Went to the theatre with my Ex last night.
No! Not ex wife ( that would be the miracle of the century ) … my ex ( Karen ).
We saw Our Town, starring Michael Sheen. It was very Welsh… so quite tidy.
To me it seemed like a modern version of Under Milk Wood… though easier to understand!

I definitely recommend it.

Recently I’ve seen a few lovely friends- Rob and Belinda ( lots of wine seems to disappear when I see them ) and Leighton Jones ( tidy boy that he is ) and last night Kerry McS ( also to the theatre ).
During the interval, the 45 ish year old attractive lady sat in front of me came back from the loo ( it seemed ) and sat down again.
Except she now had a foot of toilet paper hanging from the back of her jeans.

When a girl does that with the toilet paper, what does it actually mean?
That the bit she wiped with is still in her knickers?
How does it even happen??

Explain please, someone.

I wanted to tell her of course, but Kerry kept stopping me? Wouldn’t you want to know? I thought it was the right thing to do, and actually as it was still dangling down at the end, I did tell her.
She was ever so fast to grab it, but I’m not sure she wanted to stop and chat.

K had been on a date and was even more excited than usual ( think puppy ) as she had been kissed.
Middle Aged Women turn into teenagers when they online date… sometimes. Very amusing to witness, fair play.

Well I did think that a one woman play .. called Dracula, might not live up to the hype that it’s had.

I was WRONG though, big time.
Miss Cynth is ever so good, and it’s very cleverly done, fair play.
It’s another play with cameras pointing at the actor and projecting her image onto the background screen, along with other pre recorded stuff.. so that Cynth appears as up to 5 characters at the same time.

She does play each character well.. even Count Dracula… though he did speak in a Nigerian accent… (?) but factor in that she’s about 4 feet tall and physically tiny ( though extremely muscular ).

I’d recommend it. It’s one act that lasts 1 hour 50 minutes, but it flies by and it’s definitely transfixes the audience from the start.

The Noel Coward theatre was pretty good, access wise. They give me a box … which works ok although I have to go into it and then get the Triride off … so there’s a lot of jiggery pokery… but thanks to Kerry’s excellent help (!) it was great.
The last time I went there with Kerry, she was a little merry let’s say. Sometimes I can’t write everything that happens to me. 😅

I went to Brixton last night… to a gig.
I arranged to meet Roo before for a drink… at the Department Store.
Except when I got there ( and she did ) it was ‘shut for refurbishment’.
Doh!
Brixton really doesn’t have many/ any overtly accessible bars … but we tried the Wetherspoons.
Who doesn’t like a Spoons after all?

A small single step isn’t a problem for the All Wheel Triride… and in I went.
As they always are, it was crowded… but as always with Spoons clientele, people are obliging and helpful.
As it was Brixton after all, most of the drinkers were black… and as I have mentioned before, black people ( particularly the fellas ) are incredibly friendly and helpful to me, which of course makes everything easier.

As I’d had a bit of a bladder sensitivity issue… I avoided wine … and for the first time in ages had a pint or 2.

Brixton Academy had been closed down for a year or two following a crowd crush outside the venue that actually killed 2 staff members… but has been open again for about a year, with changes to crowd management.
Basically that means lots of metal fencing to channel people in a controlled manner.
The front has about 10 steps so it’s not immediately accessible, but they do have a ramp.
The incline of the ramp definitely isn’t ‘legal ‘ as it’s a big elevation and a relatively short ramp , but hey, with All Wheel drive I shoot up it and then practically take off at the top – a bit alarming to watch..

Inside, I go through a bar area and into the music space. It’s very large, accommodating about 3,000 people I think, and at the side there’s a raised area where they put the cabbages.

Now clearly they are ( now ) focused on health and safety when it comes to crowd management.
So they have 3000 people in one sloped standing area, and about 20 people with disabilities in the raised area at the side.

