I asked Boris to move a desk top fan for me. As he moved it, the base fell off altogether.  He didn’t seem to notice that at all, despite it being a foot long.

Then he did see it. He picked it up and held it, and looked at me.

He then said ‘ what do you want me to do with this?’

Why would he even ask me?

I currently have the BT engineer here. Get this – he  won’t actually do anything himself ( as it’s against  company policy to attach any cables – like TV power or the aerial câble to the socket, or an HDMI cable to anything at all   He just looks at me and is perfectly fine with proposing that I try to do it ( which is impossible for me  because I cant move the telly )   He’s a strong guy of about 25, ( with ever so nicely coiffed hair and a fair bit of holding gel typa stuff in it, that he flicks occasionally, and has very strong aftershave and a tight fitting T shirt ) for whom it would be easy.

All attempts to persuade him to just help me, fail  He says he can’t touch anything that looks ‘ precarious’   The TV is firmly on a large padded stool, and only a strong earthquake would dislodge it, however he won’t touch it at all, or connect anything at all to it. I have to rely on the technically retarded Boris to assist him. It’s not at all funny

When I say ‘ can you just plug that in/ press that button ?’ he gets quite annoyed and says ‘ look we’ve been through this!’

I offer him a coffee. He says yes . I feel like asking if he’d like to use his own arms to drink it, or should I help, in which case I’d explain that I can’t because it’s against my policy on coffee drinking in my home.

Typically ‘ they aren’t BT, they are a company that BT uses, so there’s no point in complaining about it ‘

I’d  explained to BT that I needed help  I asked him to phone his manager, who says it’s too bad and company policy  across the board anyway. So they come to connect you, but won’t actually touch things.

Has the whole world gone mad? I’ve written a complaint, but I have no faith they’ll even read it.

I said to Boris that I’d been surprised by just how unhelpful the chap had been. Boris is careful not to agree with me on anything… and simply says ‘ do you think he was a homosexual….?’

That threw me slightly, wondering about the relevance of the question..  as I’m clearly in touch with my feminine side, and the type of guy that just goes to gigs brazenly with another man, I have no Gaydar at all.

I think I might wear that pink jumpsuit tonight….