The detail of my new life, it would seem, is sufficiently interesting as to have become a kind of ‘daily fix ‘ .

Strange really, as my old life was loads more fun, but recording that probably would not have generated the same attention, or at least would have had a ‘niche’ audience!

Today started with 10am  water torture. 

Shortly after being hoisted ( yes, in a big cradle ) into the pool, Derryn ( pictured, in the black swim suit, looking as though she’s, er, ‘fisting’ me ) decided she’d assess my ‘sitting balance’. 

The benefit of water is that falling over in it isn’t potentially terminal. She therefore sat me on a small backless stool, dead legs dangling into the deep…. 

Then she proceeded to push me off it, repeatedly. 

In the picture I’m laughing. F knows why.

But the good news is that the rationale worked! I did get far better at not falling off, and very quickly, learning to rebalance using my head, arms and back. 

Then she made be do ‘dips’ , pictured, in the pool corner. Previously I could do 60 dips on parallel bars, now it’s a paltry 10, assisted by the fist of Derryn ( sounds like a Jackie Chan film )   I wondered why she had placed foam padding on the tiled corner, until I face planted into it…. Yes, balance is the additional challenge now, not only strength. 

Dani arrived today an hour earlier than I thought. You know why? So she could pee herself laughing at me flailing in the water, like Forrest Gump in trunks. If you can’t laugh……

I showered in a bath chair, was dressed in my finest gym shorts, then released back into the hospital corridor. 

I joined Dani and my ‘team’ for a Goal Planning meeting. 

In short the objectives are all bum related: looking after the skin on it, and regulating what comes out of it. Plus, mastering the art of wheelchair to car/bed/bench transfer, without tearing a new hole in my arse. 

A lovely lunch followed, accompanied by Dani, Dan and Martyn. Baked jacket potato with cheese, purchased from the cafe is a lot better than the synthetic NHS sandwich that I get for free. 

The days activities officially over, my visitors having departed, I attended a lecture on, yes you’ve guessed it, Bowel Management, otherwise known as How to get through the day without shitting yourself. 

Yawning badly I then made myself go to the gym, where I did lateral pull downs and seated chest bench press. These are the muscles required to self propel  a wheelchair. Half an hour in, the gym shut so I wheeled down to a quiet, sloping corridor and spent an hour pushing hard up it and freewheeling down it. If you saw the pathetic gradient you’d probably laugh, but hey, it’s a start. 

Then, after going outside to cool off, I chatted to 2 fellow inmate unfortunates for a bit, and then retired to my room, just as Carol and Tom arrived to see me. Ha, no rest for the wicked!

We had a very entertaining hour or two, chatting, and I’ve been writing this ever since ; and it’s now 10pm. 

So there you go, my day in it’s entirety. 

That’ll teach you for chastising me. 

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