Where are all the uniformed crowd management staff? In the wheelchair area of course, telling people to move around here and there to maintain a very wide channel down the middle.
So you have say 10 people in wheelchairs, other people with crutches etc, a couple of really fat people ( of course ) and the same number of ‘ companions ‘ for the Unfortunates.

Well if they think herding your regular able bodied people is difficult, try a load of cabbages.. all of whom want a position where they can actually see.
Well for a starter, the people who are in chairs should be at the front…. and the companions ( who can stand up ) should be behind them… right?
Well that’s not how it is. The companions that get there first are always very territorial about being at the front ( I mean you’d think that of ALL people, they’d ‘ get it ‘ but usually they don’t ).

Roo and I didn’t get there early enough ( because of Spooning ) to claim a ‘ front row’ position… so we were set back a yard.
Except of course, we were then in the designated ‘ no go ‘ channel down the middle.
Well … all sorts weren’t happy, and I was asked to move to a position where I couldn’t really see the band … so there was general cabbage dissent.
Often the companions seem to be the partners of the Spazzers and they don’t like being separated from each other.
What they need is a far larger area ( impossible ) and less Nazis patrolling. As soon as the crowd control staff disappeared, all sorts were moving around, like a game of Wheelchair Scalextrics.
Of course, once the band strikes up, some apparently immobile people jump to their feet and start dancing ( and don’t stop until the end ).
One lady ( 45(?), black, shaven head and a single crutch ) could have given Michael Jackson a run for his money.

I did of course point out to the Chief Crowd person that it wasn’t fair that only the Cabbages were marshalled so much, and the regular people were left alone. Why aren’t you insisting on wide open channels down the main standing area, I asked ( because I can’t imagine it was a crush of wheelchairs that had killed people 3 years ago, or anyone slipping on dribble ) … and shouldn’t the standy uppy companions give way ( positionally ) to the people who can’t stand up?

To be fair, the fella listened and asked companions to give way – result !

Franz Ferdinand were really, really great, as always and we got away at the end safely.
I then ‘ drove’ my Tri the 7 miles home.
Why does going south of the river seem to take far longer than going north of the river? I seemed to be going through Clapham/ Wandsworth/ Putney etc for hours. Maybe it’s the wider roads and less traffic? The pot holes are worse though, so I have to go slower than I’d like.
At one point a police car with flashing lights pulled alongside me … and the officer waved (?!) which was nice …

By midnight I was safely home
Obvs I do wonder what I’d do if I broke down… but that doesn’t seem to happen to me nowadays. I’m onto the maintenance of my ride (!) which helps my good fortune.

Tonight it’s a play in town.
Kerry tapped me up for the wheelchair companion angle for herself and we have the hot ticket – Dracula ( played by Cynthia off Wicked- that I’ve not seen ).

Hopefully it’s worth the hype.
Cynth plays all 27 parts apparently.

How does she suck her own blood?
I’ll report back.

Apparently the safest place in the world if there’s a global nuclear war is ……

COSTA RICA!

Maybe I should go n hang out there for a bit?
Bet GG would be up for it.
😊

The closest I get atm is Costa Coffee.
I wonder how thick the walls are in the one near Kew Bridge?

FOUR times I’ve been soaked today.
FOUR times I’ve had to ask for paper towels/ a cloth to just try to mop up the rain that collects in any and every jacket crease, in between my legs, down my back etc etc.

I’m refusing to go out if it’s raining… for the next xxxxxx.
Except I know I will- fear of failure has always been strong in me, and failing to go to a commitment counts as me letting myself down.

Great to see Chris today ( happy as a lark ), Leigh all day yesterday… ( always a great laugh and lots to say ) and of course Roo last night for the theatre. Paranormal Activity… the play.. was very scary actually!

So many thanks to GG for everything this week… she’s SUCH a superstar I can’t say.

