Last night.

So last night Gina and I went to deepest darkest North East London to see a band called De Staat. We met up with Leighton and Bev.

The Hackney Tap ( pub ) is, according to its website, wheelchair accessible. When I got there ( in the ibot ) the 2 front steps ( only way in ) are about 10 inches high, each. Whilst the ibot can do steps, it can’t do a virtual wall of 20 inches.
On the wall next to the main door there was a nailed on metal plate saying WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE. Relieved, I expected and waited for someone to come out with a large and long metal ramp…. that being the implication of the signage.
Imagine my surprise then when the disinterested staff member said that as far as he knew they didn’t have a ramp… I pointed out the sign only to receive a shrug… ok then!

Leighton n Bev were already there, had got drinks and had ordered food… therefore they didn’t really want to leave and go somewhere else ( understandably enough ).

But for me to get in was a challenge.

But wait… up steps Leigh ( Jones ) with a solution. Off he went and came back with ( wait for it ) .. some cardboard to build a ramp.
Yes… whilst it may not be the obvious material with which to build a ramp strong enough to support a wheelchair weighing 150kg and a bloke in it weighing 88kg… he set to work folding up the boxes.
Now I know what you’re thinking – that’s never going to work for God’s sake.

Then, Disinterested staff member suddenly appeared with a metal ramp, having phoned the person in charge of wheelchair ramps. The 20 inch elevation ( legally ) requires a ramp of of 160 inches length. That’s 13 feet and a bit ( about 4 meters ). The ramp he was carrying was at most 2 feet long ie a bit short. The ramp didn’t even go from the bottom to the top of the 2 steps.. but the fella thought I should have a go anyway.

Well knowing that a falling over ibot isn’t something I can leap from to save myself… I was reticent to try it.

However.. with Leigh’s origami skills with cardboard, and the climbing capability of the ibot… along with 3 people pushing me … somewhat unbelievably I ascended the completely 100% unsuitable structure, obviously wobbling precariously for the longest 5 seconds of my life. What Leigh is doing working in recruitment I’ll never know. What a waste 🙄

Looking very chuffed with his engineering achievement, Leigh then regaled Gina and I with sexual shenanigan stories of his friend Simon, who has just been caught by his wife and is now homeless… mmmmm good skills that man! There’s always a winner.. and in this case it’s the Wokingham Premier Inn.

The gig was bloody brilliant, although the wheelchair lift space doubled as a booth for selling gig merchandise and the cloakroom attendant’s area. There seems to be an awful lot of loose adherence to wheelchair patron health and safety in Hackney, but with Leigh Jones there I knew I was in safe hands.

The names Jones and Kingdom Brunel can ( from last night ) always be uttered in the same breath. Indeed had Jones been in charge of the Clifton Suspension Bridge project, they’d have saved an awful lot of money! Steel ? Schmeel!
Herald the new miracle construction material…… Cardboard!

And if it gets wet and falls down, well the rebuild costs are so bloody cheap! I really don’t know why no one has ever thought of it before.

Idiots these engineers.

2 thoughts on “Last night.

  1. A little artistic license has been utilised there I believe for comedic effect.

    I’ll take it as a complement- you got in and out and home in one piece and had an excellent night.

    I’ll take that!

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