The summer is here.
It seems virtually everybody I know is about to embark upon some athletic challenge.
I’m feeling extremely left out, in this imposed rut I’m travelling along.

Everybody seems rightly animated by what lies ahead for them.
I’m not bitter, but I am jealous.

And I feel inadequate.
Not a feeling I used to feel often, in my old life.

I’m getting grief for a few bands that I missed out..

Eels
Madonna
Roger Walters
Gary Glitter ( long before the revelations ).

There, happy now.

I think the original purpose of the fundraising was to get me out of my morbid depression, and harness the goodwill of so many people that know me.
Two events were organised and money raised, for which I’m eternally grateful.
In addition, Dave B trekked miles across France,Dan inspired others to get out there by running a hundred miles, Terry will do his first Ironman, Robbie and his crew will conquer some of the steepest hills in France, and my cycling buddies will paddle from Devizes to Westminster in September.
So all sporty events, for a sporty guy.

The money raised has so far paid for some ski lessons ( not flights or accom or food ), and for the purchase of an Off Road all terrain wheelchair.
Has this helped me, as intended?
Christ yes, it’s taken my mind off the hopelessness, and reawoken my physical side.
About £750 also went on getting an old car converted to hand controls.

The next thing is an FES bike, electrocuting my dead legs, and making them move again ( though not under my conscious control ).

Anything with a ‘disability’ label is ridiculously expensive, FAR more than you’d guess at.

But when/if you see me cycling around/half lying down on what looks like an outsize kid’s tricycle, WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE..and legs not pathetically scrawny , then you can judge for yourself whether it was worth the money.

Hi Russell.
I have just been catching up on your blog. I was reading your piece to Morgan & was awe struck. I knew you were ridiculously active pre accident but I had no clue that you had achieved so much. It certainly made me appreciate why you struggle at times with your personal “moments”. But you know Russ a person who has tackled the physical challenges that you “list” must also be incredibly mentally strong……. Sooo mentally strong. Which is what you obviously are, I’m know you struggle everyday & maybe always will but I still believe it will get easier. It will be your mental strength which is innately Russell that will get you to a comfortable zone. Along with the love & support of your family & friends.
We have not met, I hope that we do sooner or later but I just love your spirit, strength, sense of humour & intelligence. I marvel at where you are after less than a year it is quite remarkable. That’s why you must write a book, it will be funny with out doubt but I see it as a message to others who too may be in a situation they far from expected, folks that need hope, encouragement & to be brave. All the things that are you to pass on to others !!
Love
Jane x

I met Bobby Windsor in Cwmbran this am.. He didn’t know about your accident. In spite of his reputation and background he is a very emotional man. When I told him what had happened he was terribly upset and actually shed a tear.
Love, Dad

( Bobby was one of the hardest, most feared rugby players in history ).

We have a small apartment in Portugal that we bought jointly with family about 8 years ago.
Since my crash, we’ve had it adapted for my new needs.
To be honest, it’s far easier here than it is in London, as I can access the lounge, the kitchen, a bathroom, and both bedrooms.
One of the best bits is that I can get onto the sofa, cuddle up to the kids and watch the TV.
And then I can even go into their bedroom and give them a goodnight kiss, not possible at home…
There wasn’t a single night at home pre crash that I’d forget to do that, however late I got home, and whatever state I was in… So not to do it for 9 months weighed heavily on me.

Yesterday we went for a drink to a bar on the nearby lake and met a load of friends.
As Dani helped me up the kerb, a lady was being pushed out of the bar in a powered wheelchair.
She had no arms from above her elbows, and no legs below mid thigh, so effectively just a torso and a head.
She was probably 60 or so. No attempt had been made to ‘cover up her stumps’, exposing them to the world.
She gave me a lovely smile and we talked for a few minutes. I asked her what had happened to her.
She told me that 8 years ago she’d contracted meningitis, with the consequent loss of limbs.
She was far more interested in me than she was in herself, asking me ‘how’ and for how long..
She talked about the dark days and the lows that I was undoubtedly getting, this ‘first year’.
Compared to her, my injuries are insignificant, yet she smiled cheerfully the whole time, and was so very caring, about me!

When I go out now, I wonder what people are thinking when they see me. I see people averting their gaze, people sometimes pretending not to notice me, maybe not moving their chair a bit to help me wheel past, when I know they have seen me.
If she can go out, in the ‘state’ she’s in, what issues do I have, by comparison? She can do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for herself.

Nothing except be a shining example of the power of the human spirit.

One of the most obvious ways that my memory has been affected by my crash, is the bit that remembers Band names.
For the life of me, I can’t remember who sang what etc, so I had a look on my iTunes Match to jog my memory.
Thought I’d write down all the bands/ singers that I can remember seeing live, at mostly London venues.

There’s no accounting for taste, but here goes ..

