So after what? 5 weeks of restrictions I get ( suddenly?) identified as vulnerable…

Yesterday I got an email from ASDA saying that I could have a priority slot because I’m vulnerable ( tho actually on the website it didn’t seem to recognise me as such and the first available slot is in 15 days….. booked! And then I get a call from Hounslow Council, and then today I get a food parcel turn up!

It’s a while since I’ve had Mighty White sliced bread and tinned pork, along with a tin of Del Monte fruit cocktail ( and other delights ) but hey I’m not going to starve… mind you for all the lack of urgency in the Vulnerable Response Team, I could have wasted away and died by now.

This dentistry malarkey in the lockdown. No dental appointments available when my front tooth came out again.
This time I thought I’d give it a proper go. I mean how hard can it be, working blind inside your own mouth?

But I used a bit of nous and reasoned that the reason it wasn’t staying in was cos the tooth had bits of dental glue on it that made it not fit in properly… so I kinda shaved all the bits off that I thought were glue rather than tooth.
Hey Presto! It fitted in much better.

Superglue again – this time not getting it on my fingers. Last time, that happened and I had this tooth stuck between the finger and my thumb of my left hand, when actually I wanted to put it in with my right hand. … it wasn’t my finest hour.

But this time … different story!

I’ll add dentistry to the list of my, er, talents then.

See here for all you need for home crown replacement ..

My daughter Lily socially distancing threw me a few little chocolate rock cakes over my fence the other day, having also gone to the pharmacy to collect medicines for me.

There’s a reason they are called rock cakes, as became apparent to me when I bit into one and my front tooth broke off.

It’s a great time to lose a front tooth, when you can’t get a dental appointment for any reason other than absolutely stark risk of death from an abscess that has taken over your whole head… so obviously I tried superglue.

It’s wonky and wobbly, but hey it’s ok looking from a social distance!

A clergyman has become the first person in America to die following on from Trump’s advice last night. His wife injected Domestos into his veins. She is now being charged with a Bleach of the Priest.

As years of violence hopefully come to an end with the signing of a new peace agreement in the Democratic Republic of Congo, a survey of mortality estimates that the ongoing humanitarian crisis has claimed some 5.4 million lives since 1998.

According to figures released last week by the International Rescue Committee, the legacy of conflict continues to result in as many as 45 000 deaths every month.

“The conflict and its aftermath, in terms of fatalities, surpass any other since the second world war,” said the relief agency’s president, George Rupp.

“Congo’s loss is equivalent to the entire population of Denmark or the state of Colorado perishing within a decade. Although Congo’s war formally ended five years ago, ongoing strife and poverty continue to take a staggering toll. We hope this week’s peace agreement in North Kivu will mean an end to the hostilities and a restart of reconciliation and recovery efforts.”

Me and Wendy are having a lot of sex dressed in full PPE.
You can’t be too careful, I say.

It’s great. As she’s in a mask I can pretend it’s whoever I want.

This week I’ve been shagged by Anthea Turner, Uhura off Star Trek and Kylie.

A man eats a Bat in Wuhan and causes a queue outside Asda in Leeds.

I propose The Butterfly Effect be renamed The Bat Effect.

Since I’d NOT received the Stay at Home letter, until this afternoon, I was occasionally leaving the flat, tho not touching anything or going near anyone… and I had this morning. Less people around so you look more at the odd ones you see..

Anyway I saw this woman and an older man. I realised that it was that TV sports presenter woman, and that other fella that’s in charge ( or maybe was ) of the BBC.

These 2 –

But it did occur to me that somehow their surnames have got mixed up….

What do you think…?

Mr Russell Dawkins
Flat ******
Brentford
Middx
TW8 8FN
IMPORTANT: PERSONAL
Your NHS number: 498 *********
Dear Mr Russell Dawkins
****London
DATE: 17 April 2020
IMPORTANT ADVICE TO KEEP YOU SAFE FROM CORONAVIRUS
Your safety and the continued provision of the care and treatment you need is a priority for the NHS. This letter gives you advice on how to protect yourself and access the care and treatment you need.
The NHS has identified you, or the named person you care for, as someone at risk of severe illness if you catch Coronavirus (also known as COVID-19). This is because you have an underlying disease or health condition that means if you catch the virus, you are more likely to be admitted to hospital than others.
The safest course of action is for you to stay at home at all times and avoid all face-to-face contact for at least twelve weeks from today, except from carers and healthcare workers who you must see as part of your medical care. This will protect you by stopping you from coming into contact with the virus.
If you are in touch with friends, family or a support network in your community who can support you to get food and medicine, follow the advice in this letter. If you do not have contacts who can help support you go to www.gov.uk/coronavirus- extremely-vulnerable or call 0800 0288327, the Government’s dedicated helpline.
If, at any point, you think you have developed symptoms of coronavirus, such as a new, continuous cough and/or high temperature (above 37.8 °C), seek clinical advice using the NHS 111 online coronavirus service (https://111.nhs.uk/covid-19/). If you do not have access to the internet, call NHS 111. Do this as soon as you get symptoms.

You, or the person you care for, should:
 strictly avoid contact with someone who is displaying symptoms of coronavirus (COVID-19). These symptoms include high temperature (above 37.8 °C) and/or a

etc etc.