Later today, 5 years ago, i died in a hospital in France. They brought me back to life however and some years later I sort of refound myself, as a different guy, with a different life and a lot of different friends too, a smaller family for sure, but with the Best of both still there for me, as I am and always will be for them.
Happy Birthday me.
I’ve realised what is stressful in my life. Things that I can do myself rarely stress me at all. It’s the things that I have to ask other people to do for me, whereupon they then waver or change the arrangement ( or sometimes decline to do things that are straightforward for them to do, but actually literally impossible for me to do ) that I don’t cope with.
It gets lost in translation that I CAN’T actually do it myself, so don’t have any other option than to ask for assistance. I think it can be misinterpreted as me being demanding/ needy / painful/ bothersome/ annoying/ unreasonable, because others can’t put themselves in my situation.
You don’t know how it feels for me to even have to ask/ plead/beg/Pay for others to do things that are simple beyond belief for them, but impossible for me. Yes, it is frustrating ( to be unable ).
You simply won’t ever get it unless you have the severe misfortune to end up physically like myself.
Its also why I have to have someone ( paid ) with me, so that doing things for me isn’t an imposition ( taking the ‘awkwardness ‘ out of requests ) That awkwardness removal takes a significant amount of ( mental ) stress out of my life. It is the Carer s rôle to make the impossible possible, without having to negotiate with the other person. Typically the negotiation can take hours, if not days, and all that time I feel the stress of uncertainty, which I just don’t like at all.
Of course what I could do is to just do nothing, to never do anything, to never try to have an eventful and varied life? For me that just isn’t enough though.
What I need is that robot exoskeleton that automatically puts itself onto me and turns me back to being self sufficient.
Anyone know where I can be cryogenically suspended until they bring it out?
Hi Russ. How are you? I have spent a lot of the evening catching up with your blog. Can’t believe that it’s 5 years since your accident, and since we saw you in France! ( just post coma )
I thought your royal wedding coverage was hilarious. You haven’t lost your crazy sense of humour…..
So sorry about the fact you don’t see your kids… I’m sad for you. I also think that your blog is really honest, sad and funny all at the same time.
Hopefully see you sometime soon…. xxx lots of love. 😘
I seem to have these absolutely momentous days ( not as in amazingly good ) where so many things happen that affect me massively on the same day.
I swear nothing like this ever used to happen to me pre injury.
I’d describe the last 24 hours as 24 where I’ve dodged 2 pretty lethal bullets. Both were significant changes of bad luck/ good luck ( depending on my shifting perspective ).
I now have until the 21st to leave here, and at least have my current suitable accommodation to reside in until then.
After that I hope that my next residence works out without massive hitch and I’m NOT in the position I was facing yesterday, which was shit, frankly.
X
You and us
It does not seem possible , it’s five years ago . We were in Canada when your brother Alwyn rang us. I am in tears as I write this message. The shock was indescribable , there are no words to explain how a mother feels when her child has been so terribly injured.
Although life goes on , it’s totally changed for ever.
There came a point in my life where I had to stop crying, stop pacing the boards at night, stop feeling nauseous , stop the total despair from overtaking me and I have.
Hope your move back to the UK is as smooth as possible .
Loads of love from your mum xxxxx
The other thing about’ Eviction Day’ Thursday the 14th of June is that 5 years ago on that date I got on a bicycle and went pretty fast down a hill in France. Approaching a bend, a motorbike came around that bend crazily fast towards me, causing me to swerve and brake. Within a millisecond my life was nearly over, and from that same time nothing would ever be the same again. Everything would be harder, and many many things impossible to do. Over these years I have tried to ‘ celebrate ‘ that date somehow, rather than think about what happened.
This time I’ll be indoors, in limbo, surrounded by boxes of my stuff, with the doors locked.
Crazy date, June 14th.
He also killed himself at the age of 55.
In coming to terms with his death, there’s one question Anna Ruth has come to loathe above all others: “Why do you think he did it?” She once walked out on a date who asked her that.
“It’s not a choice. When you live in an orbit of despair, it’s not a choice to you. You have no way out. It’s like your final days of cancer. You have no choice. It is eating your body. You are going to pass, right?
The only choice I think you do have to make is to reach out for help,” she says.
Asking “why,” she explains, assumes that there was a single cause, when in reality, people die by suicide for complicated reasons.
He had a chronic health condition💥💥💥 — type 1 diabetes. People with serious or chronic health💥💥💥 and mental health problems, those who have limited access to health care, and people struggling with addictionor substance abuse or who are having trouble sleeping💥 have a higher chance of dying by suicide.
Mike Williams was also in the midst of a life transition. 💥💥💥He had recently left a church in Denver to accept a post with another congregation in Tennessee. People going through stressful life events💥💥💥 — like relationship problems, 💥💥job loss💥💥, or financial 💥💥or school difficulties — have a higher chance of death from suicide. Other things in the environment increase the risk, too, including access to lethal means — like drugs or guns — and exposure to suicides in the news or in the community.
With the recent deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain in the news this week, health professionals are worried others could follow suit. Studies have shown that the suicide rate rises after intense news coverage of these deaths.
The last category of things that raise the odds of suicide has to do with a person’s history, including genetics, exposure to a traumatic 💥🏍🏍🏍💥💥💥or violent events in childhood or as an adult, or cultural beliefs that support suicide.
“While we have all these risk factors that we do know about, there’s not a simple formula where if you have four of these✅, you’re going to die by suicide, or if you have two, but one is really bad,✅ then you’re going to die by suicide. So we don’t have a formula,” says Nadine Kaslow, PhD, professor and vice chairwoman of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University School of Medicine. She’s also chief psychologist at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta.
Blimey, I’m an anomaly being alive?!
I’ve suggested that the people in question actually talk to me, rather than their lawyer talk to mine, as I’m not convinced that the lawyers ‘ interests are in getting me out next week as agreed. If it becomes a legal dispute then the only winners are the lawyers’ pockets.
I suggest a chat on the phone will resolve a lot, man to man ( so to speak without being sexist ). Natalie Sellars ( good name for a salesperson ) the estate agent, has both our numbers.
Surely better, faster and free.
When I do go back to london ( either next week or in late 2020 ) my amazing iBot might be up and running again, with new batteries and a replacement power plug.
Now THAT is exciting news for me 🙂