I met someone today that by complete chance , whose sister had been ( somehow) ‘ inspired ‘ by this diary.

This  ( high achieving, alpha female ) lady has recently accepted  a double mastectomy as an alternative to an almost certain ‘worst fate’ for her and her daughters.

It made me cry to hear her story, and that somehow this diary had helped.

This diary wasn’t supposed to have a purpose, and I maintain that it still is nothing other than the notions of a guy that fell off his bike… but I’m ever so touched to hear that **** has got something from it ..

And I’m in tears again.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-01-25/australian-of-the-year-2017-winners-alan-mackay-sim/8212

http://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2017-01-25/australian-of-the-year-2017-winners-alan-mackay-sim/8212694?pfmredir=sm

Having had real battery dying issues on Monday night, with coming to a stop in the middle of the road several times, my faith in my power wheel had been a little shaken.

When you find yourself in a situation that you really, really didn’t expect to be, and you have to finally accept it, because you have no other choice ( that involves staying alive ) it does make you more alert to the world around you where in fact you do have choices.

As well as being unexpectedly paralysed, I find myself being unexpectedly divorced too.  As I have come to accept that reality, I have found myself looking around and tuning into other people’s marriages, in a way that I’d never have done before.  It is no doubt controversial of me to even write about this, but since I’m in it, it qualifies me to.  The paralysed get divorced more often than the non paralysed for lots of reasons. Paralysis is pretty upsetting for the victim…… depression is normal,  bitterness is normal, anger is normal, blame is normal, unemployment is normal, apathy is normal, tears are normal, having to move house is normal, not being able to go on normal holidays is obviously normal, limiting other people to doing limited things when they’re with you is obviously normal, etc etc.

It’s no wonder they get left!

I don’t think that many of those reasons are why I’m going to be single, but for sure some of them are in there, whether admitted to, or not.

Anyway, that list isn’t exclusive, not all of it, to the paralysed.  Normal people get quite a lot of those things too, in life, and more besides, particularly the psychological bits.

As I look and listen, I realise how many people are not that happy.  And frankly, it’s their marriages that are the main issue. They just aren’t in love any more.  They’re not even in like.  They just soldier on through, getting on each other’s tits pretty much all of the time.  They don’t really like each other’s company, but deny  each other ‘ the permission ‘  to have fun elsewhere, through some misguided possessiveness that says ‘ you can’t have fun, unless I have it too ‘. (  NB ‘Fun’ doesn’t mean/include  sex with other people.)

What the f*** is that about?  Women are worse for clamping down on their male partner’s  activities,  I’d say (though it can definitely be a mutual two way strangulation, or just one way from the male.  As I hear it mostly from men, I have more evidence from a male’s perspective  ) , but I can’t fathom why that should be. My own marriage was always based on not limiting each other, right from the outset, and I definitely wasn’t limited either, and my wife neither.  If I had been limited, my reaction would have been to do it anyway, with extra, but that didn’t really happen.  I was definitely aware that other blokes just ‘ couldn’t believe my luck ‘ but ffs that is just ridiculous!  You do not get betrothed to cage your partner, unless you’re disturbed.  But lots of people, most people, start doing that straight away, and then continue to do that until they divorce or die.

I see just how many people would be a lot happier divorced than where they are.  But there is another way…. just calm the f*** down and loosen the chains.  I know so many lovely couples, who spend all their time denying each other freedom to have more fun.  I must stress that that was not my own situation.

The marriage vows should be altered to  ‘ love, honour and let him/her go out and have a laugh whenever it’s possible, if he/ her wants to ‘

But there’s not much chance of that happening,  sadly.  Instead, marriage rates will fall and divorce rates will rise, as people don’t want to be encaged for ever.

But it’s all so avoidable.

PS not every single marriage is like I’ve described.  There are some good ones! I’m tempted to name a few good ones, but in doing so there’d be an assumption that if yours isn’t in the list….

There were 21 teams in the school parents charity quiz.

We were only 8, not 10 like all the others.

I was actually quite good, compared to most of the 8, but clueless at things like ballet and opera ( since I just can’t do that stuff – too much of a Philistine )

As it’s a school full of bright kids, it follows that there must be a lot of smart parents.  Unfortunately, none of them were in our team.

We bought the most wine for charity, and  came a magnificent 21st out of 21.

Every cloud has a silver lining, however,  and the wooden spoon that I received has proven very useful for stirring the fairly unpalatable concoctions that I have to drink every night to make my compromised internal organs work ..

The team offered to come back with me and help me into bed etc, which was so kind, and actually would have been good, as I ended up stuck outside the flat, unable to open a blimmin door, with 3 mobile phones and the landline all unanswered.

Anyway, eventually I was assisted… although I confess to have been a bit f***** off by then.

Not being able to reach a door handle, that’s just an inch too far away, whatever you try, is a bit upsetting sometimes. And when 3 people are within 10 metres  and ignore 4 phones,  it doesn’t help.  I think everyone would understand that?

Anyway,  I don’t dwell on these things.

But coming last in the quiz? Bad. But we didn’t use Google  to find answers to pretty obscure quiz questions, which people do of course do now.  I know, because I’ve done it myself…… as in cheated.

I’m also ok with/at bending the rules at cards too. The kids never notice, which adds to the sense of achievement.

I don’t however cheat at other board games.

I had a lovely time when I went on my wheel down to the Thames yesterday. I don’t look at the river with sadness any more, missing my time spent on it; I just appreciate it for what it is, instead. It was cold yesterday, it was a very clear blue sky, and brilliant sunshine. At low water the river looks at its tamest, and best, and with the sun shining off the water, it’s beautiful.  I loved being there.

I started writing my book, too.

Spontaneity isn’t a thing that I’ve been associated with for well over 3 years, what with wheelchair confinement… but yesterday I was able to just call in on Pia and Cliff, who live about 5 miles from me.

People in bloody London have forgotten the art of just knocking on the door and having a cup of tea, without first diarising a visit by email, 2 weeks before, then confirming it with 14 texts in the intervening days..

I didn’t have tea, as Pia made me drink wine ( actually because she wanted an excuse to have some, so I went along with it …) and got back at midnight, some 6 hours later.

I’d been into Richmond, in search of slippery material, found hardwood – slide boards are now an essential transfer item to get from one place to another – and then had time to socialise.

I plan to expand my ‘ popping in for tea, but accepting wine under duress’ routine, as it’s a laugh.

Please send your address if you have an accessible dwelling…..

Russ

I’m sure you can use it on your blog!

I’ve just accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles.

My next shit could spell disaster.
😀

Bloody spasms driving me to distraction for a couple of days now.

I think there’s a connection with heat too, or lack of it,  ‘below the waist’.

Last night a lovely friend of mine was burgled.

It was quite telling in retrospect that my reaction was purely and only concern for her, and her security.  After about an hour, or maybe 2, I wondered what had been taken.

Stuff is just stuff. Even sentimental stuff is just stuff. Safety and  safety from harm are so much more important, it’s incredible.

Tomorrow I go to a quiz night.  I’m in a parents team, though I don’t really know my team mates. I asked if we had a team name. I was told no.

As the venue is somewhere called the Bishop’s Centre, I suggested we call ourselves ‘ Bashing the Bishop’.  I think I may have convinced my team mates that it’s a religious expression, as a lot aren’t British born.

Hope I get away with it…