Saw me lovely old Mucker, Charlie Horse’s Arse Perkins the other day. He’s lived in Hong Pong for forever. He was my housemate in Uni and the Best Man at my wedding. He organised unspeakable things at my Stag Night. .. happy memories ( mostly! 😂).
Thanks CP for the visit!

Also I’ve been visiting my one time father in law in hospital ( talking about ex relatives ). Having had a stroke of some ‘ variety’ my ex FIL isn’t at his best atm. Not particularly aware that he’s even in hospital ( he thinks he’s in a restaurant most of the time ) it makes for interesting conversation. He’s a fine man that I’ll always be indebted to, and I dearly hope that better days are ahead.
❤️

School dinner

Great to see my school chums the other day.
Bloody hell, it’s a flipping long time since we were in school together.

But Mike Jenkins, Stu Metcalfe and Jeff Thomas are all still great lads.

I’m proud to call them all my friends.

Driving

And thanks to Gina G for being my assistant van driver.
It’s actually quite scary driving.
Im regularly out there in the 3 lane traffic at all hours in my triride at 30 mph, but driving a van is more scary?
It’s probably the fear of being locked inside the bloody thing and being unable to get out.
It’s not that straightforward to actually get in or out. There are about 10 steps in the process of each and they all have to be in the right order.
Anyway, we drove to a country pub the other day, and yesterday to Hampton Court and took a picnic.
Then we got totally pissed on in a downpour.
Anyway, 2 drives.

I’ll go out by myself before long and hope for the best. It’s a big bloody vehicle. Far bigger than anything I drove pre injury, and back then I had full body capacity.

We had almost run out of diesel and stopped at a petrol station. Then GG couldn’t find the petrol cap and I had no idea. Then a Kim Kardashian look a like, who said she flew helicopters (?!) came to our rescue… but she couldn’t find it either. Of course, I can’t jump out to join the search party- I’m just stuck inside – anyway then a taxi driver came along and he knew where it was ( hidden behind an invisible flap ). What’s that all about?

I thanked Kim K, marvelling at her big lips/ boobs/ bum in a ‘ wow,you look kinda strange ‘ way.
But she was ever so nice with it.

Give me a non surgically altered woman any day.

Me n K. Romeo and Jules

And my little chum, KMcSq, took me to see Romeo and Juliet.
K was like a catholic nun when I met her 4 years ago. Now she’s the most prolific online dater in Britain.

Well the tickets were all sold out, or going for about £500 each.. so she very cannily asked me if I wanted to see it. …

Ta dah! Much cheaper if you pose as the carer of a person in a wheelchair! She’s not daft, is she?

It starred the fella that’s Spider-Man in the latest film. There were lots of screaming girls outside the theatre. I did think they were there for me at first.
But no.
It was for Spidey.

It was another Flay. Half play half film.
Actors acting in front of a cinema screen. Thats 3 plays in a row like that. Not sure it’s proper theatre tbh.
The play was good, not great. All in true Shakespearian lingo.
They all died in the end, again.

They should change the ending.

There are a few 500 year old jokes in the play.
I mean it’s hardly a comedy.
But you always get a handful of pretentious people who loudly guffaw at the odd very obscure joke, purely to proclaim how clever they understand the ‘ funny ‘ bits.

Bell Ends.

Weekender

It’s been a bit of a weekend.
My friend Suzy volunteered to help me with my terrace/ garden, so I got us tickets to the Chelsea Flower Show.
There’s posh.

We went for the ‘ evening ticket’ (5.30-8.30 ) but then at leaving time… well we didn’t leave, and no one asked us to.

So then we just went into the ‘ party ‘ that they now have there as a late night option.
A civilised day out became a bit of a sesh… well the unplanned ones are the best ones, right?

I’d gone in my ibot wheelchair ( best for crowds as I’m not lost in the sea of people all standing up ) … though it makes travelling far slower than in my Triride.

Suz was kind enough to make sure I got home safe… but that turned into her sitting on my lap for 2 miles – of course a very amusing sight for other road users.
Once again I’m sure i’ll ( along with Suz ) be in at least one TikTok video.
It goes at 7.2 mph, which is a lot faster than walking speed, and Suz wasn’t complaining about her lift home. Well not that I can remember any way.
Along the way/ day she acquired a straw hat ( which I seemed to be wearing most of the time).
I’ve no idea whether that blew off at some point.

THEN the next day, feeling like shite, I headed into town to get to the theatre. Again in the ibot because the theatre website said the lift was pretty small. The ibot is far smaller than my Tri.
Well bugger me, the lift was bloody TINY. The staff member had to get in with me as well. SHE may as well have been sitting on my lap as well, it was so squeezed. Literally I had to scrape my way in, and scrape reverse my way out…. Perfect conditions for my hungover state.
But Sheila and I had a good time! I had to employ Hair of the Dog tactics to get through the evening.
It wasn’t aided in the slightest by the District Line being shut. I therefore had to do all sorts to get into town. Trains and ramps and changes of train – all the stuff I love ( not ).

Today I’m feeling rough.

Inches

As my eldest and I left Richmond theatre just now… a police car chase almost claimed me as collateral damage.
To say it was close is an understatement.
I’d say it was less than 6 inches… the gap between myself and a police car doing 60mph in a narrow street. If you know the roads around Richmond Green, you’ll get it. They’re NARROW.

