I’ve felt good these last few days référence today, my Crash/ paralysis/ shouldn’t have lived day. I’ve had loads of the latter one since of course, but I seem to be the man that won’t die.
Now it’s 3.15 pm and I’m feeling very uneasy.
It was about now I think that I’d have headed down that ‘ last ‘ steep mountain road, going fast to catch the friend that I’d ‘ let go ‘ with the intention of catching.
I think I’d almost caught Jerry when I crashed. I don’t remember any of it, it’s just what I’m told, but I do think I remember setting off on that fatal descent. Seconds earlier or seconds later and I wouldn’t have coincided with the motorcycle going too fast that surprised me, leading to me braking too hard ( my injured left hand causing a braking imbalance and me going over the handlebars )
Thinking about it at this precise moment is awful, yet I’m ‘ driven ‘ to write this post, which makes it all worse than it might be today.
The sadness will pass though, because it always does. Last night was fantastic. Roy, Jerry, Sam, Robbie and Toby all paid me a visit at my place. They all talked about the crash for a bit of the evening but for me it was more informative than it was sad. Dickon phoned on FaceTime from New York and Glenn likewise from Cambridge.
It was very moving for me, but all in a positive way.
I’ve had a lot of messages from people who matter a lot to me. Every message means far more than the words in it. Of course there are the usual absentee messengers, who ought care enough but don’t. Of course I try not to think about those 2 too much, because it’s counterproductive.
Last night was a late one and I’m a bit tired and hungover which won’t be helping, but hey I made that bed myself.
Thanks for lovely messages from Cherie and from Wendy today and talking to Yukon Rob is always a winner.
No one should underestimate how powerful a call or a message might be. Countless times they will have ( unknowingly ) saved lives by just distracting someone from a gory intention. That doesn’t apply to me, not today at least, but definitely on other days.
My ( one time ) cycle buddies mean so much to me, more than they would have done had i not crashed. Our shared (dire)experience sticks us together for all time.
I don’t want to get emotionally dragged down by writing any more, so I’ll stop that particular thread.
Tonight I was invited to Hampton Court Festival by Kerry M. Yep, it’s about time she paid for something (😂) and it’s a good one at least. I’ve not looked to see who’s playing ( which band ) because I like surprises. Robbie insisted it’s Erasure and I’ll be the only straight person there … but probably he’s lying through his teeth
Anyway I’ve seen Erasure and there were at least 2 other people that looked ( at least ) straight in the audience
I’ve seen a lot of brilliant friends recently, including the fellas last night and Chris and Caroline, Charlie P, Chris the Cat and BlindDog Paul, Leighton and Bev, and Quentin B to name a few, and I see Mikey S tomorrow
I didnt think I’d cry today but my eyes are watering now. It’s a bit of a maelstrom today, all round.
Thanks to all those that care about me. You know who you are, and I’m such a soft git now about you all.
In the meantime, my one time close kayak partner is again in prison. Henry – gay, hard as nails and with a deathwish. He’s doing 14 months and if it’s ‘ the wrong type of prison’ he’ll probably get killed by another inmate whilst there. I remember so well our training sessions in the dark, in The January Thames in flood, so cold ice would cover our fingers. Him 19 and me about 35. Neither of us ever wore gloves or made any attempt to dress for the conditions. Just a bit of Lycra. Train hard in awful conditions for months and then the race itself was easy. That wasn’t a deliberate tactic, but it’s definitely what happened. If it weren’t for the rules back then I think we could have won DW the second time we did it, but the 3 teams faster were only faster because they started 12 hours later and missed the dire weather we paddled through.
You can’t turn back time tho. If you could we would have started 12 hours later, I’d not have set off down that hill and Henry would have said no to hard drugs that will definitely lead to his death one way or another.
Not a cheerful post today, but definitely one loaded with memories and love.
God, maybe it is Erasure tonight. I’ll just go back home for my leather cap.
Oh, also as a PS I went into an antique shop to escape the rain the other day.
Impulsive git that I am, I bought a vintage lamp.
They delivered it yesterday ( it being 3 feet tall )
I know réalisé how phallic it looks.
Not sure how I missed that?
Because I put ‘ smart ‘ bulbs into everything and then Alexa control them, I had to think of a name for it. ‘ Lamp ‘ didn’t seem right tho.
If you hear me saying ‘ Alexa, Knob On’ well that s me turning on ( no pun intended ) my phallic lamp.
Maybe I’ll keep it away from the windows in case it’s sending out the wrong messages to other leather cap wearers.
You can’t be too careful.
Now I realise why it wasn’t that expensive.
PPS Worse case scenario – after they bugger Henry to death in jail they’ll look through his phone, find my address, come round mine and see a 3 foot illuminated penis and roger me to death as well.
Omg.
