I keep fantasising that I’m Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and occasionally, Bing Crosby.

Think I’ve got crooner virus.

I’m in the HIGH RISK category of copping it if I get Corona’fied.

Am I bovvered…?

Nahhhhh!

There’s a new film coming out this week. It’s a remake of an oldie and it’s called The Invisible Man.

I got a text from Wendy today –

‘We should go and see the invisible man xxx‘

Ha! I said. You can’t catch me out with that old joke!

Mmm. Seems she hadn’t actually realised what she was writing… That’s girls for you….! 😂

Hong Kong is a higher risk area than Italy for 2 reasons: Firstly the density of our population; secondly our proximity and close relationship with China. We had our first coronavirus cases in mid Jan. So why has coronavirus been less severe in Hong Kong (116 cases, 3 deaths) than Italy? (It could still go bad again in HK…)

1. The government take it seriously
   Having been through it before (SARS), the government closed schools (so far) until April 20th; the Chinese border is effectively closed (anyone crossing gets 14 days in quarantine). Compulsery quarantine has been extended to people coming from the most affected countries too.
   
   
2. The population take it seriously
   People wear masks, wash their hands, use hand sanitizer and (mainly) avoid large scale social events. It’s also important to try not to touch your face, avoid kiss & handshake greetings and if you feel sick – stay home or go to the doctor!
   
   
3. Businesses take it seriously
   A lot of people are working from home; I get my temperature taken about twice a day (on entering some business premises)

So there you have it – if the UK wants to avoid another Italy, the whole country needs to take it seriously and use its common sense… If the fact my Mum’s local Church are all still drinking out of the Communion Cup is representative, you have no chance!!!
Cheers all!

Is Italy the Corona virus crystal ball for the rest of the world?

It arrived here first in the western hemisphere and is spreading to every corner of the globe, I expect what has happened here to be mirrored everywhere else, with a four week time lag, I wanted to post this to temper the media fear-mongering that I hear is prevalent, so here’s a brief roundup of what to expect based on facts.

Five weeks ago we had 60 positive cases.

As of this evening, we have 9200+/- positives, another 1800 in the last 24 hours, as each day passes now, the number of new cases seems to increase exponentially.

The mortality rate in Italy at the moment is 5% and slowly climbing, partially attributed to the larger than average elderly population I would guess.

10% of people that contract the virus need hospitalisation and now hospitals are so full in the red zones that cancer treatments are being stopped and authorities have decided upon a demographic to accept into care to try to save and the rest will go untreated, there simply isn’t the space in the hospitals or the staff.

All schools and universities are closed nationwide.

All public events have been cancelled nationwide.

Shaking hands is banned.

Church services have been banned.

All civil services such as marriages and funerals are prohibited nationwide.

All cinemas and theatres are closed nationwide as are pubs, bars for the meantime remain open.

Restaurants are staying open for the moment so long as they rearrange seating to give spacing of one metre between customers but it seems the customers aren’t going anyway.

The red zones have been closed off, effectively quarantining 16 million people, a quarter of the population, anyone caught trying to leave these zones face fines or three month prison sentences.

I don’t believe Italy will use methods of control as draconian as China has been accused of so I don’t know what that means for the national situation in say one months time, if numbers keep climbing as they are, by the end of March there could be 40,000 positive cases and it seems the great hope is for the heat of summer to deal with the virus, that will be maybe three months away at least.

The Italian economy is going to be in tatters by the summer, at which point the country would normally be full of tourists that prop up the economy, this year that seems highly unlikely to happen.

So there you go then. Worldwide economic collapse in the offing, and large scale death of those that are weakest. Blimey….. sounds like it’s back to nature then. The weakest are supposed to die. It’s only ‘ modern advancement’ that keeps us all alive way beyond the ‘ natural ‘ lifespan we should have, with health and medical companies making huge profits from keeping everyone alive for ever. People like me shouldn’t be alive. I should have died at the time of my accident. My health is managed artificially. As im completely sanguine about death, if Corona took me then I wouldn’t give a monkeys arse. It’s certainly going to kill lots in my situation who are more disabled than me. Well that’s only natural isn’t it? It’s hard to argue otherwise, surely.
I haven’t stockpiled anything, but I do have quite a lot of wine so it could be worse.

