So after a bit of lateral thinking I’ve got a welder to come to where I am on Monday to weld my damaged/ failed Triride – massive thanks to Wolf ( no, not the one off Gladiators, or X Men, but a different one )
Must be all that future starvation that is sharpening my mind…
Im also gonna subscribe to the SCD diet ( which isn’t far off what I do already, anyway, but the health benefits ( for those that suffer intestinal problems ) are significant, according to their testimonies anyway. We’ll see what happens – in my case it just means dropping potatoes ( which I don’t eat many of, and not having any porridge or milk chocolate- tho you can have dark chocolate if you want, and drink dry wine if you like – so it’s hardly punitive ).
Initially the fasting is supposed to be a bit difficult, but the theory is that it sharpens your brain, because our caveman predecessors had to think pretty sharpish about finding food, when there was none to eat, a problem we don’t have in the West.
A day a month is ok to begin with, but more is fine, and a whole week or 2 separate weeks per year is fine also.
So let’s see – im up for it, for sure. I’d say that anyone that vehemently disagrees with the concept is in the main part a bit food obsessed, which dictates their thinking – but that’s me being provocative, perhaps!
Russ
If my brain would become sharper, I’d be able to deal with stuff more easily I reckon?
We’ve tried adjusting the angle of the Mountain Trike so that I might be able to propel it better, but whilst the angle was better, the pain in my rib cage was too much for me to take, so we got me back out of it. I got help into my regular chair and then did ten sets of modified pull ups instead, followed by other arm and chest stuff involving elastic resistance bands and a Power Spin device. The thing is that I do need the physical release to make my mind relax – I’ve always been that way and it’s not going to alter after all this time. Thank God I can use my arms, still. It’s beyond contemplation to think of a life with no limb use, for me, so I must feel a bit grateful.
Thank you all for sending so many messages to me, out here, via my blog, by text and by calls. Some are from people I havent even met, which is incredibly touching. They do of course make a difference to me in a big way.
Yes, Margaret, you can be maid of honour, as long as Pia can be a bridesmaid 😊…. How many bridesmaids can you have, and is there an age limit? Can you have an adult pageboy? So much I don’t know! Can someone find out for me?!
Obviously I’m not actually about to get married – but who knows what my future might be?! I know it’ll be brighter than my past of 5 yrs
So I’ve ordered new batteries for my iBot from USA – so hopefully they’ll get to Britain soon ish and my tech genius buddy, Lester ( and Toby ) will install them – no easy task I’m sure, but they’re clever guys! Then I hope the iBot will get at least a temporary lease of new revitalised life
Thunderstorms in Portugal while London bakes… its stopped raining for a bit so I’ll go out soon on my Triride – tho the bracket is breaking again ( as it did when I went to Paris with Stella ) This is a different bracket so it’s evidently a design fault and needs welding Perhaps I can get that done here.
My credit card has just been used fraudulently so it’s been stopped – a minor inconvenience overall, but getting the replacement to me may take a bit.
I may come back in May for a bit, if Ashley can cope with myself and my Carer!? I have some gigs that we can go to, and that would be a very positive thing for me!
Russ
So I watch a bit of classic Hi de Hi on telly and then ask Krisztina to put on a DVD.
After half an hour, guess what ?
More Nazis! You couldn’t make this up?!
And then violent sodomy after that.
Too afraid to turn on the TV now, so I’ll switch back to Audiobooks
Heil Hitler .
Well it’s not plain sailing, moving to another country where you don’t know anyone, and rather restricted by being too physically messed up to do things that you actually would love to do.
I feel myself sliding a bit, I must say. That was predictable, wasn’t it really?
Perhaps my choice of distraction hasn’t been ideal… so far I’ve listened to a detailed audiobook account of the horrors of The Nazi Final Solution – ‘ Auschwitz – a doctor’s eyewitness account ‘ a book that everyone in the world ( over 16 ? ) ought read. It was mesmerising and compelling listening but for all the wrong reasons. It is literally beyond comprehension what Hitler made happen there, and in other similar concentration camps.
Then i totally inadvertently watched The Book Thief – more Nazi death and Anti Semitism.