Anastacia
Athlete
Audio Bullys
Badly Drawn Boy
Basement Jaxx
Beck
Black Eyed Peas?
Brand New Heavies
Cake – twice
Cast
Catatonia – after which I did a bungee jump, from a crane, pissed.
The Chemical Brothers
Coldplay – when they’d just had one hit..
The Coral
The Darkness
David Gray?
The Divine Comedy
Editors
Elbow
Everything but the girl.
The Feeling – 3 times
Feeder – twice
Finlay Quaye
Florence and the machine -3 times
Franz Ferdinand
Gabriella Cilmi
Goldfrapp – twice
Gorillaz?
The Gossip -3 times
Groove Armada – twice
Hard Fi -3 times
The Hives?
Hot Chip
Ian Dury and the blockheads?
INXS
JacK Johnson
James
James Blunt
Kaiser Chiefs?
Kasabian 3 times
Katy Perry – Lily’s first gig.
Keane
Kelis
The Kooks
La Roux
Lily Allen
Lostprophets – if only I’d known.
Macy Gray – she was off her head, but still great.
Manic St Preachers
Marina and the diamonds
Massive Attack -3 times
McAlmont and Butler
Moby
Nelly Furtado
Oasis- twice. Love Liam or hate him, he’s incredible on stage.
Ocean Colour Scene
The Pigeon Detectives
Plan B
Portishead – at their best.
The Prodigy – twice.
Pulp – Jarvis was so good.
Radiohead – past their peak.
Razorlight
Reef
Richard Ashcroft
Rolling Stones – don’t ever watch a band at Twickenham rugby stadium. It’s worse than watching England there..
Scissor Sisters – I think Dani and I were the only straight people there..
Skin – best live performance of the lot.
Skunk Anansie
Snow Patrol
Space
Stereophonics – so polished.
The Streets
Katy B
Supergrass
Texas
Tinie Tempah
Tom Jones -3 times. The first time, in Hammersmith, was the funniest. Total sell out.
We weren’t Tom fans, but went for a laugh.
In his early days, Tom used to get ladies knickers chucked at him. So I bought a pack of ten pairs down the market and wrote Welsh type messages in the gussets – things like ‘Slam in the Lamb’ and ‘How wet is my Valley’.
My brother Alwyn and I were about 50 rows back. You try throwing knickers that far.
People in front of us were catching them and throwing them on. At least one pair made it to the stage.
Me and my brother laugh about it still – funny night.
And we bumped into Shakin Stevens outside, after, and had a laugh with him – though he’s not the sharpest tool in the box…
Tori Amos
Turin Brakes
Zero 7
The Zutons.
The Couterfeit Stones – ten times at least – far better than the ‘real’ thing.

There might be more.
The question marked ones are bands that I probably saw, but really can’t be sure.

Oh, missed one :
The Goldie Lookin Chain… From Newport. If you’ve not heard ‘Your mother’s got a penis’, google it.
2000 people in the crowd singing the chorus was one of the funniest (2) times of my whole life.

That’s quite a few nights out.

Probably won’t be quite the same in a wheelchair, but hey.

Today I stopped copying posts to my ‘old’ blog site, the one started by Melissa, whilst I lay in Toulon, near death.

This site is much better, techy wise, and allows me more ownership and control of the content in the future, however that may manifest itself.

I’ve been chatting to Claire Lomas, of Robotic Suit London Marathon fame ( amongst other things ).
She wrote about the people that couldn’t help but write and tweet unkind things about her, and wondered why on earth they did. What motivation could they possibly have?

I read her book with fascination, so much resonating with me.

The ‘troll’ thing did too. I’ve wondered why anonymous strangers get pleasure from putting comments on my online diary…
People I don’t know, happily hiding behind daft, made up names.

I tended not to delete their comments, as the rest of you, like me, just thought ‘ what a twat ‘.

They can’t post stuff now, unless I approve it, so it’ll be easier to dismiss their idiocy, and you won’t see it at all.

Thanks Melissa, for kicking this thing off.
Baring my very soul has been my salvation from time to time, particularly whilst in Stoke Mandeville.
It’s not the most enjoyable of places, despite the great work they do there.
Short of staff, space, and equipment, it soldiers on, but I shan’t look back with fond memories. It kept me alive, when I wanted to be dead, then kicked me out when I wasn’t ready. It’s obviously in a no win situation, and for that reason I feel guilty implying criticism so through non gritted teeth, I’d like to thank that hospital for saving my girls’ Dad, by giving him something to do other than topping himself.
Last night we watched a film where a little boy visits his Dad’s grave and cries on his knees.
I imagined that was me in that hole, and that little boy my Amber.
I don’t know what she was thinking, as I stroked her hair, but I was filling up.

I wonder what irrelevant comments my odd trolls will send about this post….

So we’re in the departure lounge in Gatwick and Dani says ‘that’s the guy who broke his back,learnt to walk again, and went back to the mountain where the avalanche paralysed him ‘.
Paul Stewart did just that, in 2013. Google the Ironspine Challenge.
He came and chatted to us – lovely guy. He walks with sticks, but that’s a lot better than a chair…

Then on the flight, we see and chat to Lucy, the female presenter of Homes under the Hammer.
I met her whilst in Stoke Mandeville, a few times. Lovely lady. Incredibly, her best mate is my brothers ex fiancee’s sister, from our little home town in Wales, now living in the south of England ( work that one out…)

One flight, 2 spinal connections.. Bit spooky.

Read your post – yes!!!!! Told you should write a book – absolutely the right decision because;
1) I am a voracious reader and have read many bio s of individuals who have faced disaster or challenge in some way and they have done a 10th of what you ve done ‘before’
2) You are way more eloquent and perceptive than they are.
3) You have an inbuilt sense of wit and know how to make people laugh so your literary effort would not just be a tale of overcoming adversity – it would also be a funny read.
4) All your friends and blog followers would buy it so there’s 10,000 copies sold for a start.
Brilliant idea Russ – just do it – do it x