Monthly Archives: May 2021

Summer time!

Isn’t normal life a laugh!
In the last four days I’ve been to two comedy clubs, a party , a BBQ In Orpington, had friends for lunch and ( lots of ) drinks, and been to watch a football game actually in someone else’s house.

Thanks to Toby, to Kim, to Rob and Belinda, and to Chris for their hospitalities… ( though that’s not a word )

And I’ve really been aware of my Mojo flooding back, which is a blimmin relief. I thought it was gone for good, but no, I am back to being me again.

So Brentford beat Swansea, which means that my frozen season ticket from last year ( or was it the year before that?) is now valid for this forthcoming season. I’ve only ever been to 2 football games, but I’m going to be going to quite a few, as of soon. And of course I get a free companion ticket, so book early to avoid disappointment! Yes you may have to do the odd thing to help me, but cmon, I’m worth it !

And the sun has finally come out.
I’ve actually got a tan. Factor 50 makes me go far browner than having factor zero on. That’s strange, isn’t it?

Things are certainly looking up. Lots of gigs to go to in the near ish future, and even a trip to Portugal.

The Bird Man of Brentford flies again!

And good luck to my lovely mum tomorrow, in hospital. It’ll be fine, I’m sure. ❤️

It’s a bit heady, isn’t it.
Nothing for more than a year and then –

a comedy club tonight

another tomorrow, as well as a lunch with Yukon Rob and his new girl

a party on Saturday

a bbq on Sunday.

Not sure I’ll cope 😂


Conversation just now with two 12 year old boys, on their bikes. ..

( about my Triride ). ‘ THAT IS SICK!!

Me – thanks.


Ha – no I can’t

‘Can I have a go in it, and try?’

No… because I can’t get out of it.

‘Oh, ok then….. ( not understanding why I can’t, I think )

But yeah… ALL teenage boys love the Triride MadMax!


And after 8 months plus of Lockdown lovin’… Lizzy and I have parted company.
Irreconcilable differences…

We got each other through the worst of lockdown, stayed together through the interminable winter of 20/21, and split up just when there was actually something to go out and do!
Yes, that does sound a bit daft. I can see that.

She’s a superstar lady, and we’ll probably remain friends. Thank you Lizzy for the times we had together. No regrets on my part.
The traveling back and forth to Sevenoaks I shan’t miss. Trains and the ‘ I don’t know if the ramp will arrive to get me off ‘ bit … well that bit isn’t my favourite.
Once there, Lizzy was always the perfect hostess ( with the most’ess obvs ).

But Russ n Lizzy.. that’s RIP.

I wonder what 2021 will be like?

Day out.

I went to the Banksy exhibition today ( and thanks to Lizzy for the tickets! ). Lizzy sadly couldn’t go .. so I ended up inviting me old Uni buddy Mark C.
He’s bloody clever, is Banksy. Anonymous of course, which adds to his persona… but obviously a VERY clever guy.

Loved it.

My pecker

For the first two and a half years of living where I do, next to the water, and with plenty of trees and greenery around ( albeit opposite, across the canal ), other than water birds I hadn’t seen anything. Ok, the occasional pigeon perhaps, but literally that was it.
Additionally I never saw any bees either.
Last year I bought some potted foxgloves, and all of a sudden I had bees… but still no birds.
I don’t know if that’s because the land I live on had industrial use for decades, so maybe it just wasn’t on birds’ radars.
Anyway, I ordered a multi feed bird feeding station, as well as my Dad knocking up a fence attachment, got suet balls and peanuts and seeds…. But months on and still zilch.

Then about 2 weeks ago I saw a blue tit. And a robin, otherwise nothing.

Two days ago I got a flock of starlings… !

Well since then it’s gone bloody crazy. At the moment for example I have the starlings. Just now I had a woodpecker!! I’d never ever seen one, and now I have one visiting my terrace!! Earlier I had 3 parakeets and a magpie. I’ve had tits and a sparrow.

Suddenly I’m like Saint Francis of Assisi – he’s the patron Saint of birds..

And it’s a lovely feeling to be surrounded by birds.

As every fella will tell you.

My iBot

So as the lockdown comes closer to being ( almost ) over, I, like everyone else, start to plan stuff to do. Just imagine… groups of people INDOORS (!) together…?

