As sadly my default is to now assume that my Carers will outwardly resemble humans, but have the brain of an amoeba ( yes I know they don’t have brains, and that’s my point  ) I just find myself feeling non positive about them all, straight away.

My initial assessments have thus far been correct, to be fair. Only Stella, Victoria, Lee, Anca,  Hanna and Linda ( at first ) were positive experiences.

I find myself just waiting for the daft questions.

Although Mary (not her real name ) is evidently far brighter than most carers I’ve met, the puzzling  questions still come.

‘ When the car is Parked in neutral, do you want me to put the handbrake on ?’

No, honey, I’d rather the car roll away as I Wheelchair  backwards down the ramp.

And this WAS a serious question.

Cupofteagate has already struck

– Do you want both cups of tea with some cold water in to lower the temperature from boiling?

No, please put the mug into the oven so that the pottery is actually white hot, and then give it to me. …

How do I open the window in my room?

With thé handle – the only handle there is, on the opposite side of the window to the window hinges. Or just smash it?

Good grief.

Yes, I’m going to give it time. Perhaps she’s tired…. well I’m pretty blimmin tired too, of having seriously educationally sub normal Carers, that ask me the most bewildering questions.

Thank GOD my girlfriend is coming to my rescue tonight to show Mary what to do to get me into bed, and out in the morning as well. Bear in mind that Wendy hasn’t ‘ been through a robust selection process ‘ to care for me – she just has a brain and it’s bleedin’ obvious.

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