Jeez – you should see the state of my bones and metalwork – like Swiss cheese with skewers poked in, and a fair few of those skewers broken or pulling out.

I have one screw which has ground a hole in the bone ( as it worked loose ) so that the hole is about 10 times as large as the diameter of the screw, leaving it rattling around and the weight of my skeleton leaning shearing the hole ever bigger.

He didn’t want to admit me there and then, and said that he was pretty worried about my lungs too, which seem more buggered than before. Surgery will require careful attention to my respiration, as poor breathing will jeopardise my living through the operation, he said.

Im physically certainly in a parlous state then, despite looking well ( often the irony of the guy dying of cancer ) but it was all a bit sobering in the consultation. He said that we can’t delay long or something dramatic will happen to me in terms of skeletal collapse, probably leading to my demise.

Ah well, party on til then… then !

That look normal to you then ?

Given it wasn’t there a few days ago, and it feels like metal under the skin…

Bloody sharp lump is alarming for sure, but im going out anyway.. surgeon isn’t advising staying in so I won’t then.

Something cultural tonight..

Right then… they don’t want to admit me today but I’m scheduled for drastic surgery on the 17th.

Let the good times roll til then, then…

Waiting for a phone call to see whether I go into hospital for a couple of months today, or kinda carry on, all lumpy and twisted ( blimey ).

If i don’t go into hospital as an emergency admission, I’m going to the theatre tonight ( as planned ).

Well… you gotta keep on keeping on, right?

As usual then, as things get better, something happens that pushes my head under water again.

The lump in my lower back that was just a lump is now becoming a pointed lump all of a sudden ( like a screw is about to burst out of my skin ).

I think that it’s probably a screw that’s about to burst out of my skin then?

Im in bed and think that’s probably the best thing I can do until I’m told otherwise. If it all breaks internally and comes tumbling down then there are major blood vessels in the vicinity that get caught in the crossfire and I die. Although I’m ok with that, I’m definitely up for giving not dying an equal chance now, so I’m being cautious.

I’ve left messages with 2 surgeons ( definitely NOT going to A and E for something this specialist )  and I will hear from them tomorrow I think, and then decide what to do. Personally I think someone should come here and assess me, before I try to get help back into my chair, as every transfer is potentially disastrous I think.

Mentally it’s not taken me down with it, I have to say, or not just yet, as I am more than able to process the situation ever so logically these days.

Other than that, lovely to see Glenn today, Leigh and Bev on Friday, Cherie today, Miles and Charlie, Chris H  and lots of Wendy ( lovely from every angle ).

So it’s watch this space then. If I’m right then I’ll be in hospital this week, and will be staying there, messing up next weekend’s many plans.. and any I had for a couple of months.

But hey.

I’m not having the best day, I have to say.

I tried to put up a little shelf ( not easy when you can’t change position much ) and made a total bollocks of it.

I then went out.  As I approached a zebra crossing on my Triride at full speed, a skinny blond chap sort of minced onto the crossing. If I’d braked I’d have crashed, so I didn’t and he had to wait about another 2 seconds to cross the road.

As i went by, he shouted out ‘ TWAT’.

Having had a bad start to the day, I found myself turning my Tri around and going back to ask him if he’d been talking to me, and saying they braking hard and falling out isn’t a great option for me.

Not giving any ground, he said something high pitched and  ‘unsympathetic ‘ back to me.

I then found myself saying ‘ You be nice to disabled people, ok, like I am to Queers..’

I’m not in the slightest bit homophobic, but sometimes you just come out with stuff?

Or is it just me?