Then Hostel – a Tarantino horror which is about as sick as it gets, and everyone gets killed – though the fiction in no way even compared to the reality of Auschwitz
My endless email commitments to my housing intentions go on and on, as well as my ‘ other legal situation ‘ in hand, my inability to use my Mountain Trike as I used to does get to me – the surgeon that rendered me far more unable than I was, when i committed myself to having my Back straightened, is in my mind quite a lot, as I struggle badly to self propel that exercise chair. How I ended up like this is ( in my opinion, and possibly that of other qualified professionals ) just criminal – when it was sold to me as making my life better…
So things are not all ok, I’d say. I’ll be here until at least late June before I’m likely to be able to do anything else, and that’s a long time, long enough to unhinge me if I’m not careful, though I’m not sure what the answer is. Coming back for a bit is hardly straightforward, as the flights and transfers themselves are just unpleasant, and when I get back I’d have nowhere suitable to go, anyway, so it’s probably best avoided, on balance.
Of course I haven’t eased off on the prescribed antidepressants, knowing full well in the back of my head that optimism was probably a bit misplaced really. The weather isn’t even good, which is a bit of a surprise- that supposedly being the guaranteed consolation prize.
One of my University friends has what is probably terminal cancer, which is let’s face it going to happen to more and more contemporaries of mine, given the statistics. I’ve been in touch and had a response though I sense all ahead is going to be worse for him than it currently is. The thoughts that he will be having will be familiar ones to me, these last 5 years.
Someone else I know is being buried today- this person actually crossed the road to avoid me after seeing me in my wheelchair after my release from hospital, much to my sadness. Today he is hopefully surrounded by people who would not have crossed the road to avoid him, had he been struck down, but who knows … funerals can be attended by people who perhaps just felt guilty in real life for not keeping in touch whilst the deceased was alive, as well as those truly compassionate who might attend.
I went to my schoolmate’s funeral on April 6th in Wales, as I’m sure i wrote, but perhaps i didn’t – we missed the moving church service by being delayed on the M4 from London, but Ian ( if you believe in such things ) would have known I was there at the cremation, paying my respects and saying things to him inside my mind. It was good to see a few old school friends- particularly Charlie- who apparently reads this diary, and Leigh, as well as my Mum and Dad and brother Stu.
Ashley thought my slightly awry sense of humour was peculiar to me…until she met the rest of my family (!)
Im trying dairy and gluten free to see what that does for me, after advice from Brian the Quadraplegic – who really is quite a clever guy, I must say. Brian was paralysed jumping into a lake on a supervised adventure holiday, at 15, so really knows what a terrible life changer it is, yet really is an inspiration to me, i must say. I’d hoped to be able to buy a home near him in London, but there was no way that I could afford Battersea prices, ultimately, so visits will have to do.
Christ I know all that reads a tad negatively ( because it is ) but hey, I’ll bounce back hopefully soonish.
Russ
Blimey – tonight we are going to a restaurant. It’s the second time in 18 months that I’ve done that, the last time being on NYE. Actually, that’s not strictly true, as I’ve had a few pizzas with Marky P in the last few months, and a pizza with Ashley a month ago, just the once. Oh, and I shared a pizza with Pia pre gig, twice in Camden .
Its a chicken n chips place, and we’ll go there by bicycle, so not exactly flash, but the less you do stuff the most you appreciate it when you do, right? I might even have a glass of wine, but no certainty, having had maybe 2 pints of beer in a month, which is a good thing in times of potential emotional stress. Daft really that so many people do the opposite, and try to drink their way through stress, or think that drink is a solution – well it’s not, is it? The drugs don’t work, they just make it worse… as someone once sang.
Funny what people do to make themselves feel better, knowing that what they’re doing will only make it worse. Drinkers drink, over eaters eat more et etc. As I eat like a sparrow, thé latter cant possibly happen, and I’ve made a conscious decision to avoid the former, so that bit of my life I definitely have control over. Other bits, it would seem not ever for some, and not for the foreseeable, with others.
But i am lookin forward to the chicken. It is raining so we’ll get wet on the way. Never mind.
Thé sun has come out today, which is welcome.
Ashley helped me to oil and get working the Mountain Trike wheelchair which is self propelled through pump action. Since my extra fixation it’s more difficult to use, as my body is pushed back by my metalwork so much, but I can tell that my aerobic fitness is awful compared to the last time I was able to use it. It takes me back to being in Stoke Mandeville hospital and trying to propel my wheelchair for the first times, having lost all my muscle and being in a coma. The shock of being so physically weak was a nightmare scenario for me, having always been so strong.
From now on then I’ll use it every day. The improvements should come fast, and i want to be less reliant on sleeping tablets to sleep. Being more physically tired will make a big difference in that need to sleep. Sleeping tablets are addictive, and I’m sure that I’m addicted to mine, having taken them every night for 18 months.
Lets see what happens.