Plan B were definitely worth the effort and the lack of sleep, though it hasn’t been caught up on as yet.

The complexities of engaging a carer for my daily needs are omniprésent wherever I am, and I manage to live as full a life as I’m able, I think. It was lovely to meet lots of a friend’s  family and spend time with 7 children altogether – I enjoy the company of kids a lot ( being one myself ) and I have at least had some compensation for not seeing my own at all, despite my efforts. I can obviously not be a Dad to children that are not my own , but perhaps another adult  presence would  lighten her load a little – I hope so at least, though she is ever so capable by herself. What I’m saying is that I just want to feel useful in a family situation, rather than rejected completely.

It’s now back from Oxford and to London again – having a Motability car with a drive on ramp makes my life easier when it comes to traveling options, as I find it very difficult to get in and out of cars without having someone very strong and alert to assist me. I am so high in the chair that I can’t really see anything out of the window, so it’s not exactly perfect, but I’m looking at the positives, as I do. I’d far rather go shorter distances by road on the Triride when I get the wind in my face.

Last night I had what seemed to be the most realistic dream, where I had recovered enough to walk fairly well and feel sensation most places – i was so happy to be able to use my legs again, it was just amazing. After a while in the dream I asked myself whether I was just dreaming that I could walk again, and cast doubt on the reality of the dream within the dream. I determined that as the walking had gone on all day, that was longer than the possible duration of a dream, so therefore it must be true.

I woke up  then and to my distress it wasn’t true, any of it.

I used to have these kinds of dreams regularly but it’s been a while since the last one. They are lovely for as long as you are asleep – it’s just the waking up part thats thé killer.

Tonight it’s Gomez ( band ) in north London – should be great, and sleep will have to wait i think.

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