In the pursuit of being seen by other road users, I purchased a pretty cool rucksack, after I spied this dude on a skateboard in Hyde Park using one. It’s cool because it has an LED panel on the back. That means it’s like having a TV screen on your back, with moving images that are of your choosing. Now obvs that makes you 1/ highly visible and 2/ gives you scope to have a laugh with what you put on the screen.

You can download GIFS – short repeating videos – as many as you want, and have them playing in sequence, or draw your own pictures, or write your own messages that can flash, can repeat, can move in different ways etc etc. You can be sensible, or you can be ‘ topical ‘ or risqué …

I imagine I could be stopped by the Feds for anything indecent/ too offensive, so I so far have been ( sort of ) sensible. The novelty of being sensible will wear off soon I’m sure.

Floods and Corona then. One of em is gonna get you or someone you know quite soon. It’s when Corona starts killing ( old ) famous people that the reality will kick in. No one is exempt… it’s in Italy in a big way and will infiltrate the Vatican City. All those cardinals and the Pope… all old. Presidential candidates in America…. all old peeps. Go abroad and catch it, go to crowded places and catch it, or get your mates round to yours and catch it. I’m fascinated by it, and what will happen. Not in an obsessive way, but it’s bringing down companies and will change the world. Losing a billion people will make a fair difference to man’s effect on the planet ( well provided we don’t burn everyone and add to global warming via that )

Aye Corona!

Staying in more because of the unrelenting rain means more cosy nights in with my girl ( when she’s in London ) Watching films in bed isn’t too awful an option when you are with a beautiful woman, who happens to be breathtakingly fit. Wendy is a very rare thing – the body of a 25 year old athlete ( with just the most amazing bum ) despite being a mum of 2 in her 40’s… well that’s good for me! Plus she’s most certainly the most snuggly and loving woman I’ve ever met ( by far ) .. so it’s not all bad in my world any more.

Great to see Cress and Toby yesterday ( for lunch no less ), to see a fair bit of Marky P, including Royal Geograpical Society nights, to spend a day watching the rugby with Leigh, to seeing Lily, to seeing some old mates at Clair’s party, and to teach my brand of English to the varied selection of peeps that turn up to my class. I get housewives and I get refugees, I get young and old. They are all positive and they all smile a lot, despite their ‘ situations’ not being ones they are used to or wished for.
The Overprivileged could certainly learn a lot from em, that’s for sure. They seem to like me, and all show a lot of humanity. It’s a bit weird being called Sir, and no, I didn’t ask to be, but they all seem to insist on doing it. Respect is alive and well, if not so much so amongst the British born and bred. …

To help with transferring me from wheelchair to bed and back, and wheelchair to another wheelchair, and as I can’t do this myself since I was filled with metalwork, I now have 2 electric hoists. One’s in my bedroom and one is outside under cover on the terrace ( as I just don’t have room inside ) One is powered by a rechargeable battery and the other charges via the mains. Both however stop working when there’s a charging issue, and there’s no manual override or anything to enable me to go upwards. Occasionally I’m sort of halfway up and the hoist will start to beep, or just stop, and I’m left dangling. That’s ok if someone is there, but as I don’t always have assistance there it’s the case that sometimes I’m a bit buggered and by myself. The other day I was outside, it was bloody cold and the thing stopped about a foot up and a foot short of where I needed it. I managed to reach something to one side and hauled myself over to the right position, but it’s touch and go at best. I’ve decided to buy manual chain block and tackle hoists that are used in construction instead. Well they aren’t pretty but they are going to be reliable, and stop me being bloody stranded.
On the same topic, 2 nights ago I went outside to crack a coconut ( like you do ) against the railing on the terrace. Well there’s nothing hard enough indoors, hence my choice. I have to go side on to the railings and then smash the nut. It was dark and one wheel went into the soil flowerbed. … which I sort of ignored. But then when I tried to wheel away I couldn’t. I was stuck fast in the mud, tilted to one side and in the dark. Well bloody hell, I was pulling as hard as I could on the wheel rims and then the railing, trying to dislodge myself for about 10 minutes. It was dark, very cold and I just had a t shirt on. Because I have so much metal in my back I can’t turn my torso so my directions of travel are limited to forward and back, whereas I needed to go diagonally. Obviously I contemplated shouting for help but then I have the gamble of who jumps over the wall to help, perhaps opting to just leave me stranded and instead just rob me.. well you never know, right? Anyway after a shit load of effort, but definitely seeming to sink lower in the mud, I managed to escape , though unbelievably in the process managed to tangle a wheel in the solar lighting wires… and that’s a casualty.

