So on Sunday I had my first chat with Micheal Appleton.
He was suggested as a person I could talk to, to bear my soul, to help me get through ‘this’.
Firstly, he’s a very nice man, probably around my age.
‘Before’, I’d never in my wildest dreams thought of talking to any kind of counsellor. Why would I have done? Everything was so good, and if it wasn’t, well I’d not dwell on it.
Now,what people see is a reasonably cheerful guy in a wheelchair. They don’t see behind my eyes, what’s there all the time, lurking – the self doubt and the anguish.
Micheal established a few traits fairly quickly – the engrained self criticism ( yep, always been that way – tho as I tended to do well at things, they weren’t necessarily big criticisms ), the awful guilt I feel for being in this situation and the effect it has on others, who I now need to ask for help. He understood my torment of not being the Dad I wanted to be, the practical, strong, capable, physical, protective man I was, to my daughters.
And he did ask questions that I’ve not been asked before, that made me look deep inside myself.
I think our meetings will be productive.
I invited him to read my blog, and he now has.
He texted me this:
I was struck by the immediacy, directness and quality of your writing Russ. It offers an interior window into a world not often glimpsed. And it was a pleasure. Best wishes Michael
And did he say ‘ tell me about your relationship with your parents ‘?
Well of course he did!