🥵

Yesterday, at the end of my bloody tether, I had with absolute conviction decided to end it all.
In the process of getting my affairs in order I realised that I needed more time to do it.
Although my affairs are in order, pretty much, it was taking quite a lot of time to tie up the loose ends.
F it, I’d have to delay ending it by a day.
Then I had the prospect of another night of torment and no sleep.
I actually dread going to bed now because I know that I’m going to lie there and spasm all bloody night and not sleep. It’s worse than being sat in a chair with jerking legs because when you are horizontal the legs have a lot more room
to express themselves..,
Also I was so bloody tired yesterday I found doing admin stuff really hard.

Now it depends on tonight how I’ll feel tomorrow.
Who knows.

I have arranged to see a urologist though ( possibly a positive ) and my GP is testing my urine. I mean the antibiotic surely isn’t doing what it’s supposed to be doing.
It’s very hard to tell though.
I a getting lots of uti symptoms but not all of them.
And I can’t feel my lower back or lower abdomen to tell.
All a headf***.

3 thoughts on “🥵

  1. Thinking of you. Remember Mr Gervais’ “Life’s a struggle… and then there’s a beautiful surprise that helps you want to carry on,” (sadly not verbatim, but you get the drift. Maybe a targeted antibiotic, new approach plan, or even 4 hrs of fkin sleep? Sending a hug ❤️

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