Wendy and I went to a party on Saturday. It was fancy dress. I think you are a bit restricted in a chair by what you can even get on so really ( a Dalek is possibly best ) it was just the top half of me that was a Roman centurion. I had a helmet and a sword too. Wendy was a saucy schoolgirl- you know that look I’m sure- think Britney Spears. As Wendy doesn’t look much older than a Sixth Former she definitely carries it off…

Yola and Russ were great hosts, and a load of Polish girls were very intent on swinging me around the dance floor in my chair, which was dangerous but funny. There was a prize for the best costume/ dance Combi, and I was given it – I’m sure I got the Sympathy Vote, but hey I’m ok with that.
I saw a couple of old friends there. The chap was friendly enough, but his wife really really not so, blanking me all night. I’ve known this woman for 25 years. I am godfather to her first child. She has been on the receiving end of my hospitality for most of that time in her many visits to London, and it’s also extremely fair to say that if it were not for me and a phone call that I made, she would have lost her home some years ago.
What do I think about her attitude to me? Well it’s sad isn’t it, that someone can act that way to someone that has been such a positive in her life for so long. It doesn’t make me at all angry or anything, it’s simply sad. Some people use other people and don’t give back, and are fair weather friends only.
If this woman ( let’s call her Emma Aldous Fountain- well that is her name after all ) asked me now for a favour I’d probably do her one, as I’m just not a negative sort, but you can certainly say that she probably doesn’t deserve anything more from me.
When I think about her actually, she did move from Cape Town to Hereford to be close to her 2 parents ( who were living apart in the same town ) and then managed to fall out with both of them, not speaking to either for 3 years… so really I suppose she would think nothing of not smiling at me.
It was a relief though to hear Wendy actually say something negative about someone, as I’d not before ( such a positive and generous soul ) but she really did about ‘ Emma’ for her extraordinary rudeness at close quarters.
I’m sure she doesn’t read this diary, so my words aren’t designed to be read by her – it’s simply a thing that happens to have happened on Saturday. I do think that whatever opinion someone might have of me, you do have surely to factor in the ‘ poor bugger – he’s had a fair bit of bad luck these last 5 years so I’ll give him a break’ … but obviously not applicable to Emma’s thought process.

Never mind.

Great party though regardless!

The journey back was far more straightforward, with ramps organised. I had to go to Paddington, in order to disembark, but at least I knew this time around.

So then a crazy night seeing Heaven 17 in Shepherds Bush. Definitely crowd pleasers and a fanatical  audience, so a winning combination. The place was totally rammed.

8/ 10 for the band and – they’ve certainly still got it.

And now we are watching Dick Whittington in the Panto …. he’s behind you!

Etc.

Having gone to Oxford to see a band ( and my girlfriend ) I was surprised to find that in the O2 Academy Oxford there was absolutely no strategy for wheelchair users… it’s quite hard to see anything when everyone in the venue is standing up except you …

Blimey, yet another email sent then.

Well if you don’t point it out and complain then nothing will change will it?

Cast, the band, were really upbeat and good- like all the bands I’ve seen from Liverpool.

7/10 for Cast and definitely worth the trip.

2/10 for the O2 Academy.

Dear Sirs

Im writing to complain bitterly about the situation that your system put me in. I am Paralysed ( after a terrible accident ) and wheelchair bound. I wanted to catch a train to see my girlfriend, in Oxford.
I went online to book a train, via your app. I did so and then booked assistance, with ramps and a space for someone who cannot get out of his wheelchair. Ramps were arranged at both ends of my journey.

