Day 3 here.

So every now and then when I irrigate my insides, i get all this black stuff that comes out.

Google says that if it’s black then it’s most likely to be blood, but what I get isn’t ‘ tarry’, rather it’s like horse manure – if you have ever smelt or looked at mature when its old, its really fibrous and full of vegetable matter, and doesn’t really smell like poo. Well that’s what comes out of me – as though it’s stuff that’s been there for ages, deep within me, fermenting away. I’m definitely bloated, and have been for a long time now. I’d hoped that having a stoma would make all the bowel stuff more straightforward rather than less, but it hasn’t – it is different, and overall better than before I’d say,but straightforward it is definitely not. I never really know what’s going to happen day to day with it, but live in hope that one day it might settle. Perhaps once all this black stuff is out ( if indeed there is a pocket of it inside me somewhere ) it’ll get better, but I really don’t know.


On  another note, it was fantastic to briefly see Ken Curtis thé other day – Ken, what a lovely, sincere fella you are ( praise indeed, given he’s an American ! ) I value every message i get from Ken – hes one of the Good Guys for sure.

Good to see Miles Watson too – ive known him since he was a newborn, and now he’s 21 I think – and a great lad. Good to see Neal, and Larry before I left the UK, and Dan too, who is always there in the background keeping an eye on me, so to speak.  I miss doing normal stuff with my old mates – skiing, cycling in particular. This time of year they all go skiing and I find it hard to even listen to them telling me about it. I can’t however pretend that the world doesn’t go on, and if they were paralysed and I wasn’t, I’d definitely still be skiing and talking about it to them. I sold my ski boots 2 days ago for a pittance, but they went to a mate, and they weren’t any good to me anymore, so it doesn’t really matter – but still it hurts ( quite a lot, inside)

3 thoughts on “Day 3 here.

  1. I really really relate to the ski boot thing. I came to terms quite early on to the fact that I wouldn’t (properly) ride my beautiful horse again. But 6.5 years on I can’t bring myself to consider what to do with my stunning handmade riding boots which my legs are too swollen to get on. Weird isn’t it.

    1. Isn’t it just, Jo.. totally irrational but there nonetheless. I suppose keeping your wedding dress is just as daft, but that’s pretty common, I understand…

  2. Hi there I don’t want to worry you but when my Husband had a catheter he urine was black and had a funny smell. I could smell it on the bus once and thought it was the person in front that was smelling like this. Where he lost so much blood this caused him to have a stroke. I wished hat he had done something about it at the time. It wouldn’t have made any difference about the cancer but perhaps he could have avoided having a stroke. His life might have been a lot better for the year before he died. I am only telling you this as I have become very fond of you and of course I could be wrong. Love to you Margaret x x

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