I’ve realised perhaps where my girls get it from.

Q. Which warriors believed their dead went to Valhalla?

Dani: Do you mean Van Halen?

Q. What kind of creature was Rikki-Tikki-Tavi ?

Dani: Ricky Dicky Derby? Never heard of him….

Meanwhile..

What Scandinavian country has a flag with a blue background and a Scandinavian cross?

Amber: Pakistan?

My right leg has been going crazy quite a lot today. I think that in the process of getting the right boot on, my fourth toe may have been bent double, and stayed that way for 8 hours. It’s looking a not healthy colour at the moment and my right leg is very animated…

My tummy has gone back to being super super sensitive to the lightest touch.

Sleep tonight may not be plentiful

I’ve had worse first days on the snow since my  reinvention as a satdownskier.  The  overly priced ski poles that I bought from America, at first seemed totally bemusingly useless in every way and on the first turn I piled off the edge of the piste and into the grass and mud headfirst and semi upside down. Having my in fact usual optimism ( that isn’t always apparant ) that immediate crash led to a massive disappointment. As my spasms had returned with a vengeance in the night, and continued ever since, along with a return of the extreme tenderness of my stomach, I could have done without a terrible start to be honest.   My guide ( who had NOT recommended ‘ American stab’s ‘ ) suddenly seemed to have been justified. He skied me down, basically ‘ driving me along ‘ and onto the chairlift, and there we had a conversation about reverting to the French stab’s.  I’d had a pretty good look at the construction of the stab’s but I’d missed, as had J-J the guide, an Alun key adjustable screw  that transformed the things from f’ing useless to pretty passable , and that was  the effect on my satdownskiig.  Extraordinarily the stab’s had come with no guide  to adjustment, you were supposed to just work it out…. especially noticing the all important screw that was in a recess and virtually invisible.

I’d brought my own pre injury carving skis ( that I loved ) and they were now the pair that I was ‘on ‘.  The psychological effect of seeing something familiar below me was a positive for sure.

Thereafter it steadily got better,  really . The snow now is basically kind of hard’ish slush, but it does give my skis and pole-skis some traction,  though is totally different to stuff I’ve been sat down on before. Just like regular skiing, you have to get used to different snow and the way you have to ski on it, though it’s a damn sight easier when you have two legs that work, two skis that you can adjust independently, and a trunk that you can move in a variety of directions ( please no elephants- on -skis jokes ).  I continued to fall over, but less often, and my last run was my best – a thing that hasn’t happened before!

Somebody also found Amber’s phone in the snow and I beat Lily at Trivial Pursuits ( yes, she had the  kids’ questions and me the grown up ones )

So on reflection though not a great  day by a long, long stretch, it could’ve been worse, and should ( in theory ) get better.

Right?

As usual my optimism was unfounded and I spawned all night long.

So I start my ski feeling jaded and tired.

At least I’m familiar with that.

Having no instructor to help me/ pull me up when I crash and end up upside down, I couldn’t sitski in the first day. Lily kept me company and Dani and Amber skied for a few hours.

It wasn’t long before Amber had lost her phone…. not the first time that has happened. Never mind, it’s only a thing.

Tomorrow I get to start at 9am and hopefully get a few hours, it being only a half day opportunity for me.

My spasms have stopped. For the first time in many months touching my lower stomach region doesn’t result in my legs jerking. That’s a bloody relief I can tell you. I don’t take it for granted that it will last, but dearly hope that it will.

I’m glad that the British education system is doing my daughters proud.

We played a bit of Trivial Pursuits this morning.

‘ What bodily part do invertebrates NOT have? ‘

Amber (12) : Arms?

‘Which British city do Glaswegians come from?’

Lily (14)  : Glaswegia?

‘People who have hydrophobia are afraid of what?’

Amber : Spiders?

I think that girls these days perhaps take more notice of adverts and fashion than they do their teachers..

