s perfectly ok with me, but had I blimmin known before today I’d have chosen a different outfit from the string vest and little leather cap that I threw on earlier ! And I’d have asked a girl to come with me rather than Chris Nocatsanymore.

As well.

Watch out for my gig report!

I got a message from my former Carer telling me to ‘ enjoy Paul Newman tonight’.
Good grief, where do I get all these people from?!


Well you couldn’t exactly call me a film buff, but for what my opinion is worth, you ought go to see Joker. Wendy and I did last night, on a whim.

It is brilliant, and it’ll clean up at the Oscars, you’ll see.

Wendy DEFINITELY isn’t a film buff either, demonstrated by this example.
The film stars Joaquin Phoenix and Robert de Niro. As Robbo dN looks a bit different for some reason in the film from how I think he should look (?) I couldn’t quite place his name at first ( yep, again demonstrating my non film buffness ) but I did know that I’d seen him in Goodfellas the other night and he is a massive star!
So I said to Wendy, feeling a touch embarrassed ‘ sorry, but can you believe I can’t remember his real name! Who is he ?! ‘

She looked a bit blank for a bit, then a spark of recollection crossed her face, and she said …

‘ is it Ronny Corbett ?’



I don’t know… I worry about the lack of common sense

Here’s Roger, the Lodger.

I’d put my mobile phone on charge on the kitchen worktop, right.
Now if you were to want to cook something in a frying pan, with a choice of 4 rings to use, and there’s a mobile phone really close to the hob, would you.,

1.  Move the phone 
2.  Choose a ring closest to the phone to put your frying pan on
3.  Choose the ring furthest from the phone to use
4.  Choose the closest ring but move the phone away 
5.  Not move the phone and choose the ring right next to the phone, but then sort of cook with your hand kind of sort of ‘shielding’ the phone from the splatter from your frying pan 

Yep, you can guess which Rog did. Like I said, not of this Earth?

Roger ….

He came into the kitchen.
He opened the flip up bin and just looked. Looked inside, as if he’d lost something in it.

I said ‘ what are you looking for?’

He said ( slowly ) ‘ can. I. Take. A. black. Bag ?’

I said ‘ what for?’

He said ‘ For. My. Rubbish ‘

I wondered how much rubbish he could have in his room all of a sudden.

He said ( slowly in monotone ) Or. I. Could. Take. This. One. And. Replace. It. With. Another. ‘

I said ‘ so you do have one to replace it? Why don’t you just use the one you’ve got?’

He said ‘ No. I. Do. Not. Have. Another. But. Perhaps. You. Have. One. ‘

Well that got me to be honest. I handed him 2 old Morrison’s plastic shopping bags from the drawer, and said ‘ this should be ok to put your rubbish in ‘

He said ( slowly ). ‘ The. Sign. On. The. Bin. Says. Black. Bags. Only. ‘

I told him I thought it would be ok….

I’m wondering if he’s from somewhere far away. I’m almost expecting him to one day start a sentence with ‘’ Earthling…. on your planet, how do I ……..?’’

At least then things might fall into place.