And thank you to my lovely, never stops talking, friend, Kerry …. for booking us tickets for Cirque de Soleil in the Albert Hall last week. What a show, too. Those performers do some crazy stuff.
Thank you to Karen for inviting me to Book of Mormon last night – very politically incorrect in every single way ( PERFECT! ) … and for Roo for coming with me to see The Constant Wife on Valentine’s night. Very funny play, and she also cooked dinner ( aka heating up the M&S Valentine dinner for two ). Well I was grateful!

Me buddy Dickon came with me to watch inspired Brentford almost beat the league leaders, Arsenal, on Thursday. A 1-1 draw doesn’t tell it like it was… at all.

I thought I’d try to do something positive/ constructive, as I’m
spasming away, feeling like crap.

I attached my Tri and went to start my van. It needs starting, preferably driving, to stop the battery dying ( as it has before 3 times ).
I got to the van and with the controller opened the rear doors and got the ramp down to ground level.
I drove onto the ramp and pushed the UP button. I went up to van floor level and entered the van.
I pressed the button to get the ramp folded in and the rear doors shut.
Nothing happened.
I thought ‘ shite ‘.
I reached for the Ignition button and then the Start button. The van didn’t start. Clearly a flat battery again.

Bugger, ok I’m sure I can get out….

Except I couldn’t. No power to anything.
Stuck in a large van with the rear doors open and a massive metal ramp sticking out the back, on a very cold day, not wearing enough winter clothes

I called a helpful friend- no answer
I called GG and she came with her very helpful brother. He figured out how to manually winch me down on the ramp and then put the ramp back up.
I wanted to go home then, but no, I couldn’t, as it was not possible to close the rear doors… manually or otherwise.
The car battery had to be charged to do that.
The AA came and got it all going.
Poor GG then had to sit in a van, running the engine for 2 hours. It’s not possible for her to drive it as it has no seat … and I was not in my proper wheelchair that I can drive in.

Another thing I can’t bloody do unless I have a helping – start my car.

Ffs

Having a torrid time of it at the moment, so I have to make myself laugh to get through. I thought I’d write about my last lodger experience.
I had a great lodger for a while.. and when she left to share a flat with a friend, I advertised for another one online.
⁃ As the room is lovely and tbh so
the apartment, it didn’t take long to find another one. An Israeli lady arrived after just a few days, telling me she’d been living in hotels, but had moved over a hundred times in 18 months.
I probably should have read the room and found a different lodger, but she seemed pleasant enough, although so softly spoken that I couldn’t hear her without asking her to speak up.
She arrived dressed in jet / matt black 🍷( obviously dyed ) hair and dresses In multiple layers of long skirts and tops. She whitened her complexion with nigh on white face makeup. She was 52, she said, though I think it’s possible she’d been around five times that long, back to age of villagers with pitchforks and flaming torches.

She moved in ( with 3 enormous suitcases ) and I asked her for the rent and room deposit. She gave me a bundle of cash.
Unusual I thought, but ok. I said I’d count it in front of her and give her a receipt, and she said of course..
I did count it and was surprised to find it was only around 25% of the money that was due.
Obviously I said, it’s a fair bit short and verified that she had actually understood the rent amount.
Completely unabashed, she just said ‘ oh yes I’ve had a problem with my bank ‘ …. but didn’t say anything else, seemingly oblivious to the fact that this might be an issue. Certainly she didn’t appear to be apologetic.

A bit surprised, I said that if she couldn’t pay the rent, she obviously wouldn’t be able to stay.

Don’t worry, she said, I’ll go to the bank and get the rest of the money … and I said that would be ok but it would need to be very soon.

She did indeed then pay the outstanding rent and month’s deposit the next day.

Her first day there we did chat a bit, and I asked her what she did for work.
She was very vague about any employment, but did go and get her Apple Mac and show me some graphics/ pictures.
The first one was a red stiletto shoe with a pink and fleshy ‘ foot ‘ inside it.
Having been around the block a bit, I recognised the fleshy organ inside the shoe straight away.
‘ Do you know what that is?’ she said.
Yes I answered, it’s a clitoral organ, the whole thing rather than the little button that is visible.
Yes, she said, and then showed me more clitorises, arranged within various flowers.