Amber : ‘ How long til we get to the Chanel Tunnel….?’

Good Lord

We left London at 4.50am, for France.

Dani was driving.

Having got to Felixstowe, there were no signs for the Channel Tunnel.

We then drove 131 miles to Folkstone, and found that there were lots of signs for it there….

As the cause of my spasming is almost definitely in part yet another UTI, at least I know what’s bloody happening to me. The not knowing is mentally very frustrating ( to put it mildly ).

I do what I can at work despite my distractions and hope that I am contributing. Tonight I gave a talk on the slightly forgotten art of fitting and aftercare of RGP’s ( Rigid Gas Permeable contact lenses ) … Ah the racy, secret world of optometrists  revealed….As I’m quite old I remember when a lot of people wore ‘ hard lenses’ and as a consequence I know what to do.. which is FAR more complicated than modern disposable soft lenses.

I had no spasms today til about 4 o’clock. The optimistic ( still alive ) side of me was so relieved. Obviously it couldn’t last, and they continued into the evening.

Again alcohol seems to have helped. I don’t drink that often as I know it’s not  best practice for anyone, but it does  seem to work.

Maybe once I live alone I’ll take solace in the bottle ( but I doubt it ).  I think alcoholism is at least mostly genetic and there isn’t any history in my family background.

Alone in a bar again I’m ok ( a worrying sign perhaps ). I can’t imagine a future long term alone though – I don’t think I can survive the solitude.

They just called to say that they tested the urine I sent in a few days ago and that I have another UTI so they can’t do the procedure today.

Cursed, you see.

My spasms have been almost omnipresent for a while now. They do suffenly stop sometimes, but despite keeping a detailed food, drink and medication diary, I’m none the wiser than I was.

Having said that, as inserting catheters now leads to violent leg jerks I think that I have an internal condition or injury. Tomorrow I go for an endoscopy ( so called because they stick a scope in your end…) which may reveal the source of my frustration. Christ, I hope so. as for many reasons I could just do with a break.

Despite recent developments we actually still intend driving to France on the weekend for what I imagine will be our last ski trip as a family, and our first one proper one post accident  I do really want to be able to see and hear my girls on the snow, as I thought I never would again.

My leg jerking  continues to make driving dangerous as I need one hand on my crazy leg(s) and the other steering/accelerating/ braking and indicating.  Dani may therefore do ( and wants to do, perhaps understandably ) most of the driving

I’ve kidded Amber into thinking the Channel Tunnel train is like Disneyland on rails/ underground this week, which is a bit mean. As she is in yet more trouble at school ( for ordering a take away pizza to be delivered in lesson times ?! ) perhaps she deserves it..

I am now actually looking forward to trying sitski’ing again as I did receive my new poles/hand skis which do seem far better made than those that I have used up to now. Perhaps I’ll get the control I need..

Thank you to quite a few concerned people that have been in touch these last few days. There is unlikely to be any change in the ‘decision’ but it’s good to hear from you anyway.

Sleeping tablets ( I know , not good ) have helped.

Great to see Mike Smith  tonight.  Top boy.

I remember when I went away to compete in the Yukon 1000 canoe race, in 2009, that I had 3 pictures laminated and stuck to the deck in front of me. It was possible that anything might happen in that wilderness race, from simply drowning to being eaten alive by a bear.

The 3 pictures were of Dani, Lily and Amber. They smiled at me the whole way, a total of 115 hours of time spent in the boat.

I always had a tactic in other races – that if I felt low I would think of my girls, and it would rescue me.

Whilst driving I used to be prone to being a bit hot headed, so I stuck a picture of Lily on my dashboard, and I’d look at that if ever I felt annoyed with some other motorist’s attitude.

More recently, post injury, up until probably a year ago,  when I felt the darkness all around me and wanted out, I’d think of my wife and children crying at my funeral and it would stop me in my tracks and make things more tolerable.

Now, I have no tactic.