Because I posted a line or two about me feeling very down, half a dozen of the hospital BigWigs arrived at the same time to tell me that I had to ‘ assessed ‘ and to advise me not to leave the building.

Ironic given that they couldn’t wait to get rid of me as recently as last night….

So after my buddy, Mike Smith, left  I’ve turned on the telly and put on a film. As usual, after 5 minutes I’ve become distracted.

This morning I’ve talked to the Spinal Injuries Association and to a lawyer, as well as to my GP, who has at long last recognised an obligation to look after me.

It now seems that I’ll be returning to Chiswick on Thursday instead, assuming  they’ve not put me into a straight jacket, that is.

When I crashed my bicycle 3 years ago, it was no ones fault but possibly my own. As I can’t remember my crash, I’ll never know.
I’ve never been bitter or angry, as I had nothing to direct it at .  I was however a bit mentally altered, having concussed my frontal lobe ( my bike helmet was smashed to pieces – I  saw it about a year later, all covered in blood. That was a very unpleasant experience  )

Certainly there are those that have mistaken/ explained away my altered personality for anger, but I think I’d know how I felt inside, better than an observer.

I have made a quite amazing mental recovery whilst here though, as I’ve written about.

I did enter this hospital as an independent paraplegic, and I’m going to leave it so very much worse off than when I arrived 2 months ago, with no chance of improvement –  2.5 feet long titanium rods don’t slowly become more flexible, despite lots of optimism from friends.

This time there is blame, for sure.

I’m trying not to be bitter or angry, but I think most in my situation would be?

I’ve had the most complex night of my life so far, I think.

I have so many concurrent problems in my life, that they ought overwhelm me, and indeed 6 weeks ago would have done.

I can see myself in court for 3 different reasons, trying to establish my right to justice, all of which I’ll win, but none of which will be a cause for happiness.

The happiness, somewhat bizarrely, I have already.

People keep asking me what different medication I’m on. The answer is that I’m not on anything more than I have been for many months, other than some extras for my spasms, which haven’t gone away in any case, despite my 4 crazily extensive operations. I’m on the second smallest dose of Sertraline, as are probably a significant proportion of Britain.

In my career as an optometrist, it never ceased to amaze me how many people were on antidepressants – I’d always say ‘ they look like they’re working, as you seem very cheerful to me’ , which always got a laugh.

My career has been on standstill for quite a while now, for reasons I cannot go into, but I’m confident that I shall return.

I’m definitely not into quitting.

Suddenly I’m not leaving here tomorrow after all.

The latest is that my GP has an absolute obligation to ensure my care upon discharge….

I have so many concurrent challenges at the moment, that in a perverse way I’m actually enjoying it.

Smiling again!

Russ,

I’m the current vice chair of Spinal Injuries Association  and just seen your post.

I’m also a spinal solicitor and do medical negligence. I’m out at mo but can email SIA tonight and see if someone can call you tomorrow. If you’d also like to discuss the op do let me know too.

Kind regards,

******

So tomorrow they  want to hoof me out of here.

Nothing has been arranged, in terms of ‘ care’ for me, care that I didn’t need when I was admitted here  on August 23rd, but do now.

The next 3 months will be extremely limited in many, many ways

The option of the NHS District nurse visiting to ensure that I don’t end up covered in my own excrement every day, seems to be a step too far for the NHS.

One helpful suggestion was that they get me wear an adult nappy every day, let me shit myself, and then clean me up as they put me to bed. That would result inevitably me crapping myself again shortly after – with consequential bed sores, and ultimately infection and death – that being a common outcome.

My GP, the District Nurses and Social Services all pass the buck to each other, and I’m getting nowhere, with an 18 hour deadline.

All those dark thoughts are flying around my head- the ones I used to have until 7 weeks ago, involving sharp blades and blood, and a quick fucking way out of this shit.

Ive been on the phone all day to so many people- my voice is hoarse and whispering now, and I’ve a sore throat

Having phoned Stoke Mandeville outpatients, their person said to refuse to leave, until such time that acceptable arrangements have been made.

The reason my fixation broke in the first place was that they INSISTED I transfer to my wheelchair 36 hours after filling my back with metal. At no point was I advised to be careful in any way about technique – as a consequence I bent and twisted my body at the same time repeatedly,  in the presence of nursing staff and physios, who said ‘ if its going to break, then it will break ‘

I questioned this advice at the time and was told to get on with it   Funny then that now, after the 4th operation they’re telling me not to move at all so that the bones and screws can knit together .

The inconsistencies are dramatic.  How they’ll defend this in court, I don’t know. I’ll need a lifetime of expensive private care,  directly due to the mismanagement here.

I’m not going to just take the hit, that’s for sure.

Thanks to Kev Young for

1. Waking me up

2. Bringing me a posh coffee and muffins

3. Bringing his engineering skills to bear, and tightening my wheelchair brakes, so much that once engaged a charging bull wouldn’t budge the thing.

Thanks to  the  ever generous Cherie, and to Pat ‘ the Chippy’ Savage Esq ( pictured above )  for his conversation and company. We, and Joe,  had a laugh, for sure.

Tomorrow could be my last day here, and I am going to miss the view from my window, of the city.

http://www.ohgizmo.com/2009/01/12/toilet-seat-scale-tells-you-how-much-weight-is-lost-after-you-take-a-dump/

A must have in every home?

Hammer update. 

I now, by pure chance, have acquired one.

Still need Allen keys and a hand that can wield a spanner.

Hospital staff ‘ can’t touch this’….