My name is Russ and 5 years ago I had a cycling accident resulting in paralysis from the chest down.
There is a fair bit that I cannot do for myself, and need assistance with
I need a live in assistant who can job share so that there is a break, as life with me is very busy.
I do far more than most people who are not paralysed, and want someone that is up for a laugh, fit enough to keep going ( as I do ) and wants to do different things every day of the week.
I’m definitely unique in my needs, and basically a capable person who is able to use their initiative and live life to the full.
You’ll get plenty of sleep, but I can absolutely guarantee that it will not be at the same time every night.
I need someone that is young enough to keep going, yet old enough to appreciate life and its complexities.
I don’t need a ‘ carer’ – I need a help, that wants to live an active and varied and fun life that they get paid to do. If I wasn’t actually the paralysed one, I’d love the job myself!

I live in West London in a very cool place, and you obviously get your own room and own bathroom.

Dream Job and Great Pay for having a laugh.

So the most important thing- ALWAYS carry your phone.

We go to the car and I say I’m going somewhere.

Wheres your Phone?

In my bedroom, why?

2 Hours later I call her – 6 times.

No answer.

She eventually calls me.

Why didn’t you answer the phone?

I was talking to my mother. She worries about me.

I think she’s lost sight of who is supposed to worry about who?

Ffs.

As sadly my default is to now assume that my Carers will outwardly resemble humans, but have the brain of an amoeba ( yes I know they don’t have brains, and that’s my point  ) I just find myself feeling non positive about them all, straight away.

My initial assessments have thus far been correct, to be fair. Only Stella, Victoria, Lee, Anca,  Hanna and Linda ( at first ) were positive experiences.

I find myself just waiting for the daft questions.

Although Mary (not her real name ) is evidently far brighter than most carers I’ve met, the puzzling  questions still come.

‘ When the car is Parked in neutral, do you want me to put the handbrake on ?’

No, honey, I’d rather the car roll away as I Wheelchair  backwards down the ramp.

And this WAS a serious question.

Cupofteagate has already struck

– Do you want both cups of tea with some cold water in to lower the temperature from boiling?

No, please put the mug into the oven so that the pottery is actually white hot, and then give it to me. …

How do I open the window in my room?

With thé handle – the only handle there is, on the opposite side of the window to the window hinges. Or just smash it?

Good grief.

Yes, I’m going to give it time. Perhaps she’s tired…. well I’m pretty blimmin tired too, of having seriously educationally sub normal Carers, that ask me the most bewildering questions.

Thank GOD my girlfriend is coming to my rescue tonight to show Mary what to do to get me into bed, and out in the morning as well. Bear in mind that Wendy hasn’t ‘ been through a robust selection process ‘ to care for me – she just has a brain and it’s bleedin’ obvious.

Jesus I feel like crying.

The ‘ hand picked for me ‘ help that arrived from Poland today knows absolutely nothing about me. She doesn’t know my name or any of my history. Whilst I’m sure a lovely lady, and I’m absolutely, absolutely sure she is, she can’t speak a lot of English, which for me, with the complexities of what I do, is going to be so very challenging.

How on Earth do I explain how to connect my Triride, and have a full power spare battery?

The agency is called PROMEDICA. All glossy brochure and promises. The ‘ manager ‘ is a lady that whilst nice, has definitely not lived life in the Fast Lane. There is little that she herself can possibly understand about my life that she can then translate to a non speaker  It’s like asking your Catholic  granny to give a talk on fetish clubs  to a bunch of S&M enthusiasts – it’s not really gonna go that well, and they aren’t gonna learn much.

Again the expectation is that the Caree is totally useless and the Carer dictates the pace.

Let’s see what happens next.

In the meantime I’ll try to find someone myself

I don’t need ‘ caring for ‘ I need someone who’s prepared to keep going and not give up when The going gets tough, has a brain, wants a laugh and will rotate with another person of the same mindset.

As Sky said in her comment, it’s not easy to find that at all, let alone get 2…

The thing is , that Hanna found it all so easy….

Apparently the reason I should NOT keep a diary of post paralysis life, according to Rick, is that I ‘ use it ‘over use it ‘  as a platform to criticise my ex wife and kids ‘.
This is from someone ( lovely, decent guy ) who doesn’t actually read the blog, at all. As in never.
Ever.
Not for more than 18 months anyway.

Would I be correct in saying that it’s important to actually look at all the evidence, of ALL the things I write about, and all consequences of my injury, before finding someone guilty ?
Perhaps I’m wrong ?

Guess what Tweedledum does for a living ? Perhaps pertinent given my last question ?

He’s a detective, in the Police Force.

Shouldn’t he be out catching proper criminals instead of shooting fish in a pond ( thats me, btw )

Whilst his intentions are undoubtedly good, his conclusions are not evidence based.

I think I should be renamed The Brentford One….

I take on board his point, but I don’t really think I mention those 3 people an awful lot? I’ve plenty to write about, and plenty to say that’s NOT about divorce, I think as anyone that reads this regularly will agree with.

Happy to discuss though.

X

From Pia.

I think this is ( possibly ) written with her tongue in her cheek, but I’m not absolutely certain…

Re Charlie’s comment….
‘is it you’re too demanding of your carers?’.
How could he possibly come up with a suggestion such as this?…

All you’re asking for – is someone who shows all the qualities a Carer should naturally have, including the need to be: compassionate, empathetic, use initiative, be helpful and supportive, and understanding of your needs including what you can and can’t do, be responsible etc…

…And then of course there are the – not so obvious ones including:

Accompany you cycling 🚴‍♀- almost daily, keeping up with Triride going 10 miles an hour (often straight through red lights), covering a fair amount of mileage without complaining, and keep to rules including – not to cycle too far ahead , or behind (or to a storage company which was not being factored into the plan).
Accompany you to gigs the carer has never heard of – when girlfriend or friends are not available.
Be awake when you return from a gig (ranging anywhere between the hours of 11pm to 2am). And be perky and welcoming and not look tired, let alone – mention being tired or how late it is.
Be perky the following day, when you request tea, blinds up, doors open, more tea, fruit salad, more tea etc…
Provide meals (to someone who insists they don’t eat a lot) – and then not question a diet which is far from ordinary, and something you’d usually associate vegans or animals eating … and again not question extraordinary food combinations that are suggested would go well together.
Take breaks throughout the day, and never mention being tired if Carer hasn’t managed to sleep after gig nights, due to interrupted sleep.
Understand Welsh humour and not take offence, when the humour is clearly offensive.
Be able to keep up with conversation on pretty much every subject, show interest and have input into conversations, and make conversation without being prompted.
Understand the need for hooks, nails etc to be put into walls on a daily basis, and stand and assist – handing tools over whenever needed (and not anticipate which tool will be used from the ever expanding various tool boxes/draws/wall magnets).
Clean flat to an OCD level (which is justified as be ‘basic cleaning’).
Watch movies, which are predominantly terrible ones, but agree that they are brilliant.
Be up for listening to music at a high volume, but understand the necessity to ask other neighbours to turn theirs down at times….

Seriously?! You’d think Charlie would get that being a Carer in the Russell Dawkins household is blimin easy?! 🤷🏼‍♀

😂xxx