Mate , I’m in M&S in Bath
They have disabled toilets
You have to go down 10 stairs !
What the fuck ?

Last night I went to a gig with a man, for the first time. I think I’ve always thought it was a bit gay to do that…  but now I’ve embraced my non sexist attitude I have also realised how incredible straightforward male company is in these situations.  A few drinks first, a laugh in the sun, and then RUN DMC in Hammersmith.

Packed! Brilliant show, real crowd whipper up’ers and loads of great tunes.

Since when was Rap music so white middle class?  Not a single black face in the crowd ? What’s that all about then?

Thanks to Chris for coming. We are definitely going to do it again, soon.

Sorry Russ, phone problems, all sorted now. So yes slow reply. Hope you are good (as well as can be expected). No it is not a live in job. It’s 5 days a week, 7 hours a day, 10 am til 5 pm. It is fantastic, local, I go on the bike ( of which I thank you for). It’s about 2 miles away, quicker on the bike than a car!! Just been reading the blog. Fuck me! I know I am a bit of a dope ( or alot ha) but how does Boris forget to charge the triride twice. Ok once maybe? But twice, I don’t think so. He is taking the piss. Normally carers stick together, but no chance could anyone forget to charge the triride twice. Get shot of him Russ, he does not have your interest anywhere near his heart or mind. Sad for you about your daughter’s too, but please don’t give up on them mate. Trust me mate just keep plugging away. In the end it will work out because you are a good guy. Love you lots bro and would love to give you a big hug right now. Stay strong, as you always do x

Having been ‘ engaged in litigation ‘ for some years now, with one thing and another, I decided yesterday to disengage.

I gave up on the fight for what my ex wife owes me, on the basis that she is absolutely not going to pay me anything anyway ( yes, she’s a lawyer herself and she knows the way the system works ) , and I gave up ‘ fighting for ‘ access to my children, on the basis that if they don’t want to see me they won’t anyway. They know my email address so that ought be enough. They have somewhere ‘ nice’ to live, have their high maintenance mum to look up to, and have Pringle as a new Dad, so it’s not so bad for them overall – plenty of kids are far, far worse off. I have pictures of them on my walls so I remember what they look like…

I now only have my medical negligence legal battle ahead, and that’s going to last for years, so not that exciting or pressing.

Yesterday I unpacked all sorts of stuff, including lots of wedding photos. What do you do with that stuff when you’ve got divorced? I’ve offered it to the Ex but had no reply, so I’ll give it a few days then throw it all out if I don’t hear anything more. I don’t have room for junk in my place.

I feel a great sense of peace where there wasn’t peace before, so that’s good.

Progress, for sure.

X

Boris ‘ forgot ‘ to charge my Triride battery, for me to use yesterday. That meant that all day long i was having to stop and ask people if théy could help me to charge my chair. It was a bit touch and go a few times, but I managed to quell the avoidable distress quite well.

Boris knew how having no charge would impact me.

Today, after meeting with the agency worker in the morning, to discuss Boris ‘s faults, i asked him to help my attach the Triride so I could go out.

I honestly could not believe it when I turned it on to find that, guess what… again, after all the hassle of yesterday, he had forgotten AGAIN to plug it in to the wall.

Im not lying when I say that sometimes I am totally bewildered by the completely indifferent attitude of my (paid) help.

I am now plugged into a wall in a shop, having not enough charge to get home.

He doesn’t even apologise… he just shrugs.

Yes, I am doing all I can to get someone else. And to keep smiling.

Thanks to Brian and his mum for all their help with that yesterday, and for the benefit of their wisdom.

I also went to my eldest daughter’s Sports Day today, having Triride’d across London.

Oddly though there seems to be no  Sports Day for thé over 16’s in her school.

Who knows what the logic for that is?

So, 2 failed attempts to see my children, in 2 days.

I messaged someone that reads this diary directly, yesterday. He’s a man that skied with me when we were both boys.

I have to say that I’ve never heard from anyone that has expressed himself quite so openly and earnestly to me before, and that I love his honesty  as much as he appears to respect my own.

For the record **** I think you are a brilliant guy.

