Russ, I remember this day as if it was yesterday, not 5 years ago.
The call from Danielle, my call to Mum and Dad, desperately trying to find the first flight to Nice, calling Stu to time our arrival.
When I got to the hospital, within 24 hours of your accident, it was literally like being in a nightmare dream. A couple of your cycling friends were there, with Danielle, everyone crying.
You were unconscious and in terrible condition. The doctor gave you a 50% chance of survival, with most likely brain damage as well as paralysis.
The emotional shock was stunning.
Your recovery was nothing short of a miracle. Despite the paralysis and the horrible consequences, somehow you regained your mental capacity and ability to carry on.
While you may forever swing between happiness and sadness, and while you may never be able accept the awful hand you’ve been dealt, you should know that your brothers, your parents and your extended family love you very much and are grateful you are still with us.
Stay strong bro, you deserve and will have a brighter future, I am sure of it.
Love Alwyn

The enormity of this day has just hit me very hard. I feel sick, sad beyond belief, and alone.

I didn’t see these emotions coming at all, but they are here.

Christ, to be able to turn back the clock.

I’ll hear from a few peeps today, for sure. It won’t be many, I know. People suffer from the ‘ well I didn’t really know what to say, and he probably wants space ‘ syndrome – which of course is exactly the opposite of the truth. I won’t actually hear from a couple of people who without my input wouldn’t actually exist, if you get my drift.

In the same way that you’d visit your father’s/ mother’s grave on the anniversary of his/ her death, then today ought be the day to send something to someone like me. You see, your deceased parents can’t actually hear you, or respond, because they are dead,  but someone like me, can, because I’m alive.

Thats not that complicated, is it?

This definitely isn’t a plea for messages btw, it’s just an explanation of how it is.

Having worked out that red wine 🍷 is ok for me, I shall be having a few later for sure.

And smiling.

Later today, 5 years ago, i died in a hospital in France. They brought me back to life however and some years later I sort of refound myself, as a different guy, with a different life and a lot of different friends too, a smaller family for sure, but with the Best of both still there for me, as I am and always will be for them.

Happy Birthday me.

I’ve realised what is stressful in my life. Things that I can do myself rarely stress me at all. It’s the things that I have to ask other people to do for me, whereupon they then waver or change the arrangement ( or sometimes decline to do things that are straightforward for them to do, but actually literally impossible for me to do ) that I don’t cope with.

It gets lost in translation that I CAN’T actually do it myself, so don’t have any other option than to ask for assistance. I think it can be misinterpreted as me being demanding/ needy / painful/ bothersome/ annoying/ unreasonable, because others can’t put themselves in my situation.

You don’t know how it feels for me to even have to ask/ plead/beg/Pay for others to do things that are simple beyond belief for them, but impossible for me. Yes, it is frustrating ( to be unable ).

You simply won’t ever get it unless you have the severe misfortune to end up physically like myself.

Its also why I have to have someone ( paid ) with me, so that doing things for me isn’t an imposition ( taking the ‘awkwardness ‘ out of requests ) That awkwardness removal takes a significant amount of  ( mental ) stress out of my life. It is the Carer s rôle to make the impossible possible, without having to negotiate with  the other person. Typically the negotiation can take hours, if not days, and all that time I feel the stress of uncertainty, which I just don’t like at all.

Of course what I could do is to just do nothing, to never do anything, to never try to have an eventful and varied life?  For me  that just isn’t enough though.

What I need is that robot exoskeleton that automatically puts itself onto me and turns me back to being self sufficient.

Anyone know where I can be cryogenically suspended until they bring it out?

Hi Russ. How are you? I have spent a lot of the evening catching up with your blog. Can’t believe that it’s 5 years since your accident, and since we saw you in France! ( just post coma )

I thought your royal wedding coverage was hilarious. You haven’t lost your crazy sense of humour…..
So sorry about the fact you don’t see your kids… I’m sad for you. I also think that your blog is really honest, sad and funny all at the same time.

Hopefully see you sometime soon…. xxx lots of love. 😘

I seem to have these absolutely momentous days ( not as in amazingly good ) where so many things happen that affect me massively on the same day.

I swear nothing like this ever used to happen to me pre injury.

I’d describe the last 24 hours as 24 where I’ve dodged 2 pretty lethal bullets. Both were significant changes of bad luck/ good luck ( depending on my shifting perspective ).

I now have until the 21st to leave here, and at least have my current suitable accommodation to reside in until then.

After that I hope that my next residence works out without massive hitch and I’m NOT in the position I was facing yesterday, which was shit, frankly.

X

You and us
It does not seem possible , it’s five years ago . We were in Canada when your brother Alwyn rang us. I am in tears as I write this message. The shock was indescribable , there are no words to explain how a mother feels when her child has been so terribly injured.
Although life goes on , it’s totally changed for ever.

There came a point in my life where I had to stop crying, stop pacing the boards at night, stop feeling nauseous , stop the total despair from overtaking me and I have.

Hope your move back to the UK is as smooth as possible .

Loads of love from your mum xxxxx

The other thing about’ Eviction Day’  Thursday the 14th of June is that 5 years ago on that date I got on a bicycle and went pretty fast down a hill in France. Approaching a bend, a motorbike came around that bend crazily fast towards me, causing me to swerve and brake. Within a millisecond my life was nearly over, and from that same time nothing would ever be the same again. Everything would be harder, and many many things impossible to do. Over these years I have tried to ‘ celebrate ‘ that date somehow, rather than think about what happened.

This time I’ll be indoors, in limbo, surrounded by boxes of my stuff, with the doors locked.

Crazy date, June 14th.