Yet another lesson learned then. Life is a journey for sure!

I realised last night that I had a UTI. It’s been a while since one has got hold of me, and for a few hours I suppose I didn’t want to acknowledge it ( don’t know why that was ). I had gone to listen to a talk at the Royal Geograpical Society but my legs were spasming non stop in a familiar but thankfully not so familiar anymore way.
From about now, almost a day later, I feel ok again. I double dosed on antibiotic dose and as my urologist advised previously, that has had a rapid effect. What I realise now though, and is very sobering to realise, is how badly a UTI affects me. Last night seems really hazy to me, as though it was a dream. I recall going to the Royal Geograpical Society, I recall being there and in the audience in front of the speaker, a famous explorer, but I don’t recall anything he said, am aware of a feeling of panic, of being afraid and vulnerable and unhappy, of being able to think about nothing but stopping the spasms somehow, of not being able to think or speak coherently, and just wanting to get away.

I got myself back and somehow managed to remove the catheter from my abdomen and change it for another one ( something a nurse or doctor normally does ) because I suspected it just wasn’t draining properly ( and yes it did look all blocked up ) and finding my antibiotics, and feeling tearful, and calling Wendy and asking her to please help me, which of course she did, and having feelings of being unwanted and alone, and worthless and pointless, but trying to rationalise these feelings in the knowledge that I had a UTI which would hopefully soon be treated and gone.
What I also know is that for pretty much 2 whole years I had a non stop recurring UTI, for most of 2015 to 2017 which affected and dominated my thinking, and in that same period I lost my home, my business, and my wife and kids. Having had an infection for the 24/36 hours and feeling it’s awful effect on me, I can almost not see how I managed to survive ( literally ) for the 2 years that infections had me in their grip. I’m extremely surprised now that I chose life over ending it all, for all that time. I remember that people didn’t understand what I was going through, and didn’t seem to care although of course Pia did try her very best to. I looked ok ( albeit in a wheelchair ) so why couldn’t I just cheer up and appreciate being alive? Well having not had infections for 2 years I can now tell you that the difference mentally between having them and not having them is just vast. It’s really no wonder my life went into free fall. There haven’t been many unequivocal articles written about the mental effects of UTI’s on those with dementia and other disabling conditions, but for me the effects are dramatic.
I hope I don’t get many recurrences going forward. I don’t think I could go back to living like that, I really don’t.

I met up with my buddies last night in Richmond. I’m paralysed and P is blind with a guide dog. Until 7 years ago I wasn’t paralysed, and for the first 25 years P’s vision was fine. His diagnosis of a rare and progressive eye condition that would slowly but surely rob him of sight can’t have been anything other than profoundly shocking. He did however have years/ decades to adjust to the gradual loss, and actually didn’t tell anyone but his wife and son, who both kept it a secret. He held down a very senior role in a firm that’s a household name around the world, until he realised that he just couldn’t carry it off anymore. Pretending to be able to see normally is an impossible thing to do once you have deteriorated to a certain point.

He told me last night that I’d done him a real favour by explaining something to him last time. His wife had long accused him of having an annoying tendency to talk over people, not knowing when to stop. Looking at it from a vision perspective ( and that was my profession for a LONG time ) I put it to him that yes, he might well do that, but unintentionally. When you are in a group of people and you are having a conversation, well mannered people at least notice when other people are starting to speak, or are about to speak, because they give off visual signals that they are, usually with facial expressions or body language. Well if you can’t see people’s faces, or expressions, or body language, then you just speak when there’s a break in the audible conversation , and you miss all visual cues. P said that he’d slightly gleefully explained to his wife that I’d proven that he actually wasn’t just rude, it was merely in all likelihood just an effect of his vision loss.
When we talk to other people, most of us look at the others for visual affirmation that we are being heard, and that what we are saying is of interest to them. Affirmation can be from smiles, nods, and expressions by other people. When you can’t see any of those then how are you supposed to know someone’s reaction. Nodding and smiling, I pointed out to our mutual friend Chris, wasn’t going to be of any use to P, but audibly saying ‘ yes/ really/ no way/ wow etc ‘ would be very valuable. ‘ feedback’ for P when he was speaking. Obvs this makes perfect sense, but it hadn’t occurred to P either. When you lose your vision very gradually over many years, you don’t notice the gestures disappearing over time.

