And we are on a cruise…!
We meaning Lizzy and I.

Lizzy organised pretty much everything, and everlasting thanks to her for that.. and so we boarded ( and no it’s not straightforward at all ) at Southampton on Saturday… and now we are somewhere off Spain ( in the Atlantic ). It’s hard to say where because Wi-fi doesn’t really work ( despite you paying ‘shiploads’ for it ) but we are currently in calm seas and it’s getting warmer. In fact it’s now sunny.
The ship is I think only at half capacity, because of COVID, but the extra measures in place are probably a bit over unnecessary, given that everyone was obliged to be tested in Southampton 10 minutes prior to boarding, as well as having to have both vaccine shots. If In the event that you did test positive then you wouldn’t have been allowed on board … and they’d have had to go and find your luggage.. because they wanted that from you PRIOR to you being tested, which was a little strange. I don’t think they turned many people back though , if any.

So we are on board and are wearing masks a fair bit.. but hey it’s ok. The original destination was ultimately Rome, but then today at 3pm, after 3 weeks of daily phone calls by Lizzy to P&O to arrange ‘ accessible’ tours of the Italian destinations, we were told that Italy was now no longer accepting British tourists from ships. So.. suddenly we actually aren’t going anywhere near Italy after all, and there have been 2 different Spanish ports added instead. The Spanish are more than happy to have the double vaccinated and tested Brits all getting off cruise ships and wandering around freely around their coastal cities ( and spending their cash obviously ). You wonder about the impact on the original Italian port ‘ merchants’ who would have been relying on the business of restocking, refuelling, dewatering, rewatering and generally catering for thousands of people getting off boats from Britain.. disastrous I’d have thought. But in every situation where there’s a loser, there’s someone/ somewhere else that’s a winner, and in this case it’s the El Spanish.

Having written that bit and then stopped, and got off at Cadiz, which is all the way at the bottom of Spain, it’s now the next day and we are by the pool at the top of the boat. It’s very hot, but of course there’s a breeze because the ship is flying along at 19 knots. The Mediterranean is very blue, after the rough and grey Atlantic.
Apparently at home it’s cold and wet, so obviously that’s a bonus.
We’ve discovered that we paid more than twice as much as everyone else did.

Cadiz was interesting, and has been there a long time of course. They discovered a complete Roman amphitheatre recently, which was a find, but it goes back a long way before that. Most of it seemed to have been burned down by the English 500 years ago, which isn’t great to be told by the ( obvs overpriced ) Spanish tour guide. I sort of got the impression that they still held it against the English… and who can blame them? I don’t think that me saying that I was Welsh would have altered his opinion of me coming off an English ship.

I think it’s fair to say that the assembled guests are collectively the most unfit looking crowd I’ve ever seen ; friendly for sure, but very much not into any kind of physical exercise. That’s ‘ more excusable/ understandable’ in your 70/80’s but I’m not sure what the 20 something year old’s have in store for them in terms of a healthy longevity. It’s their choice though, of course.
The onboard food isn’t conducive to slimmers… the healthy options do exist but are in the minority, so most people seem to be eating fried chicken and burgers and chips, so I can see why most people gain weight on cruises. The thing is I can’t see many people here having the drive to lose the stone they put on in this fortnight… so it’s not really a clever holiday for them to go on, really.

Lizzy was just asked by a lady in the pool if it was true her husband ( that’s me ) had been shot, cos that’s what she heard anyway…
I do regularly get asked if I’m in the army, to this day, so I suppose people are happy to jump to that conclusion.

Lizzy wants to go with the line though that we aren’t married and she’s a paid for escort girl…. So that’s the line we are going with. She used to be a stripper ( apparently ) but she’s decided she’s too old to do that now, and instead is a high class escort.
So not only am I paying double for the cruise but I’m adding another £1000 a day for Lizzy to hang out with me, and ‘ provide extras ‘.
Obviously it’s a totally feasible story – because she does look ( and is ) ever so classy, and has the body for the job description.

Oh what japes we have in store…

Big thank you to Gina for assisting me to Southampton!

As I came back from Kentish Town the other night on my Triride .. this kid I passed. who must have been all of eleven years old… sort of cocked his head to one side and said

‘ Nice Ride ‘

I can see him in 15 years time running some crime cartel in North London… but being nice to people in wheelchairs.

Went to Kentish Town Forum last night.
I’ve seen The Pigeons Detectives a few times and I promise you that they are amazing live! Most bands don’t get the crowd going for at least a few songs, and many not until they play their hits, which for some strange reason they leave until the end…

Well I’ve always reasoned that you should get the crowd on your side straight away, and then hopefully keep em there… and that’s what this front man does. He’s standing on the speakers and doing daft poses right from the start. He swings his mic like you would a tennis ball on a long string, and then let’s go and catches it ( and he never drops it ) and the crowd love him. Most of the crowd were in their 20’s … and he’s gotta be 40 odd… but he’s definitely still got it.
You can’t beat a northern band visiting London – it’s like a challenge to them to get a sedate London crowd going.. but the PD’s do it so well.
If you see one band live in your whole life, make it this one – that’s what I say!

(Journey back was torture again.. but hey let’s not focus on that… I’m going to go back to just wheelchair’ing home again!! )

And thanks to Sarah for coming – she didn’t know who they were until last night, and she was blown away. 👏

Top night with the Unfortunates club last night.
Chris Cats can actually cook food, and even bake cakes (?!) .. me n the Blind Man just had to get there and bring wine ( which I forgot… so had to stop en route ).
Anyway – both top guys. Deaf Mike yet again didn’t come … we may have to advertise for more half people to swell the numbers.
Chris knows another blind person… and has proposed her … but Paul made it known that he wanted to be the Only Blind in The Village… so she can’t be invited.
Fair enough.
There’s room for maybe an amputee or someone terminally ill – that’ll be nice because then we can regularly refresh the membership. ..

Obviously it went on later than I thought it would, so sleep was again sacrificed. 🤦‍♂️
But they really are the nicest 2 people you’d want to spend the evening with. Paul’s vision ( I can tell from his ‘ ability to do things’ ) is failing fast. Two years ago when I met him, he was far more visually able. It probably won’t be that long before he has virtually no ‘ usable vision’. He is remarkably positive in the circumstances. His vision has been deteriorating since his 20’s, and he’s realised in fact that it probably started to fail in his mid teens. He had therefore ‘ had time to get used to it ‘ but nevertheless… it’s still for shit. Why does this happen to the Good Guys ?

To be fair, Deaf Mike has recently run the Pennine Way to raise money for his friend who has Motor Neurone Disease.
He actually raised over £22,000 for his buddy to have some house adaptations. Mike is a TOP man… not without his own challenges, but always there to help his friends. I’m proud to know him.

If anyone wants to contribute, here’s how.

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/michael-smith-205

I went to see a play a few nights ago with Lily. It was The Windsors – the final cut.
It stars Harry Enfield, who plays Prince Charles, and because the Queen has abdicated, he’s now King Charles.
Let’s face it, there’s plenty of material to take the piss out of in the Royal Family, and gone are the days of revering them ( other than the Queen, who hasn’t put a foot wrong really )
The rest have become fair game, over the years, but the script isn’t exactly ‘ unkind ‘. Prince Andrew gets a lot of stick for being fond of ‘ young girls’ -( completely fair ), and Harry and Meghan are depicted just as they deserve to be ( and it’s non stop for 2 hours – they spend a lot of time sitting cross legged, wearing kaftans and saying ‘ namas de ‘ )
Harry gets found out for having sex with Kate, and it all gets hilariously messy.
If I haven’t given too much away then think about going to watch it… unless you are overbearingly a Royalist, in which case don’t.
Also the Prince of Wales theatre is REALLY wheelchair accessible, and I’ve not said that about anything else in the West End.

Last week I went with Lizzy to see Leopoldstat – that’s not exactly slapstick – it’s about the ‘ fall ‘ of the Jews in Vienna ( in Austria ). The featured family go from being wealthy and healthy, to all being dead ( mostly via the concentration camps). It’s sobering and very sad, and it’s right that we are reminded of what happens when sections of society are persecuted.
The Wyndham theatre ( despite the best efforts of the staff, and with a clever little from the pavement lift ) ISN’T a great wheelchair theatre experience, though far better than The Vaudeville where we saw Constellations. The staff there were great ( and to be clear they are everywhere really ) but getting in and out of an old building which has a lot of steps and slopes, but doesn’t have a lift … is pretty rubbish. If it wasn’t for Health and Safety 🤦‍♂️ four moderately strong people could hoik me up and down the short stairs with minimal fuss and palava… but of course that’s no longer allowed, so I have to be humiliatingly strapped into this stair climbing device instead, which takes forever, and then feel like I’d rather not have gone at all. I promise you that you’d feel the same ( in my situation ).
I also went to see Brentford lose to Brighton. … and I think losing might happen quite a lot this year… but let’s see. The Big Boy teams are probably going to be far too star studded, and good, for the Brentford Bees. …

Tonight it’s an Unfortunates night, hosted by Chris. We got renamed The Misfits, which is pretty much the same really ( meaning- wise ) and tomorrow I go to a gig with Sarah the music teacher, and she’s always good value ( and she critiques the musical skills of the band members – which I can’t because I have no musical talent at all ). Sarah used to front a band, so she kinda knows lots about it. …

I’m busy then!

No recent posts isn’t because I haven’t been doing anything.
Lizzy and I went to see what was possibly the most bizarre play ever, last week. It was called Paradise and it was at the National theatre. I don’t think they have any minimum standard for their productions, which is a shame for the paying public, who quite rightly should be able to get a decent experience in exchange for the the financial outlay on the tickets.
Paradise was about a marooned (male ) soldier that had been left on an island for 10 years ( with a gammy leg ). Ten years on, 2 ( male ) soldiers came to rescue him.
All sounds ok so far, doesn’t it? Except the oddness started when the male soldiers were all played by women pretending ( badly ) to be men. They did the ‘ Geezer ‘ voices, called each other ‘mate’ and Sir etc, but were unmistakably women. Don’t they have any male actors available…?! Why couldn’t they just all be female soldiers ( that’s possible now, definitely ) There were fight scenes, a script that was ‘ very male ‘ and even a bit where one had a pee on another ( standing over ‘ him’ and unzipping ‘ his’ flies to do it ) They weren’t trans actors or anything, they were just chicks playing (rough) male soldiers. As you can sense, it just didn’t work at all, as in not in the slightest… like in a zero sense.
We stayed for an hour, but it was bewilderingly crap, so we left. That’s an hour of my life that was truly truly wasted.

Since then we’ve seen Constellations, which was really good! A ‘ sliding doors’ type scenario, the two actors ( a real biological man and a real biological lady ) got together/ didn’t get together, moved in together/ didn’t , were faithful to each other/ weren’t, split up and got together/ didn’t etc etc.
At the end the lady got a terminal illness ( or got a curable condition ) with all the heartache that involves.
Recommend it!

Good to see various people too. Gorana, Chris, KM, Lily and her fella.

Oh and we went to Pub In the Park too. Food/ food/ food with a few bands thrown in. I met another lady in a chair whilst there. She was thrown off her horse 27 years ago… she told me I ‘ was doing amazingly well, to be out and about so soon ‘. She had struggled badly for the first 18 years… wow that’s a lifetime right there. Do I think I’m doing well? Er no, not really, but I’m not staying indoors and hiding either, because that would be far worse than trying, at least, to live a little. You may as well TRY to enjoy yourself… is how I see it. Ok so often it’s not really worth the effort, but I’ve tried 🤦‍♂️

And happy birthday to my little brother today!!

And gigs have resumed!

I went with my lovely friend Sarah to a gig last night. Who’d have thunk?
It was in Kentish Town, and was a double header or Sleeper and The Bluetones. Both were great. To be honest, even if they hadn’t been, I’d have thought they were, just down to the sheer novelty factor!

Getting there wasn’t so bad. I got to Kew Gardens and expected to catch a train.
The train was cancelled…. 🤦‍♂️
I got the District Line and then gambled on changing at Earls Court onto the Piccadilly Line, because they now have lifts at Earls Court. That was pretty complicated though because the lifts aren’t clearly labelled… so it took a while.
I usually avoid the Piccadilly because those trains are smaller with an 18 inch difference between the trains and the platforms, either up or down.
This time I followed the Tube map and trusted it. Usually it’s with a pinch of salt, because it’s so often inaccurate.
Anyway I got to North London eventually without too much stress, and then wheeled the last 1.5 miles to the venue.
The gig went on til 11. Thé tubes stop at about 12.30. That gave me enough time to catch trains all the way home, in theory, rather than just Triride the 11 miles back in the dark. I have normally wheeled back…. but I’d kinda forgotten why, since there is available public transport.
I got to Cal Road and looked at the Tube Map. I can go all the way home on one train. I have a choice of Hounslow East and also West. They are both accessible stations. East is ‘ step free from platform to street ‘ and West is ‘ step free from TRAIN to street. A translation of that is that East is flat, but you can’t get out of the train unless someone helps you. … but who that someone is is a total gamble. Usually I have to ask other passengers, because the TfL staff don’t turn up.
So I get to Hounslow East. The train stops and it’s probably about a foot down to the platform. I consider asking people to help, but I don’t, I think I’ll just go on 2 stops ( further away from my home ). It’s now midnight. If i can’t get out at Hounslow West then my next option to get out is Heathrow Airport, and I really don’t want to end up there.
So I wheel off at Hounslow West and follow the lift sign. I get to the end of the platform. Well if there was a lift at some point in the past… there sure as hell isn’t now. Why are the signs there? Why do the Tube maps say it’s accessible? Why aren’t there automated announcements on the train? There are all sorts of other automated announcements about every other bloody thing…

Christ, it’s late now and I’m feeling nervous about being stuck. I see there’s another train so I cross the platform and go back in the other direction on the next train. It stops at Hounslow East. Going east there actually isn’t a drop down or step up from the train to the platform. Great, it’s going to be ok ! I get off and wheel along the platform to the proper lift.
I look above the lift.
‘ LIFT OUT OF SERVICE’

No announcements/ no automated messages, nothing. It’s 12.40 and there are no more trains. I’m in a deserted station, and there are 40 odd steps down to street level. I’ve run out of options. At every turn there is an obstacle, yet none of it is publicised. There are not 4 fellas to carry me down the stairs.
I’m about to call 999 when a TFL staff guy wanders up. I said I’m stuck. He actually said ‘ well why did you get off here?’

Errrr because I should, because this station is level access, and there is no indication AT ALL that there will be an issue.

He mumbles something and wanders off. Well where does that bloody leave me? He then says ‘ do you think you could walk down the stairs?’

Jesus… if I could do that… why would I be in this wheelchair?

About 15 minutes later someone else arrives. It’s an engineer. He says he can switch the lift mechanism on… If it works… why is it switched off without it being publicised that the station is now NOT accessible? There would seem to be the notion that everyone in wheelchairs can actually manage the stairs if asked nicely. Well no, they can’t.

I get home at 1.20 because it’s about another 2 miles by Triride.
It’s taken me 2 and a half hours to get back. That’s 10 miles in 2 and a half hours. You could walk 10 miles in that time ( if you could walk ).

I remembered why I didn’t catch trains late at night. They are a disaster. When stuff goes wrong I’m at the mercy of TfL. Yes, I could book wheelchair taxis, but so often they let me down in the past that I stopped using them.

That’s why I use my Triride. It’s dangerous at night, for sure, but notwithstanding the risk of death on the roads, it’s on balance a far more guaranteed means of transportation.

But yeah, most people in my situation would just stay in.