When I got to Ealing Broadway Station, to my shock, surprise and horror, I couldn’t access the station, as all entries apparently have stairs and there are no lifts!
Please explain to me how you can let a passenger in a wheelchair book help onto a train from a station that he cannot possibly get into. This situation makes absolutely no sense at all. I had to miss my booked train and get to Paddington station ( 7 miles away, which I did by wheelchair on the roads ) then talk to the people there about getting a different train, and rearrange ramps at both ends for a different train journey.
I’m still incredulous that there is nothing in your booking system that prevents this happening, and also incredulous that a main station like Ealing Broadway isn’t accessible in the first place. I’m on the train now and feeling extremely nervous about arriving in Didcot and your system letting me down again, with me being stuck on the train, totally unable to get off myself.
Please advise what you are going to do to remedy this situation, how you intend to restore my confidence in SW Trains, and how you are going to recompense me for the way you have made me feel.

Yours faithfully,

Russell Dawkins.

Today I’m catching a train. Trains make me nervous as I am TOTALLY reliant on the rail staff being at the right place at the right time, with ramps to get on and off the bloody thing. If they don’t appear I’m either stuck on the platform or stuck on the train. You have to pre book it all, so in theory it is going to work… but there’s always that very large element of doubt in my head.

Perhaps one day they’ll have accessible trains? Or at least one carriage, or a raised section of platform like they have now in the accessible tube  stations… we live in hope then.

Last night I also missed something, again through  the fear of an unknown. I’d been invited to something where I didn’t know anyone, in a bar. For me there’s the issue of ‘ well what if people don’t talk to me, or aren’t that helpful if I’m on my  own. Far from everyone is, so I sent an email with my ‘ concerns’ to the organiser. She didn’t reply, so I’m guessing that she felt uncomfortable with the situation too. So I didn’t go.

Ahh this wheelchair thing!

Fully aware, kind of, that I’ve not said much recently?

I’ve not been at my best, you could say, for a while, but I am ‘ recovering ‘.  I have been doing stuff, for sure. As I’ve oft said, distraction is everything for me. It stops the black dog from hounding around my mind.

I went to the cinema the other day. Never been to see a film by myself, and thought that sounded a bit tragic, but once in there I reckon most other people were by themselves too? And let’s face it, watching a film isn’t supposed to be sociable is it? It’s about you and the screen. Anyway i saw Bohemian Rhapsody and it was pretty good. Old Freddie struck me as a really decent guy, as did all the other band members. It’s funny that in those days ( not long ago ) being gay wasn’t really acknowledged by the public. I mean really? You can’t get much gayer than Freddie, with his moustache and flamboyance, yet none of us really thought about him being gay. I remember being told he had AIDS and it was a genuine shock, as didn’t only gay men get that…? Bonkers in retrospect.

Theyll be telling me Elton John is gay next.

Somewhat predictably half my tooth fell off again. Trouble was  I didn’t realise til I’d swallowed it.

Doh.

They call me Gummy in Brentford now.

As the Arctic conditions descended on Britain I made the slight error of Tririding across London without gloves last night-  never mind, I survived, though also got caught in a nasty rain storm. As Wendy got me this leg warmy rain cover thingy I was saved from certain hypothermia- yet again Wendy to the rescue then – all credit for forward thinking. As I have a life long habit of dressing in the winter as though it’s the summer, I can sometimes get caught out by the cold ( although I never seem to learn my lesson… I just tell myself to man up, rather than wear more warm clothes ).

One day I’ll probably die and people will say we did tell him, and now look, he’s dead.

I’ll blame Pia for giving that tramp my jumper last winter ( from beyond the grave obviously ).

After 3 days of bleeding , it’s now stopped.

Phew.

Helped into bed and then loads more bleeding out of my willy…. that wouldn’t bloody stop. It would seem that the nurse managed to damage a blood vessel close to my urethra then, and moving me opened the vessel again.

I called 111 who asked me a zillion irrelevant questions, and then the blood stopped flowing.

I really didn’t want to go to hospital again as I know how unprepared they are for paralysed people. The blood started then stopped again and the advice was to see what happens overnight. As Wendy is with me what might happen is that she gets covered in my blood too. As she grew up in Africa helping her parents run the bush surgery she’s very relaxed about blood, as am I.

Lets suck it and see.

Well, not literally in this case….