So there you go then. If you find yourself in a conversation with someone blind or partially sighted, you have to substitute your facial expressions with SOUND. In doing so you are helping the blind person a lot.

P and I talked about our respective losses a bit, and how you are ‘ dismissed’ by other people, in lots of ways. Sometimes it’s deliberate ( and that’s hurtful and very saddening ) but more often it’s not malicious. You get disempowered by people doing things for you that you CAN actually do yourself. I know it’s a minefield, the whole ‘ well should I help that poor bugger or not ‘ thing, but I’d say it’s best just to offer. Your offer may be declined but it may be VERY gratefully accepted. Please don’t not offer just in case the person says No thanks …

We had a real laugh, and Bolt the blind dog was again the most popular being in the bar. I can quite see that if you are a single fella, then having a cute dog or carrying a baby around is definitely a way to attract the chicks. Of the 2 options I think the dog is probably the least complicated.

I’ve got a sore throat. I never get sore throats. I have just been to 2 airports. You know what I’m saying, I’m sure. The thing is that the planet DOES need to shed several billion people in order to endure. It sounds a tad cold, but as a practical kinda fella, I’m ok with the concept of a species threatening plague breaking out. You have to look at the bigger picture and not be selfish, surely ….?

I met up with a fella I knew from Uni yesterday.
We played rugby together back then.

We met by pure chance in France on the same cycle trip as each other about 12 years ago, having not seen each other for 20 odd years, and we met a few times after that. The last time I saw him was just a few weeks after I was paralysed. He came to see me in hospital and I remember thinking how nervous he seemed. Yesterday I mentioned that, and he confessed to having been ‘ shitting himself’ seeing a mate who had so nearly died and was now 30 KGs lighter and forever disabled.
Not having ever read this diary he didn’t know much else about what happened next either. I skipped through the more significant bits, including my very very nearly successful suicide, and we talked a lot about depression. It’s very trendy now to have mental health issues, and at least publicly it has lost its stigma. In reality though it hasn’t. People are still really uncomfortable with it. Those that don’t can’t relate to those that do, but those that do can relate very well. Unless you have experience then it’s not something you can appreciate properly. I had no clue until my injury and the aftermath, I have to say.
I didn’t know a lot about my buddy’s ‘ history’. He told me about his violent father, who beat him, his sister and his mum. He told me how he eventually got to an age and weight when he could fight back, and did when he heard his father took it a step too far by raping his own daughter.
After giving his dad a taste of his own violence, he left home and never saw him again ( hearing more recently of his death ).
Perhaps his childhood traumas were responsible for his depression in adulthood, despite an extremely financially successful career and 2 kids he doted on. When he told his wife he just had to leave her, it went badly, and cost him everything he’d ‘ built ‘. One child sees him a lot, his other refuses to. They are both now adults. For many years he pondered suicide, but meeting a brilliant lady seemed to be his salvation. He quit his lucrative career and now does something he enjoys, for far less Money.
We talked a lot about depression. Let’s face it, I’ve had my moments, and he was visibly shocked when I described what I’d done to myself in 2017, particularly when I described the scene I found in my bedroom upon my return from hospital. Tbh it was hard to believe that someone who had left that much of his blood in that room could still be alive. It seems like a long time ago now, though isn’t really. I said that by and large I don’t feel down anymore, though sometimes I have fairly acute but short lived feelings of not wanting to be here.

Listening to all the Caroline Flack stuff reacquaints me with the mindset that only seriously suicidal people can know, and I imagine that most of those people don’t actually survive to talk about them. These days they call the people that seem to push you to do it the Haters. Some of those Haters do it ‘ actively’ and others push you passively by not making any attempt at all to help save you. Inaction can be as damaging as more obvious unpleasantness.

So if you know someone that you think is very down, if you do care at all then do something to help them. Please don’t do nothing, is my advice to you. Tributes after they are gone are inexcusably insufficient.