Today Boris Karloff and I go to collect some stuff from a storage unit to move into my new home. I have a good flat next to water, which is very quiet with swans and tweety birds everywhere.

As Boris has little sense of order or logic, despite talking like Mr Spock, it’s going to be another trying time,I’m sure of it.

I’ll wheelchair there and he’ll hopefully follow me in the car. He refuses to use any kind of modern satnaverytypadevice so no doubt AT ALL that I will lose him en route and then not be able to contact him as he doesn’t answer his primate Phone anyway.

Blimey oh Riley.

Saturday night I went to Swansea to see a band.

2 hours sleep,each night  for the 4 nights before ( i just couldn’t sleep ) meant I was just tired, but I always think that I shouldn’t just give up and not go, as that would be all too easy.

Thr Killers were 9/10 – fair play to them. Real crowd pleasing band. Nobody in Swansea seemed sober, which is how the Welsh are in Stadiums !

My new Carer is definitely really’ unusual ‘. He is Hungarian, and there’s something of the Vampire about him.  You can definitely imagine him sleeping in a coffin at night. Occasionally he says something ‘ oblique’ Before going to Swansea he da ‘ Do you think we’ll see Wales in Wales?’

I said that my date and I didn’t really have time to look around, but that he’d have a few hours  to look around, yes.

Without changing expressions, he said (and read this in a foreign, stilted voice ) ‘ I was making a joke ‘ .

I said ‘ oh as in the creatures that live in the sea, the mammals called whales…?’

He said in a foreign and solemn accent, and not smiling at all  ‘ Yes’.

I said ‘ right, got you…’

Still no smile though.

Tbh, it’s not really working out this time that a man is preferable to a woman  He’s like Igor, Frankenstein’s helper, only more solemn . Like one of those kids at school who was so serious that you just assumed that they must be ever so clever, but actually they weren’t at all!

Hi to Claire x

X

Soooo at the hospital I had about 20 X-rays, 2 ultrasounds, lots of opinions but one conclusion- that nothing had changed…

Doesnt make a lot of sense because I have a big lump where before there wasn’t one.. what do I know though, right…?!

After that I did indeed go to East London to see the Foo Fighters… with Amanda.

I’d heard from lots of people that they are amazing live, winning awards apparently ( for ‘ liveness’ ? As opposed to pretending perhaps?? )

Well i have to say that they were a bit of a disappointment tbh. I do see lots of bands, to be fair, so I deserve an opinion maybe. Dammit I paid, so I have earned one.. the Lead singer is definitely a lot up his own A hole, talks a LOT but doesn’t say ANYTHING clever or slightly amusing in any way.  He does call the audience ‘ you motherfuckers ‘ a lot, which had comedy value the first time out of the 50 times he must have said it… tho of course some would say it’s an unpleasant typa word to call so many paying people?

Anyway, I’m not so sure there has ever been a fella with really long hair and a beard that I really trust or like..

Well not since Jesus, anyway. But since he may be  fictional, I’ll say not since Grizzly Adams instead.

RD Gig Rating 4/10 then.

Taylor Swift was on at Wembley last night – the little minx !  I should have gone to see her!

As it never rains, but it  absolutely fucking pisses it down ( in my life ) the latest Great News as I am about to return to the UK, is that something has moved / broken / come apart in my back ( as in my metalwork ).
It actually happened about 36 hours ago, and I suddenly felt even more( not )straight than I just had felt.
My Carer had a look and declared that I had a large hard lump / ridge in my back, 2 inches to the right of my lower spine, which had not been there before.
I emailed and left a voicemail for my surgeon straight away, but as it was 10pm I obviously had no direct contact.
After a fairly short sleep that night, in the morning the lump had gone down.
After a few hours in the chair it reappeared, then again went after a night lying down.
As I write it’s back again .. so almost immediately I get back I am going into hospital again, for X-rays. I imagine that something has come apart, so can therefore move around… and I’ll need yet another operation to fix it?

Ahhh the joys of my stuff – never a dull moment.

If they don’t keep me in, in hospital, I’m going to see the Foo Fighters that same night, in the Queen Elizabeth stadium, in East London.

This shit isn’t going to stop me, let’s face it!
X

Sorry mate – I did have a quick skim read through it last night and I’ll read more in detail when I get more time later.

Sorry to hear about your problems getting to see your kids. That must be fucking difficult – I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t see my daughter (she’s 9 next week). She’s pretty much the only thing that keeps me going if I’m honest.

I have her two nights a week (Tuesday and Saturday) and spend most of the day Sunday with her. To be honest I spend half my life feeling suicidal but the thought of her, keeps me from doing anything silly like that….

Was thinking of you today. Time flies and at the same time stays still. I don’t understand why shit happens. My daughter  nearly died last week when a woman ran a red light and t-boned ***** and her trailer full of her beloved horses. Everyone walked away but barely. I have seen so much trauma and yet have skirted it for some reason.

Yet you will not walk again. You are meant to be here. You have a purpose. Only the strongest would be given the hardest. I cannot believe all of your suffering is for nothing.

All I can do is let you know I’m thinking of you and hoping for better days that must be ahead.

This was posted by another paralysed person -a girl in her 20’s.

I obviously won’t say her name.

It demonstrates that it’s definitely not ‘ just me’ that suffers mentally, because of a physical problem.

She wrote –

I HATE feeling so bloody vulnerable, I HATE that my body doesn’t seem happy unless it’s malfunctioning, I’m TERRIFIED I have to rely on others, I’m TERRIFIED of hospitals, I’m TERRIFIED I’m going to die and everything is totally out of my control.

Antibiotics kicked in. Phew! Avoided the mental torture that i get if a UTI goes untreated for 48 hours.

You can buy them over the counter here, so I shall stock up.

X

I still message my son once a week and wish him a great weekend. I always ask him if he is up to anything and only recently after 4 years has he started to tell me what he’s up to. I know from experience with able bodied friends that have been in this situation that they all lose contact and the kids can’t be bothered. It’s more that the mother makes them feel like they are doing something wrong and being disloyal. That’s why you don’t hear from them. I now give him £20 a week into his bank so at 14 he’s probably the richest kid in the area. But I’m not there for him at the moment but I do think that at some point in the not too distant he will have a spat with his mother and call. Then I will be off to collect him. As time goes on children develop and realise that what they are told is not necessarily the truth. It brings my own hurt to light when I read this on your blog on Father’s Day. Have a drink like I will Russ and continue to be who you are. No one can understand the mental pain that a spinal injury can bring to someone that had it all and lost it in a second.