I live next to a canal, and today there is some drama program being filmed, with scenes of a girl on a narrowboat, maybe 50 metres from me. I’ve got no idea what production it’s for, but blimey they aren’t half making a meal of it. The film crew on the launch ( that has a 300 bhp outboard motor – why? The speed limit on the canal is about 4 knots and there is no current?! AND they have a safety boat with a fella in a wetsuit…) numbers 10 people, all wearing capsize survival clothing and life jackets, and they have just taken a shot of some action on the narrowboat. I was prepared to see the ‘ heroine ‘ of the film being murdered and pushed overboard, or maybe Godzilla bursting up from the depths and biting off her head….. but no, the shot that they filmed no less than 4 times was… wait for it…. her friend coming from below deck and giving her a mug of tea in the sunshine.

Mmm it’s no wonder that telly stuff costs are crazy high then, given no doubt there were another lot of costume and make up peeps also hiding in the narrowboat too. Obviously daft elfnsafety rules are to blame… the world has truly gone mad.

PS! I hear now that’s it’s a zombie film that they are making. There’s gonna be the Undead round my manor then soon. I wonder if they need any zombie extras in wheelchairs? I’d be ideal for that role, without make up.