Monthly Archives: October 2017


I cope with my spasms far better than I used to, but Jesus, sometimes they just go on all day,  every 10 seconds or so, and last for 4/5 seconds at  a time, meaning that they are happening for 50% of my entire day…

Then I get periods when I’m virtually spasm free.  If only I could work out why they stop, then I could do whatever it is, all of the bloody time!


In more detail.

So Stella comes out of my apartment to the lift, and sees a young man with a woman on his back ( like a monkey ) who is screaming ‘ he’s Isis, somebody search his bag!’  The woman is clawing  at the terrified man’s neck, and blood is running down to his shirt. The woman’s partner ( male, with bad toupee ) is just standing and watching.  Stella opts to not get involved, and jumps into the lift.  She self justifies this by assuming ( bizarrely ) that the young man has been caught in bed with the shouty woman,  by the Toupee Man….?! Well obviously all that would make perfect sense, right? I mean, what other plausible explanation could there possibly be, her being so pulchritudinous n all…

Once Stella is  at  the Ground Floor and out of the lift, the blood covered young bloke appears, having fled downstairs via the fire escape.  He is shouting ‘ this is a Mad House !’  Stella then asks him what how he knows the ‘lady’… He says he doesn’t / he just came into the building to change a lock… (evidenced by his Locksmith hold-all ) but that there’s no way he’s going back upstairs to ask for the money ( as evidenced by the PDQ credit card machine he’s clinging to ) as he’s getting out as fast as he can, to call his office….

As he’s legging it out, I arrive, and Stella helps me in. I know nothing of what went before, but Stella looks startled, for sure. At that point Toupee Man appears and launches into his partner’s drinking problem/ history.  I listen and nod politely, not connecting the fleeing blood covered man with his alcoholic partner….at all. I mean, why should I ?

I blame the landlady for not checking their previous tenant history, but hey, it’s nothing to do with me…  but I do wonder why they are changing the locks of a flat that they don’t actually own…?


Tonight’s talk.


The UK’s missing people – Professor Hester Parr

Monday 30 October
Members + one guest
Pre-bookable supper follows this lecture

Each year more than 300,000 people are reported as missing in the UK. Hester considers where missing people go, their experiences, and the complexities of what happens after they return.


The lovely Stella leaves soon, but I have found a replacement. I’m not sure anyone could actually match Stella, but who knows ?

I’ve been to the gym every day, but my life has been complicated by recurring diarrhoea this week. I don’t know why, as I haven’t changed anything diet wise, and I feel ok, but my lil external shit pouch has really been put under pressure on occasion. If the adhesive were to fail me, then the shitspray would have a projectile radius of several yards, I reckon. So if you see me, stand to one side rather than in front of me….

I saw a film ( The Death of Stalin ) yesterday, with Jo. A spoof about Joseph Stalin ( not a nice fella ), his death and the aftermath – stellar cast of men, but not really a humorous topic, or a humorous time – he killed just about every clever person in the Soviet Union, after all.  Bit like making a comedy about the Holocaust – not everyone’s cuppa tea…..

Good to see Lal and Neal on Thursday, Chérie too,  Pia as well. I have been to Teddington hospital and had my catheter replaced – the bloody thing was apparently a day or so away from completely blocking with sediment, adding to my spasms of course. I can’t feel anything as it’s replaced, but it’s all quite bloody.  My cryotherapy burns aren’t sore, like last time, as they are smaller burns, so no big deal.

The Hogarth Halloween party was ok – i had a wig on and a knife through my head – I’m not sure if people thought it was artificial, or my latest suicide attempt.

Seeing Sue V was a tonic as always ( love a funny Aussie chick, me ) and talking about post divorce mental trauma for children  with both Sue and Christine was very helpful, so thanks to them. I chat to Lily reasonably often, so not totally divorced from offspring, and find it best NOT to dwell on the absence of other contact, for the sake of my mental state ( which has been very stable/ positive for a while now.

The new tenants next door have been the subject of gossip in the building for a while, and the last Ambulance to turn up was not for me! Alcohol does bad things to people – the shouting goes on all day and night, and a visiting tradesman was even assaulted by the ‘ lady’… as he tried to flee the building, she was on his back shouting ‘ get him, he’s Isis !’

Personally, I think the landlady ought step in, but it’s not really a situation that I want to become embroiled in, and I can’t say I’m on speaking terms with the landlady in any case. If she assaulted me in my wheelchair (either the neighbour OR the landlady ) then I’d have to take matters further, but as yet that hasn’t happened.

Right, gotta plan stuff to do next week…

Bye for now.



I’m at the RGS.


Tonight’s talk –


The fascinating story of discovering and excavating the ship wreck of the Esmeralda, from Vasco da Gama’s 1502-1503 voyage, shedding new light on Portuguese maritime trade and warfare in the Indian Ocean.

Good to see Toby last night, and my deepest sympathies go to his family.

On Thursday Stella and I saw a play – Time and the Conway’s   It’s about a family, and charts the journey from youthful optimism to the realities of life and the crap way it can actually work out.

It resonated ever so strongly with me, I have to say.