On thé flip side of humanity, my online dating affair goes on … I had ‘ connected’ with a lady that seemed to click with me pretty well, so I broke the news about the wheelchair stuff to her.

I don’t advertise the chair on my profile, as I don’t get any messages if I do ( except from the desperate, frankly ).

Having mentioned the chair, thé free flowing rapport halted and the rot set in.. the thing is that whilst texting the ( clever) iPhone software had somehow detected her real name, giving me the option of googling her. It transpired that she is the CEO of a charity that provides carers to the disabled and elderly.

Perhaps im wrong for making any assumptions, but it did occur to me that of all people she might have some insight into my situation… to be clear I’m not advertising for a carer, im advertising for a girlfriend, just like all the other blokes are.

As my BFF Pia said – some people are just in the wrong jobs – I seriously could not have been more disturbed by her reaction to the news of my injury. Anybody would have thought that it was she who had been rendered suddenly paralysed, rather than some fella on the end of a few text messages. I mean, if a girl doesn’t want to date a bloke who’s had an accident, just come out and say it… rather than go on about how ‘ misled’ she’s been, and what a tough year she’s had etc etc etc. It’s no skin off my nose that she disappears off my phone, as ive not even met her, and by tomorrow I’ll have forgotten her altogether. At the moment however i feel a touch hurt, but that’ll be gone by tomorrow i know.

Today I went ( uninvited obviously ) to watch one of my daughters at her school Sports Day. Unfortunately she had apparently gone home sick, so I didn’t get to watch her do well ( or so the teachers said ).  I don’t suppose I’ll find out what she did well in, but never mind.

I went to see Eels in Brixton tonight with my buddy Leigh. Russ gig rating 4/10.  Would I see them again ? No. Why? Because of their catalogue of great songs théy only bothered to play one.

You have to please the crowd ! It’s not rocket science !

As well as my book, I think I should write another one about online dating, the experience of dating after 40…

I’ve thought of a title anyway  – Baggage Reclaim –  what do you think?

So… Boris is ‘ a Christian’

Yesterday I found myself at a ( wait for it ) Catholic Miracle Healing day…. in North London.

After a conversation about what I’d do to not be paralysed, and how far ‘ out of the box’ id go, I agreed to go with Boris to this packed event.

Having only seen miracles in films, I was a touch curious. Boris seemed fairly confident that I’d walk back from Euston, having ditched my chair.

Not wanting to piss on his bonfire, I went with an open mind, tbh.

Boris bounced into my room at 8am, washed, dressed and with tea and breakfast. He enthused about our day ahead, speaking in sentences without long gaps, and …. SMILING!

I thought that given the prospect of just going had induced this miraculous transformation in him,  then surely merely rendering me not paralysed ought be a piece of cake…

Myself and HappySmiley went by train and road to Euston, and joined the other happy clappers. The joy in the room was indeed lovely.

Various speakers talked in ( rambling deliveries ) about the Big Man  in the room with us – for hours, and hours.

Cut to 7pm ( we got there at 10.45am ) and it was time to be cured. I readied myself for my jog home,  though wondered if I had the right trainers on and cursed myself for not thinking about wearing proper running shorts.

A total of 153 people in the room indicated that they had experienced incredible changes in their physical conditions over the next 3 hours, though neither myself or the other 2 paraplegics at the front noticed any differences. Boris was at a loss to explain it, having spent the previous 9 hours either laughing slightly manically, dancing and clapping, or weeping like a child, having totally abandoned his completely miserable insensitive bastard persona in front of the other disciples.

Dont worry! Today he’s recovered and is back to his old self – completely unhelpful, slightly hostile, and apathetic about anything that I need.

I was moved to ask him if he really considered himself a Christian, and whether Jesus would approve of his temperament and attitude.

Needless to say, communication and conversation reverted to solemnity and scowled responses.

I have to say, I’ve had enough of him, and am working on a replacement ASAP..

Live in Carer required.

Must be able to smile, drive a car, clean things, do  things without being asked to first ( have initiative ), have at least a small sense of humour, and ride a bicycle.

Please apply.

Russ