I’m forgetting what it felt like to do things with legs.. Running, walking, skiing.
Other things as well..
It’s only been 9 months.
I was doing some of them for 40 years plus. How can I forget?

I find it horrifying.

Perhaps it’s for the best, but at the moment I can’t see the good in it.

Suddenly this afternoon I sort of got the hang of it – which makes me no expert!

However, maybe some video tomorrow.
Of course the moment the filming starts I’m certain to pile into something…

Quiet night in tonight – building up for the final push… 😉

So it really isn’t easy.

In America they have you on leashes – like walking a toddler – and correct your mistakes to stop you falling over.
Here,they have no leashes, they let you fall over, and let you feel the snow against your face, and the pain of the impact.

Beginning a beginner again on snow is a hard one to swallow.
The conditions are either icy or slushy and it’s a bloody challenge
Technically I’m putting in far too much arm muscle, and not using the stabilising poles enough – less brawn, more brains required.
Always my tendency in sport, that one…
Although I think I’m hopeless, Jean Jacques, my instructor, seems to think I’m not.
When you absolutely cannot get up yourself after a fall, it adds to the feeling of ineptitude. I’m totally reliant on him to drag me upright again, every time. And I can’t see how I’ll ever be any other way.
And that’s a bit depressing.

Rather comically I was washed outside in the garden yesterday by Dan and Saskia, with buckets of water.
As cars drove by, a naked, paralysed bloke had water poured over him by a guy in a ski suit.
Straight out of Little Britain.

Saw Billy and SJ yesterday though, old, good mates, and met their lovely kids for I think the first time. Dan’s 3 get on very well with them, and it’s great to watch them having fun. It makes me miss my girls a lot though.
Although I want to progress my skiing, I can’t wait to be home at the same time. Having spent 9 months incarcerated in hospitals, I fear being away from my family.

Two more days to crack this bloody sport. I can’t imagine it’s going to be enough. Having watched a bit of YouTube last night, it looks easy, but trust me, it’s not.
I fall and curse a lot, but try not to get too down, as that won’t help.
Before this, if I had a bad day’s skiing, it would weigh heavily on me until I had a good day. I have to recognise that this is my nature and put things into perspective – it’s hardly the end of the world ( I’ve already been VERY close to that one ).

Ok, almost time to get up to spend an hour sat on the bloody toilet.

X

Mother’s Day

Whilst she isn’t my own Mother, Dani is the mother of my two children.
She is the proverbial Superwoman.. Devoted, loving, caring, organised, tireless, generous.. are there enough complimentary adjectives out there to describe her?

There’s no way my daughters realise how fortunate they are to have her as their mum.
To my horror, I hear they haven’t even got her a card today ( despite my reminding them repeatedly ). They are certainly old enough to know better.
Dani, I’m sorry.

Very few people could have handled this last 9 months in the way that you have.
Your friends are in awe of you ( I’m told that at least once a week ), so don’t be down at heart today.

The girls love you very much, and you know it.

Xx

Tunes

Have you ever realised how songs on the radio take you back to the time you first heard them?

You may not have really thought about it much, or at least not with the sort of nostalgia that I do now.

Even songs that are getting loads of airplay now were released before my accident, when I could do pretty much anything I wanted.
I saw a lot of bands live, with Dani,friends, and work colleagues and staff too.
Hearing songs triggers memories of better times. It’s a dilemma, that one – to listen to music that I should love, that makes me long for the past in the process.

Thanks

A really big thank you to Chris, from Sky, for oiling the wheels that got Ringside involved in the boxing event.
I’ve known Chris for years, via Richmond Canoe Club, where he’s been a club stalwart for a long time.
In my past life, he ‘supported’ me in Devizes to Westminster Canoe Race’s, always being the sort of guy you could rely on to do something methodically and well.
I never for a moment thought that I’d have a boxing event staged in my honour… Well why would I..
But Chris’s involvement really upped the ante, and I suspect that his help in this event may just be the start.

He’s another example of someone stepping up to the mark and making a huge difference.

France.

So..having tried a mono ski for 3 hours this morning, I can confirm that it’s harder than a two ski device.

That being pretty pedictable, I wonder why the French insist you go on a mono before they try you on a Bi.
All will be revealed perhaps tomorrow, when I ski a harder area on a Bi.
Today I ate a lot of snow, but didn’t let it get me down.
I wasn’t ‘tethered’ to Jean-Jacque, my instructor, though he did have the option of holding the bar behind me to ‘drive’ me when it got tricky. The thing is, due to general lack of sensation, I couldn’t tell half the time when I was in control or being driven.
Towards the end, I got better at it, it has to said, and it stands to reason that tomorrow I’ll be more balanced.
Well that’s my theory.

Dan and Saskia are looking after me extremely well. God knows how they got me, 3 kids in child seats, a wheelchair , a shower bench, 4 suitcases and themselves into the hire car.
Then last night they carried me in my chair up a flight of steps, with a bloody great right angle in it, whereupon shortly after I fell asleep, prompting them to carry me down again.
It’s gotten a lot easier to get into high cars of late, having abandoned my wooden plank transfer technique and adopted one I saw on YouTube.
I still need the seat of my pants grabbed and pushed in the right direction, but it does seem to be easier..

Seeing how capable my mates are with their kids does reinforce what I’m acutely aware I can no longer do with my own.

Sometimes I miss my legs so much, but I don’t think about it anywhere near as much as I did before.

..to ‘me Julie’ for taking me not only to Honda to look at cars ( adapted ), but also for her practical skills as a driver and ‘showerer’.

Honda were great, as are their cars.
I’ve suddenly got a whole log better at getting in and out of them, without using a plank of wood under my arse to slide across.
Using the ‘roof handle’ and now being far stronger ( thanks to Adam ) has changed everything..

Skiing on Sunday morning, without fear should make it a whole lot better than the last time ( which actually went ok ).

This time I hope to really rip the ass out of it.
Though hopefully not mine, in the process…
Great pic of us, at Sky Sports Studios for Ringside.

http://www.chiswickbuzz.net/component/content/article/83-sport/232-parx-boxing-fight-for-russ