Just had more bits of me burnt off with the Freeze  gun thingy at the Dermatology Clinic.

I asked, and she told me that they’d been using cryotherapy for years.

I asked if she’d do my whole body – put me into cryogenic suspension, and wake me up when they have a cure for paralysis – she just laughed ( perhaps not realising that I was completely serious )


So amongst other things, I went with Claire to the Tate Modern ( full of its latest selection of bonkers, non artistic crap ) and then to the Old Vic theatre. I’d booked tickets to see The Lorax, a Dr Seuss tale of man’s greed and exploitation of nature in the pursuit of profit.

As it was an evening show ( finishing at about 10.15 ) and it was advertised as a production that didn’t exactly stick to the original script, I didn’t count on there being hundreds of small children there.

For a laugh, I’d bought Claire a T shirt with writing on it, a Line from the first Die Hard movie, with Bruce Willis.

As a condition of Claire coming with me, I said she had to wear it.

I hadn’t anticipated her being berated by a middle class dad, and told off by an Old Vic steward as well.

It was kind of funny though… at least for me!

Distraction is the key to my survival.

So what does a guy in a wheelchair do?

He goes to the Royal Geographical Society – last night was a talk – Brexit – the reasons and consequences. Good!

Before that, the Science Museum.

Before that the gym.

Recently, searching for a carer – online and through advertising.

I went to the Shard on Friday – go at 5 and watch London light up over  the next 2 hours, and drink wine….?

Invite your best friends around and thrash them at Bananagrams.

Go and help in a local school – kids are sooo entertaining!

Do your groceries online…

Provide paddling technique lessons to your mates.

Go to the theatre.

Go to the iMax and see amazing stuff in 3D.

Go to gigs – your companion goes free, as your helper.

Go to tonight’s debate on the West London Cycle SuperHighway, and say something provocative to get someone going…

Go to endless hospital appointments to do with catheters and skin cancer, and X Rays.

Read letters from your lawyer.

Meet up with a Mum whose son is in a wheelchair and needs advice.

Go and watch the local Amateur Dram plays – because actually they’re very good !

Buy fake tattoo sleeves online and wear them somewhere posh, so people look at you sniffily ( and then see their faces as you peel them off – then they smile! )

Go to the gym and do what you can, not to get fat, as that would only add to your multitude of problems…

And that’s it, really.

Oh, and chat online to usually dull females who are far too easily offended, but very occasionally find one that’s a real laugh…  and then after a bit mention the wheelchair, and see what happens next – interesting !


An email correspondance with a ‘ carer ‘ that Stella found –


Hello Robert

I send to Stella my email and she pass it on to you.

Before I come on Sat. 21 Oct for interview . I just want to make sure with you what is your daily or weekly rate.   Maybe you can also tell me more about the work.

Thanks so much.  Hope to hear from you soon.




Hi Russel

Sorry through your name is Robert.




Me to E –

Hi there.
It would depend on how you are.



Hi Russel

Sorry  I cannot do business like this.  That say nothing.  I am working for not less than £*** – ***per day.



Me to E –

I offer £***
But you also get to live in an lovely  apartment.
And I don’t need 24 hour attention.



I am working in East Horsley just see that P**** get his pills and his easy ready meals 3 times a day do no cleaning or ironing at all and in a beautiful house too. I get here also £***per day. Have no night calls and he do everything for himself.

I finish here on Sat. 21 Oct if you want to have a interview with me then it will be perfect like Stella said after 12.


Looking forward to meet you all then if it is ok with you.




Me to E –

Why does P**** need a carer?




His wife is away on holiday.  She cannot leave him alone.



Me to Enna-

Why not?

What is his condition ?




He is in the beginning of Altzheimer, but is still very good to help himself with most things just forget sometimes to take his medicine and are not very steady on his feet.  He also cannot prepare his own food.

Is that answer your question?



Me to Enna –


Who does the cleaning and laundry ?




Cleaner,  gardening  and secretary is coming in once a week do all the cleaning and ironing etc.  I just make-up is bed in the morning see that his bathroom is clean clean.  Always clean the kItchen and see that everything is clean allover.   Put washing in the washing machine and tumble dryer etc.  Drive him around with his car.

That is all my duties.



Me to Enna-

Do you wear your tiara whilst you warm up his ready made meals?


Enna to Stella –


How long are you work for Russel? First time somebody asked stupid funny questions. He sounds like if he is not a grown up man but very childish to me. What do you have to do for him? Any personal help?

Can you tell me more? How long do you work for him?




I just want to make sure if you want me for an interview or not.

If so my husband can bring me on Saturday before we go back to Wellingborough.





Me to E –

Dear Enna,

Thank you for getting in touch, however based on your correspondence with me so far, I do not feel that you show the qualities I would be looking for.

I need someone who doesn’t feel like they are working for me, but someone who works in partnership with me. Also, I would not want someone who would be limited to the bare minimum for a rate above and beyond the usual rate.

I do wish you well in the future, and I really do  hope that you are able to help P**** enjoy his life, as opposed to make him feel that you are just there to make money.

Many thanks,