That’s ok I thought, you’re obviously no shrinking violet. I asked if she was an artist and she was vague, but asked that I keep her images quiet as she was very wary her ideas may get stolen.
I thought there might be thousands of people out there who would want an outsized clitoris in a stiletto as a concept…. and I said of course.
Doh! I’ve just spilt the bean.
(There’s a joke in there somewhere)

She was around for a couple of days, though sort of floated in and around my place – that’s fine – to a degree the less I see my lodger the better ( I don’t want a flatmate )
When I say floated… I’m not sure her feet touched the floor.
She took the time to tell me that she could give me lots of advice on staying younger looking. I don’t think she mentioned possibly living forever…

On the second afternoon she said she’d be going out as she had a date.
Cool, I thought, and wished her a good time.
After a bit she reappeared ( suddenly ) as if she’d just materialised next to me.
She didn’t know how to get to her destination. I said to look on Maps…. I mean nearly everyone born in the last 2 centuries would know that.
Maybe I missed another red flag there?
I did notice she didn’t show her teeth when she smiled.

I gave her the directions.. she thanked me and then called an Uber 🙄
Then I didn’t see her for 3 days and 2 nights. I did ask it she’d had a good time/ was it her first date with this guy.. and she was vague, saying it was her first date and that she hadn’t actually spent much time with him, and she hadn’t been on a date for years.
I asked how come and she said she didn’t really like people.
Right, ok then. .. that’s an ideal quality when you meet up with someone..

I didn’t see much of her after that.
On ( her ) sixth day I was out on a sort of date myself. Fun girl but definitely not for me…. and after a bottle of wine out ( ok and a second ) I tried to get Suzy an Uber at the venue.
No wifi! It was a bit cold and I said to call one from my place.
Suzy came back and then she got a bit frisky… and another bottle of wine went down. Blimey. She was doing her best to clamber all over me in my wheelchair…. and there was a bit of contact, but minimal.
Suzy for some reason got fairly ( vocally ) excited. Go me, I guess, but nothing really happened.
Eventually at 5am Suzy finally left….and I could go to bed.

The next day was Sunday, and I felt tired and rough.
I didn’t see Sivan the lodger at all on the Sunday.

A day or two before that day I’d asked GG to go into her room to check everything was ok.
When it’s a lodger you are allowed to look… but I wasn’t me, it was GG, another female. Gina was a bit shocked, as Sivan had a massive suitcase on her bed, the wheels of which she’d wrapped in selophane. GG said it was clear she was sleeping in the bed, but effectively sharing it with a massive suitcase that took up 70 percent of the width of the bed.
Lots of clothes were strewn all over the room, and all the cupboard and wardrobe doors were open. All that she had put in the available storage space were lots of bottles of supplements and pills. In her bathroom, everything of hers was laid on tissue paper.

On the morning of her 7th day GG said she’d seen Sivan and that she said she had to talk to me. GG then got me up and I was connected to this machine in the kitchen which makes my legs move in a pedalling motion. I’d been on it for maybe 10 minutes.
Sivan came into the room and I said Hi and smiled and asked her what it was she wanted to talk to me about.
Sivan had a stony face ( like alabaster ) and for the first time spoke in a loud voice.

‘ DID YOU HAVE DINNER ON SATURDAY NIGHT?’ she said.

I said that I wasn’t sure.

She said ‘ WELL YOU MUST BE SURE, IT WAS ONLY 2 DAYS AGO!! ‘

I said that I only eat once a day and that on Saturday, wasn’t quite sure what time it was, it could have been afternoon or evening.

She glared at me.

I said ‘ Anyway what does it matter if I did or I didn’t?’ .. and then said ‘ did you have dinner on Saturday night?’