Amazing quite a few people weren’t mown down to be honest, given a good 150 were pouring out of the theatre.

I saw the two guys on the motorbike speed past me … but wasn’t aware of the cop car following at chase speed.

Another life gone, I’d say.

That’s about 15 now. 😳

Pizza

And thanks to Suzanne for restoring my faith in online dating sites… after a really good day out at Twickenham stadium and afterwards at The Cabbage Patch pub. Not places I’d usually go, as a Welsh fella but her brother has a big connection with Barnstable Rugby Club.. who were playing in the Papa John’s Cup Final!
Winners get free pizzas for life ( probably ).

Well after a bloody end to end game and a 35-35 draw .. the other side ( Heath ) were declared the winners because they scored the first try?! That’s the rule ..
SHAME! But hey. All the Heath players will be big fat bastards in a few years after all the free pizzas, so it’s better to have lost.

Her family day out .. and I was invited.
Big love to Suzy and her lovely fam.
X

Cheap? Nah.

After the bruising encounter with Blankety Blank on the weekend.. I escaped by triride to north London. I got a free ticket for The Affordable Art Fair in Hampstead ( no less ). Bit moneyed up there, tis.
The artwork was pretty cool, I have to say… although not that affordable unless you live in Hampstead.. ahhhh that explains the Fair location! Doh!

Because a park on a hill doesn’t have flat paths ( obviously ) it felt pretty precarious most of the time when in Hampstead parkland.. particularly around the world famous bathing ponds. I felt i could topple over at any second for just about all of the time.

Using a phone satnav isn’t always the best idea for the 13 mile trip home. .. this happens a lot. I set it to WALK directions.. yet it then flips to DRIVE There’s no notification that it has flipped until… you turn onto a major road.

The North Circular in the rush hour wasn’t my plan. Once on i decided to just brave it all the way back…. but I should have got off it asap in retrospect. Too big a road and too many cars and lorries. When you are going at the same speed or faster than the traffic… that’s fine. But when it’s speeding past you, it’s scary tbh.

Not as scary as being in a conversation with Blankety though. Give me dicing with death on the roads any day 😳

Skinny Pete and the wee bottle affair.

I had a date at the weekend. We went to see Peter Kay in the O2. Blimey I bought those tickets in 2019, I think. Then it was the pandemic etc etc and eventually the show was on Saturday.
My date and I enjoyed it. He is a funny fella.
HOWEVER.. and I’m not one to stick a negative on weight loss.. but the funny fat guy is now a bit of a serious looking thin ish guy. He’s got the same voice of course, and the same humour etc but in his particular case .. it’s definitely detracted from his act!

My date did stay for the weekend.. but after she had gone and I then went with my chum Roy to see the Black Keys in (the newly reopened ) Brixton Academy.. I sent her a message saying I didn’t think we had enough chemistry to make a partnership likely… well Blankety Blank ( that’s not her real name ) … got really cross.
Whereas she’d thanked me for a lovely weekend.. now I was ‘ an arse’ , ‘ arrogant’ and ‘ obnoxious’ no less. Well if I was all of those things, why would she have thanked me for a lovely weekend? I think it was because she was a bit f’d off I didn’t tell her she was dreamy instead.
I don’t usually go on dates with ladies who haven’t been mums. Mums are nice and not fazed so much by the ‘ downsides’ of paralysis.
Blankety Blank was a bit horrified by me asking her to transport a bottle of wee ( yes wee ) to the loo when she was going anyway. I mean I can’t actually get into one in my triride so the obvious option is to stick it in a bottle and ask my ( CARER TICKETED ) companion to do that for me.

No more non mums for me! 😂
My error, totally.
Only done it once before and she was equally horrified by the same request actually. Clearly I have faith in humanity and it’s misplaced.

Thanks to Mr Roy for a fun night in Brixton!
I got home via Triride on the 11 mile trip .. 15 minutes faster than he did via vehicular transport. See, everyone should have a wheelchair and a triride.

Tidy

And great to see my ickle Yukon race chum at the end of his 63 mile jog from Brighton to London..
Good effort young Rob. You didn’t half smell at the end mind.

Thank you to Elizabeth for coming to the theatre to see Stranger Things with me. Neither of us had a clue it was like a cult following. You can optionally swap the letter L for an N.
Anyway it was weird but pretty good. Another ‘ play ‘ that used actors AND a background film footage. Seems to have crept into theatre ! Plays are half films now. Maybe they should be called Flays.

Saw Back to Black with Suzy Sue. Really moving film. I used to work in Camden and it was a bit of a hedonistic time for me tbh! But I didn’t get addicted to all the alcohol I drank and I didn’t take any drugs at all. Unlike Amy. I used to think she was a bit of a skank. Now I don’t. I can see she was supremely talented and just made bad choices which screwed her up because she just couldn’t handle them. I have an addictive personality.. but not to drugs .. mine is exercise.. in the main ( and other stuff I won’t write about .. ) I still exercise for hours a day often but of course now it’s only a few parts I can actually work on. 🤷

Thanks massively to Marky P for all his help with my van. It’s now actually possible for me to drive it safely! Before… well it wasn’t safe at all. Now I have a wheelchair that is attached to the floor of the vehicle so that when I crash.. I’ll stay in the van rather than end up mangled on the car bonnet. And thanks to Toby too, plus to Auto Mobility Concepts of Hemel Hempstead – really helpful people!

And always always thanks to Gina G x