The Perils!

So I met a nice lady. Let’s call her Beryl.
Fun and smart of mind – and come Date 3 there was a proximity, and a kiss.

Well really it was the first time id probably been closer than 3 feet to her.. so I had no inkling…. but her breath was, well, impossible to describe without talking about rubbish bins and fish.
Thats not something im exaggerating. In fact id be being kind.

Managing not to react visibly at all, the kiss was brief ( mercifully ) and we carried on our afternoon for another few hours, probably, though not with any more ‘ closeness’.

Well it very hot, and id not seen her drinking any water/ tea/ significant volume of liquid.. so I put it down to dehydration. I mean, she was very well to do, and took a lot of pride in her appearance, clearly.

I mentioned the importance of drinking water, in general, and particularly now, in the heatwave ..
For a few days I kept asking about drinking.. but didn’t want to give the game away.
I always got the same response though, from Beryl the Peril – ‘ oh I never drink much, I don’t like to have to go to the loo – always too busy ‘
I reasoned that hopefully that was the root cause, but I really didn’t want a repeat at the next date.
For me, officially doubly incontinent ( tho managed ) I have to be less sensitive to bodily function stuff, and be blasé, so I was hardly going to ditch her and not say why.

So I asked if she preferred direct address rather than fruitless beating around the bush, when it came to the imparting of quite vital information ( in this case, critical for her to know, lets face it.. before she found herself ostracised… and im serious, because it was that bad )

So I explained, downplaying the level of toxicity quite a bit, and again labelling dehydration as the likely cause.
If I had awful breath, I hope someone would tell me. If YOU have awful breath, I hope someone has the humanity to tell you. If you really wanna know, nip round mine and I’ll be honest..

Well her ( prolonged ) reaction was, well, hostile. I mean, talk about ‘ shoot the messenger’. The messenger wasn’t so much shot, as torn from limb to limb, and then his pets killed.
I was called brain damaged, unkind and spiteful. She was apparently tired of ‘ spiteful men’.
At that point I was clearly in a no win situation – take it back and admit to spite, or press on and still be judged spiteful.
Well either way I was apparently an evil man, but at least if I didn’t back down I might save her social life. …
So I didn’t back down. I was just factual ( but downplayed the ‘ knockout factor ‘ of said breath )

We actually met again, though she stayed a yard away ( maybe mercifully ). Still though she labelled me unkind.

What she hadn’t admitted ( and I don’t know why ) was that she actually had toothache, and had also even fainted.. 3 times. Derrrr.. a connection maybe? Tbh its a wonder I didn’t faint when I breathed it in.. but im made of sterner stuff, clearly.

So a ‘ horrible’ dental infection was diagnosed.. and treated.

Now if you ask me, as embarrassing as it may have been for her ( and no, it wasnt for me ) I did her a big favour. What if she’d fainted whilst driving? Death to her and others, id imagine.

Rather than thanks, I got hostility for telling her. Apparently I shouldn’t have. But clearly she had no clue. …

In the to and fro, it all got a bit insulting.
I was evil … and spiteful… and she had Death/Shit Breath. I mean if someone is going to call me that enough times, im going to hit back.
By then, this relationship clearly wasnt going to go anywhere! 😂

She’s met another fella, and thanks to me, he wont politely excuse himself and scarper.

I stand by what I did – either way it would end, but at least I saved her from social distancing until she crashed and died.

Ahh my life of Do Gooding.
It goes on!

2 thoughts on “The Perils!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *