I’m outside the storage unit, where my furniture is, waiting for Boris to arrive in my car. He’s coming here to meet me and then collect a list of stuff. Thankfully I have the list!

As he has no smartphone or a map, I’m not altogether confident that I’ll see him. When you read his words, you have to insert large pauses between each one of the words, ok?

Me-  how will you find the storage place?

B – I    will     look     on    your    map.. If necessary, I will make a sketch …

I showed him and he looked. I looked for giveaway signs that he was impressed by the technology, but no, nothing – that would have been against his spartan technophobe code.

He made a drawing.

We’ll see then….

Hes actually appeared to cheer up a bit? Perhaps there’s a bloodless corpse somewhere near that he has feasted on? Or maybe he’s chatted to the folks back home in Transylvania? Little Drac and Morticia, his youngest, may have softened him up?

There have been no females in the flat for 48 hours, so perhaps that’s it?

As he let me out today, half an hour ago, and I’m not making this up, he sniffed the air, then summoned me to him. Look, he said, pointing at the floor. What, I said,this being the first time that he had noticed anything at all on any floor. Blood! He said. Drips of blood!

I looked and indeed there was a trail, the splodges perhaps 2 feet apart. I ventured ‘ perhaps you should investigate?’ He said no. Perhaps you should call the police? He said no need.

Some old person could be bleeding to death nearby? I said.

Then he said ( and this cannot be normal, even in his homeland ) ‘ Maybe it’s the menstrual cycle of a woman ‘

Tbh, that possibility hadn’t remotely occurred to me, nor probably any of you. It was weird, period.

( see what I did there..? 😂)

I fear he was covering his tracks, and a drained body was nearby.

He has probably never heard of a blog, let alone read mine, so he won’t know I’ve rumbled him, but if this diary goes very quiet, then it’s likely I’ll soon be found with 2 small puncture wounds in my neck, in West London….

The only way to get Boris to do anything is to keep him busy. As with lots of Carers,his default behaviour is to sit down.

He just went to the supermarket. We made a list for him,obviously using a pen and paper, him not being any more technical than that. The list was 7 items long

He was gone for a looonnnnnnngggg time,obviously…

He then announced that he’d forgotten to buy chicken. I asked how? He’d forgotten the list,as well as forgotten the chicken…

I looked at the receipt and counted 11 items for him, and 6 for me… funny how he’d remembered everything that he wanted,isn’t it?

Yes I have refused to pay the agency the full rate for him. I wouldn’t leave him in charge of a hamster, let alone a human.

Sending BIG LOVE to my lovely friend, Cherie currently in America in a hospital, after breaking 3 bones whilst playing with a dog.

Moral of story?

Dont play with dogs maybe?

Having spoken to her, and somehow convincing her that im currently dating a woman who turned out to be a transsexual, I’m wondering whether her painkillers have an ‘ extreme gullibility ‘ side effect..?

But at least she laughed a lot.

Hey Russ.

Your posts on new Carer make me laugh. Reminds me of my ex Bulgarian brother in law.

Remember this; You will never laugh with him only at him……in the nicest possible way 😏 It’s a good way to survive

. Xx

Written with tongue in Cheek

I actually don’t ‘ get too critical ‘ of the Carers, defaulting to occasional praise, when I overlook the chaos they actually do cause in my life, but Boris is a whole new experience.

In between not actually doing anything that involves a brain cell of initiative, Boris hums. He hums like a demented bee.

I have to keep playing music at a volume higher than his humming ie about 80 decibels, just to drown him out.

I just told him Marky P’s joke –

‘How do you get to Wales in a mini?’

He asked for the answer.

‘ It’s impossible  You can’t even get one in it ‘

He broke into a huge laugh  … I’m not complaining!

Thanks to Marky P for that contribution to my dynamic with Boris K

Apparently I get 20% off a ticket to a local historic park, as a resident living nearby!

Thats £2 better off than I was, at least on the basis that I want to go in the first place. It’s about 7 quid that I’m worse off if i do go.

He mentioned in passing that he’d get in for free, as my Carer.

Maybe ill just go by myself and tell him all about it…..?

I just took delivery of a small hand drill so I can do things to help myself – put in various low level storage hooks.

Boris unpacked, obviously after I’d asked him to, not before…..

He then said ‘ Have you ever done a military drill ) slow voice stylée.

Recognising that this was a crap play on words, I just said ‘ no ‘

He then slowly explained his hilarious pun to me.. I smiled briefly.

I really don’t want to encourage him tbh.

Today Boris Karloff and I go to collect some stuff from a storage unit to move into my new home. I have a good flat next to water, which is very quiet with swans and tweety birds everywhere.

As Boris has little sense of order or logic, despite talking like Mr Spock, it’s going to be another trying time,I’m sure of it.

I’ll wheelchair there and he’ll hopefully follow me in the car. He refuses to use any kind of modern satnaverytypadevice so no doubt AT ALL that I will lose him en route and then not be able to contact him as he doesn’t answer his primate Phone anyway.

Blimey oh Riley.

Saturday night I went to Swansea to see a band.

2 hours sleep,each night  for the 4 nights before ( i just couldn’t sleep ) meant I was just tired, but I always think that I shouldn’t just give up and not go, as that would be all too easy.

Thr Killers were 9/10 – fair play to them. Real crowd pleasing band. Nobody in Swansea seemed sober, which is how the Welsh are in Stadiums !

My new Carer is definitely really’ unusual ‘. He is Hungarian, and there’s something of the Vampire about him.  You can definitely imagine him sleeping in a coffin at night. Occasionally he says something ‘ oblique’ Before going to Swansea he da ‘ Do you think we’ll see Wales in Wales?’

I said that my date and I didn’t really have time to look around, but that he’d have a few hours  to look around, yes.

Without changing expressions, he said (and read this in a foreign, stilted voice ) ‘ I was making a joke ‘ .

I said ‘ oh as in the creatures that live in the sea, the mammals called whales…?’

He said in a foreign and solemn accent, and not smiling at all  ‘ Yes’.

I said ‘ right, got you…’

Still no smile though.

Tbh, it’s not really working out this time that a man is preferable to a woman  He’s like Igor, Frankenstein’s helper, only more solemn . Like one of those kids at school who was so serious that you just assumed that they must be ever so clever, but actually they weren’t at all!

Hi to Claire x

X

Soooo at the hospital I had about 20 X-rays, 2 ultrasounds, lots of opinions but one conclusion- that nothing had changed…

Doesnt make a lot of sense because I have a big lump where before there wasn’t one.. what do I know though, right…?!

After that I did indeed go to East London to see the Foo Fighters… with Amanda.

I’d heard from lots of people that they are amazing live, winning awards apparently ( for ‘ liveness’ ? As opposed to pretending perhaps?? )

Well i have to say that they were a bit of a disappointment tbh. I do see lots of bands, to be fair, so I deserve an opinion maybe. Dammit I paid, so I have earned one.. the Lead singer is definitely a lot up his own A hole, talks a LOT but doesn’t say ANYTHING clever or slightly amusing in any way.  He does call the audience ‘ you motherfuckers ‘ a lot, which had comedy value the first time out of the 50 times he must have said it… tho of course some would say it’s an unpleasant typa word to call so many paying people?

Anyway, I’m not so sure there has ever been a fella with really long hair and a beard that I really trust or like..

Well not since Jesus, anyway. But since he may be  fictional, I’ll say not since Grizzly Adams instead.

RD Gig Rating 4/10 then.

Taylor Swift was on at Wembley last night – the little minx !  I should have gone to see her!