I’ve taken the advice of several people and ventured out of my hotel, all by myself.

I head for Wild Eggs. It takes me a while to get there.
When I do it’s closed.
As it is every day after 2.30, the sign says.

I turn around and head back, then pass Jimmy John’s sandwich place.
It’s empty.
They open the door for me and in I go and order a coffee at the counter.

They don’t do coffee.
Or any hot drinks.

Do you have wifi I ask.

No.

So, as I’m here I buy a small bottle of water, then look up at the menu, above me.
Under ‘sides’ it has chips.

As I feel a bit silly just here drinking water, I order and pay for some chips.
I ask how long they take.
He looks at me oddly.

They’re just there, he says, pointing at bags of crisps.

I decide not to clarify my error and just take the crisps over to the corner table, where I am now eating them, with my water.

Crazy fast times in America.