I booked a table for 5 people for tomorrow, INSIDE the new Brentford football stadium. Not exactly being a football fan, it’s a new thing for me, but hey, here we go

Now I thought I’d fire up the iBot and give that a try. Well it’s far better in a busy place, where people stand up, to be at the same height as everyone else n all.
So , with help, having pumped the tyres up ( electric tyre pump ) and got the batteries charged up, I switched it on last night at 9pm. At that point I’m by myself, so unable to actually get into it and drive it. Anyway It turns on and within a few minutes it starts to flash and beep, with the red EMERGENCY ALERT sign going off. Of course I don’t actually know what this means, except for it being serious.
The alarm sound it’s giving off is quite loud, and it’s parked right outside my bedroom window. I try to turn it off, but now the turn off sequence isn’t working. I try it over and over probably a hundred times.
There’s no way I’d easily sleep if that keeps going all bloody night.
I can’t get in it to drive it somewhere else and hop out again, can I ? So I have to position myself in front of it, facing backwards, and, being just able to reach the joystick, drive it through, and around, all the obstacles on my outside terrace, with it pushing me ( backwards ) im front of it. I can’t see where I’m going, because I’m being pushed backwards, and anyway it’s dark..
To be fair it’s pretty amazing that it worked, and that I got it to where I wanted, but I had to leave it outside ( under cover ) with the alarm going off all night.
This morning, my help, with the benefit of daylight, helped me again. I had this theory that if I blasted the control panel with hot air, it might improve the functionality of the buttons.. so for 10 minutes we had a big fan heater on it.
Well lo and behold that actually worked …. and G helped me transfer to it. The plan was to go half a mile to a local plant sale… which we did…. except almost straight away the red alert siren went off, and stayed going off. In emergency mode it doesn’t really do anything clever ( won’t raise up, won’t go into 4 wheel drive etc etc ) so there s little point in using it. ..
I think maybe that’s the end of my lovely iBot..

There’s a fella called Alejandro in the US that I’ve messaged. If anyone can help me, he can, so I’m awaiting a reply, and in the meantime I’m still using hot air to warm the control panel. It definitely works when warm, and doesn’t when cold. Maybe there’s moisture inside..

End of a little era, I fear!

🚂 s

I get a train from Brentford to London Waterloo.
Then I get onto a train from there, going to Sevenoaks ( and beyond ).
The trouble is that I’m now at Beyond, since the guard never came to get me off at Sevenoaks.

I ask a fellow passenger to shout for the guard. A lady one eventually saunters up … then is absolutely mortified to find out that no one had told her I was on the train, let alone that she was supposed to get me off ( the train .. )

Now I’m 2 stops further away, because at the next stop I can’t leave the train, because the station itself is below road level, down a flight of steps, and there’s no lift.

Now I’m in Tonbridge

Ok, now I’m off, and someone escorted me off and up a lift, and over a bridge, and down a lift, and onto a train.

Back to Sevenoaks.
Where hopefully I’ll get off.

Let’s see!

Ahhh every day is a bloody adventure, isn’t it.


And I now have a front tooth implant.
Bloody hell, when you don’t have the use of your legs to put yourself in all sorts of positions, you’ve no idea how used your mouth is. – think dogs and how much they use their mouths.
Anyway, after a longgg longgg time of not being able to do anything particularly grippy with my mouth , because I’ve had crowns etc at the front …. I’ve now got a bulletproof implant.

Today I tore sellotape for the first time in years with my front teeth.
Im telling you, my oral world is my undiscovered oyster.


Thinking outside my box.

So most days I do pull ups. The bar is one of those that you put in your door frame. It’s about 5 foot 6 up and like I said, across the door frame to my spare bedroom.
It’s a hazard to anyone tall’ish, who’s not looking mind. People rarely walk into it. Well all except Toby who walks into it EVERY time he comes round, sometimes 2 or 3 times on the same visit…. I mean it’s stopped even being funny tbh!

Anyway, when I do pull ups I’m obviously sat in my chair. It’s best with my Triride attached to me, because that stops my legs going weird places.
The trouble is though, when I go up and down, my nuts fall between my legs. Obviously I can’t feel it happening, but when every time I stop for a rest, I reach down and have to drag the fellas upwards… and sometimes they are seriously wedged. I mean if I could feel it, it would be terrible I’m sure.
I’ve tried various ways of stopping it happening, but to no avail.

Well just now I saw a face mask hanging on a hook nearby.

Lightbulb moment!

I worked the face mask…. Ie the Sling (!) under the lads… and then tied the mask loops to my belt at the front.

A bollock hammock !

No more pull up ball crush worries for me!

If you pop round mine and feel the need to put on a face mask… you might want to avoid the light blue one hanging on a hook in the spare bedroom though ..