Funny, or rather not funny at all how my outlook can shift from positive to the opposite. Yesterday I was in the mindset that I really could see myself being happy again, but today that has shifted.

I used to see things written by the Paralysed about what fun they’d had, and dismiss them totally as lies – how could you be happy and paralysed, it’s just completely contradictory.

I have glimpsed happiness but they remain glimpses.

As the trend of late has been a bit of a FlatLine with occasional rises, tho more dips, I cannot say that I’m heading in that happiness direction, with total honesty.

Again today I’ve tried to call my two daughters, but with the usual straight to voicemail outcome – it makes me so sad, but I keep trying nonetheless.  Lily is looking into Uni choices and I have no input or opinion that’s been sought, which is heartbreaking for me. I never thought it would be this way – what loving father would ? I hope they are happy despite not having me in their lives. Their mother has a boyfriend, who I hope is a positive influence, but I’ve no idea.

No doubt I’ll force myself out of this dip soonish.

One thought on “Saturday

  1. I really know what you mean. For the last 2 weeks I have felt really down. It was a couple of comments that made feel like this from people that I hardly know. I think I took it the wrong way, I know one day your daughters will realise how selfish they have been and get in touch with you. Until then I don’t know really what to say. I found my Father dead when I was 16 and I had to go out to work to help support my Mum. There were no luxuries of going to University or Hols. abroad, I know from reading your blogs that you are a very caring person and one day the tables will be turned and your ex Wife will get her come uppance. I think that is how you spell it. Lots of love to you Margaret x x

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