She fixed me in her stare and said ‘ NO, I DID NOT HAVE DINNER ON SATURDAY NIGHT!’

I said ‘ OK, why not?’

Sivan shouted ‘ BECAUSE YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE COMMUNAL AREA!! ‘

I said ‘ Sivan, I wasn’t. I’m paralysed and can’t just jump out my chair and have sex on the sofa… what you are saying is impossible for one, and untrue for another. ‘

She glared more ‘ WELL YOU WERE DOING SOMETHING BECAUSE I HEARD MOANING FOR AGES.
IT STOPPED AND THEN AFTER A WHILE YOU HAD SEX AGAIN BECAUSE THERE WAS MORE LOUD MOANING !’

I said ‘ well clearly I’m a good kisser … for a lady to be that happy. Be glad for her?’

‘BUT IT WAS IN THE COMMUNAL AREA !’

Given I hadn’t ever seen Sivan use the communal area ( lounge/ kitchen ) I was a little bemused.

I said ‘ Sivan calm down. You clearly aren’t an innocent lady because you have just been out on a 3 day date and you felt comfortable enough to show me lots of clitoris art, so why are you being like this?
Then
‘Why did you want to have your dinner after midnight anyway ? ( thinking didn’t she have any packets of blood to warm up in the microwave in her room?) Most people have dinner in the evening ‘

I CAN HAVE MY DINNER WHENEVER I LIKE, BUT NOT WHILE YOU ARE HAVING SEX!
Then I COULDNT LEAVE MY ROOM FOR THE WHOLE OF SUNDAY BECAUSE I WAS TOO AFRAID TO COME OUT!

I said Sivan, you’re a grown woman.
What on earth are you afraid of exactly?
Sivan… it’s my apartment. I can do anything I want in my own apartment. There are far more rules about what you can do, as my lodger, as per the contract ( proper legal one )
You can’t tell me what to do, and I’d definitely never do anything risque whilst you were here.
But if you think it’s so bad living here…. you can give notice to leave.

I’M LEAVING STRAIGHT AWAY! she said ….

And indeed she’d already packed her suitcases, which had gone from 3 to 6 in less than a week.

How come you have so much more stuff than when you arrived, I said.

‘ I thought it was SAFE here, she said, but you’ve let me down !’

Then she said ‘
GIVE ME ALL MY MONEY BACK !’

I replied that it didn’t work like that and she had to pay for the week’s rent and then for another month’s notice, starting today.

GIVE IT BACK TO ME!

‘No, Sivan, read your contract.
I’ll work out how much I need to give back to you. And you’ll have to pay for a bedroom and bathroom clean too. ‘

She floated off , silently, with a stormy, extra white face.

GG of course was eavesdropping all this stuff, and came in smirking like anything.

‘Can you help her get her cases out into the corridor, but only as far as that please?’

I wheeled to the door ( through the communal hallway – also not a sex location for me and made sure she gave me the keys.
She just GLARED at me.

I said ‘
Bye Bye Sivan , good luck finding somewhere that makes you happy’

Then , as is my frontal lobe injury way … I said

‘ By the way, I’ll also charge you for the exorcism of your room that I have done by the priest’

I wonder if she’s gone back to the castle in Transylvania?

I’ve been in Portugal for 9 days with Gina G.
I came hoping to escape the cold …

Since I’ve been here I’ve spent every day in a fleece, a coat and often a scarf and a hat.
I’ve felt tired and cold all the time.
I have a UTI too. I really don’t know what more I can do to prevent getting them.. but somehow I do.
Life is NOT a positive experience.
Sure I smile and I pretend, but Jesus I’m f’d off with it all.

I had an accident with a knife and had to go to hospital.
They had to try to save my left thumb.
Usually there would be the right surgeon on duty, but as it was Christmas there was only an urology surgeon there.
He did his best.

I’ve found sucking my thumb is far nicer than it used to be.