My situation is that I own ( mortgaged ) an apartment in the Algarve. Whilst nice enough, it is full of the memories of my previous life, which are now haunting me.

I don’t know anyone here, and don’t want to spend my time drinking in bars, and becoming some wheelchair bar freak.  As I’ve very little to go back to Britain for, maybe I’ll halt the sale of this place ( early stages ) and stay here?

I was going to come back on the 2nd but if i can secure a carer hère, then I won’t – I’ll stay and save myself the fear of everything going wrong in London, and myself ending up stuck and unwanted. Feeling a nuisance is a real dent in an already battered body and mind.

I’ll decide on Monday what I’m going to do.

Funny, or rather not funny at all how my outlook can shift from positive to the opposite. Yesterday I was in the mindset that I really could see myself being happy again, but today that has shifted.

I used to see things written by the Paralysed about what fun they’d had, and dismiss them totally as lies – how could you be happy and paralysed, it’s just completely contradictory.

I have glimpsed happiness but they remain glimpses.

As the trend of late has been a bit of a FlatLine with occasional rises, tho more dips, I cannot say that I’m heading in that happiness direction, with total honesty.

Again today I’ve tried to call my two daughters, but with the usual straight to voicemail outcome – it makes me so sad, but I keep trying nonetheless.  Lily is looking into Uni choices and I have no input or opinion that’s been sought, which is heartbreaking for me. I never thought it would be this way – what loving father would ? I hope they are happy despite not having me in their lives. Their mother has a boyfriend, who I hope is a positive influence, but I’ve no idea.

No doubt I’ll force myself out of this dip soonish.

So my second day of fasting has passed easily.  I’m on 22 hours and won’t eat before bed, so it’ll be 36 hours.

My stomach definitely appears to de-bloat very effectively, so I reckon I’m onto a winner with this.  It’s no big deal not to eat, it’ll be easier not to put on weight through relative lack of post paralysis exercise, so it’s a bit of a no brainer really.

Ashley has been here for 3 days so it’s been just lovely having her with me. We do have such a laugh – odd girl seems to have the same sense of humour as me … what are the odds on that?!

She’s gone, but the slight compensation is that a new way of getting around arrived, after a fair bit of setback.

Check this out – first go, after about 20 Minutes.

There may be trouble ahead…..

So I’m checking out my close friend, Mike Smith’s forthcoming desert race in Namibia ( 6 days long ) and I see that out of the hundred or so racers is another close friend of mine- Monique Dube.

Crazy small world, isn’t it? Both tough characters and both nice on the outside with steely insides.

I wish them all the Best in the race, obviously.

Mike is raising money for a brilliant cause – his friends lost their little girl, and Mike is contributing to the medical cause that is trying to prevent other children dying.

His fundraising page is –

https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/mikesmith2

If you can, take a look and support him.

You can follow the race via –

https://www.4deserts.com/sahararace/LIVE

Russ

A 9 hour sleep without a sleeping tablet.

Wow – that’s progress. I’m doing non stop arm exercise during the day  – they don’t make me FEEL tired, but I guess it is working!

Russ

My Triride bracket now welded, it feels a lot safer on the downhills when braking… before it felt like the bloody thing was about to break off all the time.

Thanks to Wolf for sorting that for me. I have emailed Triride about this fairly obvious design fault, but I don’t think they really want to admit it.  It can’t just have been my bad luck that BOTH my brackets have needed welding, but hey. Wish backs were that easy to fix.

Tonight is another violent Swedish film – the third of the ‘Girl with a dragon tattoo’ trilogy – my carer looks a lot like the unlikely heroine in the film, down to even the same physique. I don’t think Krisztina would be able to kill so many people though, or hack into the police network, but then again you never really know.

Lovely to speak to Caroline B today, and catch up with Pia too. Reception is a bit dodgy out here, but we managed ok.

I’m looking forward to seeing Ashley tomorrow night, just a little bit 😉

So my Triride has gone for welding, and I’m without transport temporarily, which is ok. They are apparently very good at fixing stuff out here, so I have confidence in them.

When the bit that attaches the motor to the chair is failing, it’s not that inspiring in terms of its safety factor – but hopefully it’ll come back soon.

Sunny now as well – who’d have thunk it? Factor 50 applied, but you still go brown! I wish I’d known that basic fact about 30 years ago…

Good to hear from my Uni mate, Hartley, who has, for the first time in his life apparently, just clicked on a blog link – Good Lord, if he can do it, anything is possible ? He’ll be leaving comments next ?!

Still all sorts of black stuff coming out of me, but perhaps it’s influenced by my charcoal intake – that WOULD add up…

Ashley comes back for a little bit tomorrow night, which is exciting for sure.

I haven’t watched any comedies on telly, but watched some Swedish movies with subtitles  – no, not what you’re thinking, but tbh those Scandi girls are very cute, aren’t they ?! Pia is one, so I can vouch for her being the same.

Other than that, blondes are so last year, having found a gorgeous brunette – well you have to roll with it, right ?!

Russ

…. is that I have definitely fallen in love  with Ashley.

She is everything I could wish for, and more.

❤️

26 hours in and I feel hungry- not a familiar feeling to me, anymore!

I just found a sugar free mint in my bag and ate that. Then 2 almonds that must have been there for ages, as well.. I’m not anywhere near a food supply, but if I was I’d almost certainly eat something!

Well I’m 22 hours of no food and I haven’t felt hungry- I am looking at the dark chocolate on the table occasionally, but it’s minimal interest. I don’t have any less energy and i do actually feel sharper I’d say, and definitely not in any way tetchy.

My bloating has gone down over the last few days with my diet change, and I’m eating charcoal tablets  too. You do have to buy them, you can’t just burn some wood and then eat that….

Also I’ve chewed a clove of garlic every day for 4 days….

Benefits –

Without eating you seem to have a lot more time!

My tongue is black and my breath stinks, so far less harassment from females.

Not a single bite off a vampire.

Flatter stomach I’d say, already.

Saved money on food.

Ive not taken sleeping tablets for 4 days either – I sleep for 6/7 hours, but  more alert on waking. Because I sleep less, I’m more tired at bedtime so more inclined to go to bed before 12.. no downsides 🙂