All posts by Russ

GB Canoeing..

Events

.. Came to Stoke Mandeville last night with some kayak indoor ergo race machines. 

Stuart and the physios lifted me on to have a try. 
It took two people to stop me falling off whilst I had a go….. 
2 years ago I won the Over 35’s UK Championship on the same machine. 
Now I can’t even sit on the bloody thing. 
That’s a little hard to swallow really. 
But at least I had a go 🙂

A few responses to my earlier post.

Events
D’you know Russ…I’m actually quite reassured to see you being a bit blue today. Regardless of what Americans might like us to think, all this never ending positivity is not healthy. If you’re laughing everyone feels more comfortable right? It’s hard to be with someone you care about if they are crying. Our instinct is to fix things and right now…we can’t….better to offer a punchline and get you smiling than let you just ‘be’…..sometimes – absolutely – but not always. It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself.

You’re honest insight is making all of us better people. 

By the way – NEVER read a comments page. If I read the comments at the base of every article I write, I’d have given up writing and become a school caretaker, shuffling about in an overcoat and daring not to look up at anyone.It’s hard – but if you put yourself on that there big fat internet thing, this will ALWAYS happen. I bet even Mandela had more than his fair share of anonymous sniping twats too.

You are MAGNIFICENT.

I always love the Maya Angelou quote: “People don’t remember what you say. They remember how you made them feel.” Thinking of you makes us smile. It always did. It always will. That’s why you are so utterly wonderful.
xx
Ps…Im enormously flattered that I managed to get so many different words for vagina on your site.


And another:

hello my friend
 
I pick up all kinds of stuff from your blog from pubic grooming trends to the complexities of bowel hygiene and life as a paraplegic.
I laugh a lot, I often cry, I always admire your openness and honesty.
I have never felt that you are arrogant
 
I often wonder why people like ‘Babs M’ say stuff like that as it is hurtful and I suspect it will stay with you a while. I think it is because s/he is unhappy and aggrieved and has not been ‘heard’ or acknowledged (in the way that s/he sees that your blog is allowing you to be?). Anyway, s/he will think what s/he wants  – probably irrespective of what you say. Perhaps you could channel Mandela and respond with compassion : invite him/her to come and have a cuppa with you?
 
Whatever – please don’t change,
 
love and respect
xxxxxx 

Another:
 
Who is this Babs lady? What’s her issue? Don’t let her get to you xx

And

Darling you are anything but arrogant! Strong, courageous, inspiring, determined and FUN are a few words to spring to my mind! Ignorant- that’s Babs M who they bloody are, please don’t let someone who clearly has no clue about who you are upset you! I’d like to see how they cope in your situation. 
Rant over, how are you? I’m currently sitting in the uni library trying to motivate my self to write my proposal, I turned to your blog for inspiration! 
Big hug xxxx
Ps: tell Bab m if they have a problem come and talk to me #dontmesswithpregnanthormonalwomen

How am I ?

Events

I hear and read again and again that from here on I have a choice. 

I can be miserable/ angry/ frustrated for the rest of my life, or
I can accept what I’ve got left and be happy. 
Simple, right?
The first option is the easy one. 
Every day on waking your first realisation is that you still  can’t feel or use ANYTHING from tummy button downwards – nothing, zilch – no use to you at all. 
The second is the feeling of almost overwhelming sadness that it’s like this. 
( I can’t jump out of bed, go to the loo, get dressed quickly, bounce downstairs , kiss my wife and girls, go outside into the shed, pull my kayak off the rack, stick it on my car and go…. Or get on my bike, or chase the girls around the house or make tea and bring it upstairs for Dani and I – none of those normal things are anywhere near possible. )
What I can do is, for now, wait for someone ( Dani, or here the nurse ) to offer to help me. That’s to get me onto a ‘shower ( commode ) chair to wheel to the loo, whereupon I instigate the bowel regime, followed by a wheel over to the shower, still in the same chair  and wash myself. Then a wheel back, and more help into the bed  then 20 minutes to get dressed, then into my proper wheelchair for the day. 
Getting to the point where all that becomes ‘fine’ is apparently achievable. 
That’s only the very start to the day. 
I’ve not really DONE anything yet. 
Not faced the world, contributed in any way to anybody or any thing. 
I’ll have to get into a car, drive to work, do my job professionally, be the Boss, and get home again afterwards. 
These things at the moment seem unachievable. 
There’s someone that I don’t actually know that reads my blog and has twice accused me, via the Comments option, of being arrogant. 
If she ( Babs M? ) knew the pain and sadness I feel currently almost all of my waking moments perhaps she wouldn’t use that word. She obviously doesn’t KNOW me at all. 
If my writings have come across that way then I’m sorry. I think it’s called putting on a brave face. If she’s getting the wrong end of the stick regularly, perhaps she shouldn’t read it? Insulting me hits pretty hard.
 Well done if that’s actually her objective. 
Who knows?
Last night 13 of my staff and colleagues took me out for a Xmas curry close to here. Thanks all, it was fun, tho my voice felt weak and slurred all night. 
It’s hard for me to have them see my like this, and I’m sure hard for them too. 
However, they were all lovely. 
Thanks to Jana for organising and to Scott, Ina and Irinder for driving me back and forth. 
So… Wallow in misery or get on with life?
I know the ideal, but carrying it out is a million times harder than writing it down. 

Events

Loved seeing Kev today, always a breath of fresh air. 

He seems to always bring a beautiful woman with him, though rarely the one he married….
Today it was the ever glam Sally. We had a pretty interesting and varied chat to be honest! Details best left out of this diary perhaps but all good. 
They brought lunch, which went down a treat. 
Then I saw Dani (always brightens my life) and Ruth ( about 2 stones lighter than the last time I saw her!) Ruth is a very funny and smart lady. 
It’s good that quite a few people have said that my accident has made then reassess their own lives, perhaps deciding that their priorities need repositioning. 
If good has come from such an awful thing then it helps to address the imbalance that brings me down daily. 
Thanks Ruth. 🙂

An apology.

Events

A couple of days ago I made light of the unfortunate and tragic condition of dementia. 

It was insensitive. 
I suppose I club myself, living with this, alongside other ‘victims of health misfortunes’ so as part of the same ‘club’ am able to joke about ‘us’ as a section of society. 
That was wrong of me, I’m sure. 
Sorry to anyone offended. 
I’ll limit my attempts at humour to only those with the same condition as myself in future.