Im in Stanmore hospital, waiting for my Sex Appointment.
The letter was entitled ‘ Vibrator’.
Im not sure what bit they’re going to vibrate, or where they’re going to insert it?
Perhaps they’re going to give me tips on how to use one on a female ? God knows, or rather the appropriately named Sharon WOOD does…
Perhaps she strips and tries to get me in the mood…. I have no idea..
I’ll tell you what happens next..!
People in my situation – the Spinally Cord Injured – nearly always suffer from varying degrees of bladder and bowel problems. Very sadly it’s just how it is when half your body ( or far more ) just doesn’t work properly or at all.
I’ve documented that I had a stoma operation and have a colostomy bag, as that really is an improvement on how it was before I had that operation. Still though, I have problems, as my intestines don’t work properly, as they did before. I have had lots of bloating and spasms. It seems now that I may have happened across a solution though ? If I eat half a coconut per day ( thats about 40 pence ) then i basically shit for Wales, albeit into a handy bag on my front. I’m far less bloated and look a lot leaner ?!
Coconut is obviously good for you – ask anyone that has been shipwrecked on a desert island and they’ll tell you.
So don’t be shy, eat coconut if you’re constipated ?
( the shy bit was a pun, btw …)
My trip to Portugal was far better than I could have possibly imagined. I have delayed writing about it, as I wanted to see what effect it had on my mood in an ongoing sense.
The trip with the Toulon 12 is always going to be an emotional thing for me, as the association is always going to be primarily with my paralysis, one sunny day in June 2013.
This time I hadn’t been able to do much preparation, in terms of training, and I was very much unsure if I wanted to go at all, so had delayed booking flights until only a couple of weeks before I went.
In the event, it turned out to be the best 4 days I’ve had in 4 plus years. I loved being with the guys – Jeremy ‘Churchy’ Day, Toby, Roy ‘ The Boy’ M, Dickon ‘ The MusicMan’ S, Robbie ‘ Terry Scott’ Fish, Pistol Pete, Ian ‘ One ‘ Ball, Johnny ‘ Sombrero ‘ B, Glenn ‘ nice hair’ Manoff, Sam ‘ New Joysey’ Saff, and Sanjay ‘ The Indian ‘; and with Stella too, who’s job it was to look after me ( between having a great time eating well and listening to Pistol’s many anecdotes in the van, plus navigating. I need a carer to come with me, as I certainly am not able to be independent post Autumn 2016 surgery, and the guys really probably don’t feel that comfortable with the concept of helping me to undress and help wash my balls ( for example ). Poor Stella just smiles and probably thinks about something else…
The route was actually very hilly and undulating, so it wasn’t practical for me to attempt to arm bike it all ( i could have, but it would have taken too long ) so I did about 55 miles on the first day, then 30 and 25 miles on the next 2 days. I used the Triride attachment and rode in my wheelchair for about 66km ( combined ) over the last 2 days. Previously I would have considered this to be just cheating, and would not have done it, but this time I just used it as a positive opportunity to ride with my mates. As Triride replaced my motor recently, as I’d had a few mechanical problems, I had confidence in my new engine and it performed very well, going pretty fast up the steep hills.
Since ive been back the positive effects have lingered, I’d say, rather than me having a ‘ come down ‘, which is good. This is despite Stella having gone away for a week to Greece ( what an endless life of holidaying that woman leads…) with her sister, the lovely Anna.
As i was stuck for help for 36 hours, the fab Cherie, Pia and Jo all helped me to do various things during that time. I’m as always very indebted to them.
The RGS lecture nights have resumed, and I went with Bradford Boy Smith last week. I’ve seen a film with Lily ( Kingsman – the golden circle ), as well as spent time with Cressida.
Last night I went with a lucky date (?) to the theatre ( get me !) to see Michael Jackson Thriller Live in the West End. It was actually brilliant, I have to say, and the Lyric theatre have totally got their wheelchair space sorted out – ‘ private box ‘ no less. Claire and I had a real laugh, and going by Tube in the iBot worked fine. Getting through the packed streets to the Lyric was a lot better in the iBot ‘ standing up ‘ like RoboCop, than it was being very low in a wheelchair, not being able to see where I was going at all.
I had a flashback moment during the show to the first time I ever heard ‘ Billy Jean’, that being sat in the back of a car ( at 16 years old ) , driven by the late, great Benny Jones of Pontypool, with his son Leigh, who I see a fair bit of these days ( and probably at a gig on Wednesday in Brixton ) Benny was driving us to a West Mon school First IV rugby match, but i can’t recall who we were playing- though pretty sure we won ( we didn’t lose many games ). Back in those days you only heard a new release when it got played on Radio 1, very unlike now where you’ll get it via social media some way or other, or an app.
I am a touch hungover today, as I drink moderately on occasion these days, though a lot less than I used to.
Happy wedding anniversary to Cherie and Matt. I hope Milan was ready for you…
I have various things on this week, including a Spinal Injury sex clinic appointment ( my first ). I’m really not sure what they are going to do with me ( the appointment just arrived in the post ) , but I’m open minded, as always. Stella will come with me, though perhaps not literally… that being incredibly unlikely.
I also have a medical appointment in Stoke Mandeville hospital, a place that I don’t have happy associations with, for obvious reasons, but that night I see Ricky Gervais, which should be funny and make up for it.
If I’d been able to actually sing.
Me, Dom and Sian. All 17. 
Stella is afraid of spiders.
So, this was her bed when she went into her room – and then when she pulled back the duvet.
Today is the last chance to train ( indoors ) on my arm bike before it goes off in the van with Pistol Pete to Portugal, with all the other bikes, so I’ll do a couple of hours on it, and watch a film whilst arm pedalling.
This last week Ive actually been invited, and attended, 2 social occasions from ‘ my Old Life’, also attended by my Ex wife and Pringle. In the iBot I am at ‘ normal’ height and mobile, so it makes a massive difference to my ability to interact with other people. Thanks to Jo for coming with me to Larry’s birthday party, and thanks for the invite, and thanks to Clair and Charlie as well. As it was a surprise party for Clair and I was asked to find a curry house for 20 guests, I did phone around. Obviously my opening question was ‘ is it wheelchair accessible?’ Eventually I found one that apparently was. I thought I’d just check by going past it on Saturday afternoon, and was a bit surprised to see a step, then a narrow door, then a right angled turn, then 2 very narrow steps up to the dining area. There was absolutely no way that the iBot would get past all that, so I went in my regular chair and was lifted up the steps, it being yet another premises to illegally not have any kind of ramp…. thanks to Jerry and Cliff for the lift up, and down again afterwards, and to Pia for helping me with loo doors a couple of times. The loo doors were not actually wide enough to get my chair through, but I just had to make do, as is so often the case.
Jo and I went to a great gig on Friday. A man called Marc Bolan from a band called T Rex crashed his car and died 40 years previously to the day, on Friday. They were a really good band from the era of Glam Rock, and his death was a fairly notable event at the time. I don’t remember it, as I was a kid and Glam Rock hadn’t reached Wales ( obviously ) Blokes in make up and spangly clothes would never have been allowed over the Severn Bridge, for a start.
Anyway, all sorts of famous musicians turned up to celebrate his life. His songs were sung by Marc Almond ( from Soft Cell ), Steve Harley ( from Cockney Rebel ) and Holly Johnson ( from Frankie goes to Hollywood ) – all really big stars from the past. For once, I was probably one of the youngest people at a gig, as most fans there were probably teenage fans of T Rex when Marc Bolan died at just 29. Jo looked so underage that I’m surprised they even let her buy a drink at the bar.
The iBot seems to create such a stir sometimes, which is how it should be, and I had all sorts of people talking to me about it, some in almost complete wonder. I now go on buses in it too, so my radius of iBot travel has grown. I can’t take it to Portugal, as it would almost certainly get damaged in transit in the hold of a plane, so not worth that risk. It’s too good to risk losing, having changed my life a fair bit these past few weeks.
