As I mentioned before, I irrigate my insides daily to get rid of my bodily wastes..( 💩 ) This is a form of colonic irrigating but I put the water into a hole in my tummy, rather than up my bum. The water then comes out, down a plastic Shute thingy, into the loo. Flush the loo, take off the Shute, throw it away, job done.

I take off the Shute when I think that no more will come out. This is based purely on guesswork, as I can’t feel anything.

Occasionally I get it wrong. I remove the Shute, and then before I have chance to put a ‘just in case pouch’ over the hole, there’s a torrent of shitty water spurting out at fairly high velocity… hitting as far as the wall in front of me. No matter how fast I move, it’s never fast enough, it seems.

When this happens I really don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I mean I can see the funny side, but it does leave me in a messy situation….

As it happens so rarely, I can’t ever see myself going to the bother of covering everything in plastic sheeting before I start..

Ahhh the joys of a paralysis….