I’ve had a full on week, and sort of accepted that my compromised body can’t really take it, at least not currently.

Ive seen various long term lovely mates, such as Kev, Pia and Mike S, a lovely ex Colleague in Catherine, and met some newer friends in Cecilie and Jolante. I seem to end up in conversation that’s a lot more meaningful than the superficial stuff I engaged in pre injury, when life was so simple. That doesn’t mean it’s deep and dull, as it’s not – I still  mess about and take the p***, though much more about myself, and my frontal lobe concussion makes me even less inhibited than pre injury ( and that’s saying something ) Also, I definitely decline to  meet up with anyone that isn’t open minded about discussing things like a grown up , or is liable to take offence over trivial things, as I definitely only want positivity and not controversy or hostility  in my life.

I find that I tend to say it as it is more now than before, I think on the basis that I have it so bad and have done for so long, that other people’s problems can seem so trifling by comparison, and that I can politely point that out. I think most people definitely understand that, when they look me in the eye and talk to me in person, though the media of texting and emailing is liable to misinterpretation from any side, one’s level of sensitivity/misinterpretation depending on one’s OWN state of mind when one opens the email or text.

I went to the cinema with Pia, but promptly fell asleep and missed most of it. I think it’s just fatigue from irregular sleep with lots of interruption from spasms that reduces the quality of slumber drastically, but sometimes I feel such an overwhelming desire to fall asleep that I wonder if I have narcolepsy ( as has a friend of mine, as of late, and as did an uncle of mine )

I am on so many bloody tablets that I guess anything is possible though, in terms of my level of alertness. At the last 2 RGS lectures, where the lights are low and it’s quite warm, I’ve had to resort to poking myself in the ear to keep myself awake, that being quite a painful area and a lot more worthwhile than poking myself in my leg, or even my balls.

This week I taught someone to put in her contact lenses, this lady having tried and failed to do it for a year or two, and wearing lenses can be quite life changing, or at the very least make you look a lot better in a posh dress.  She wrote …

Good evening Mr D,

I can’t tell you how happy and grateful I am that you showed me the lens thing yesterday. I tried again today. It didn’t happen until 2pm as I kept postponing  it. And it took 30 min but I feel I am sort of getting the hang of it now.  At the moment I just love not having to deal with those annoying glasses. So Thank you so much again!!! you are a star and very patient too!!!!

I’ve never failed to teach anyone how to do it, in fact, so if you want me to teach you, just ask me.  I don’t do home visits, so you’d have to come to me.

Actually that’s not true completely – I did fail with my mate, Larry, who started trembling before he even got the lens out of the packet. I was on a skiing holiday at the time, and the alternative to persisting was a cold beer in the bar, so no competition really. I did manage to get Larry in a headlock and force it into his eye at some later point ( probably after the beers on another night )

Another close friend has adopted my diet and exercise advice, to the letter, and lost 11 pounds in 2 weeks, so she’s also quite chuffed. Again I’m very happy to impart a bit of wisdom there, but only if you actually stick to the plan I give you, as that’s always the sticking point – people want to lose weight but don’t want to give up their bad eating addictions, and ‘no exercise’ regimens. I can tell straight away if someone is a lost cause, as they immediately dispute dietary advice, proclaiming themselves experts ( despite being very overweight ).

I’ve been very proactive in contacting various venues to find out about wheelchair spaces to see bands, as no ticket sites seem to offer accessible tickets. You have to contact the venue and do it through them.  The good news is that your carer ( mate ) gets in for free…. and it’s free drinks all night, too.

I’ve got  several dates almost fixed for the next 6 months, feeling the need to catch up on lost time.

Okay so I lied about the free drinks, but I have noticed that security NEVER ask to search a bag attached to my chair….. not that I’d ever take advantage of that situation, being as pure as the driven snow, me.

Very cool talk by 5 lovely ladies last night. All part of the Coxless Crew that rowed the Pacific.

They planned on 6 months, but it took them 9 months.

None of them looked like the type of girl that would row the Pacific – all were more ballet than hockey girls.

In common with Astronaut selection criteria, the team was chosen more on the basis of being chilled out types than super driven athletic types.

Its no good if everyone rows as hard as they can, but fall out with each other after a fortnight at sea.

I know from my Yukon 1000 mile experience that having an extremely chilled, non confrontational partner to defuse my testosterone fuelled approach, really does ensure tolerance and harmony ( and race completion )  in the boat.

There were lots of sensible questions at the end, by the audience.

I thought more laterally, and asked how often they thought about sex whilst at sea?

The most  innocent looking one said ‘ it’s the last thing you think about, out there in the vast ocean ‘ and the other one ( more of a twinkle in her eye )  said ‘ I’m not gonna lie, it was quite a lot ‘

Then I asked the obvious ‘ does coxless refer to the fact that you’re all female, or something to do with having no coxswain in the boat?’

Twinkle said ‘ it’s whatever you want to make of it…’

They all loved the experience, but never, ever want to row again.

I recall Steve Redgrave saying that after only his 3rd Olympics.

Hi Russell,

Just to add to this we do have a wheelchair access platform for any shows you wish to go to in the future. On hugely popular shows like this they tend to fill up very fast as well as the show selling out.

Unfortunately wheelchair crowd surfing is not advised or allowed!

But access customers are more than welcome to book and come to shows. Tickets are sold on 02077 873129 subject to availability.

Thanks
Jake Edwards | Box Office Manager | O2 Academy Brixton
211 Stockwell Road, London, SW9 9SL
www.academy-music-group.co.uk

—–Original Message—–

You ever get that ‘ such n such sends their love ‘ thing?

Whenever someone asks me to send their love, for at least the last ten years, I’ve said ‘ you can send it yourself if you like ‘and offered a phone number to text or call.

Curiously, at that point hardly anyone has taken me up on the offer of the phone number?  That implies to me that they weren’t that concerned whether the love got sent or not, rather that it was just something that they said to appear polite or caring.

I get ‘ sent’ lots of love by quite a few people that I’ve not seen or heard from since my accident. Of course I nod and smile and ask for mine to be sent back, knowing that that won’t happen anyway.

It is all a bit false, isn’t it?

I sent this email, just now, to a venue in Brixton :

Hi,

Pre paralysis I regularly saw bands at Brixton.

I’d like that to resume!

How do I find out about ticket availability for wheelchair plus carer?

I was always at the front in the mosh pit… but I accept that that isn’t allowed in a wheelchair…
Is wheelchair crowd surfing ok?

I want to attend as many gigs as I can.

Emilie Sande is there on March 21st… and I’d definitely like to book that, but also gigs before then.

Get back to me?

Russ

Sent from my iPhone 8.2 prototype.

So I don’t have a UTI.

Whilst that’s good, I’m left with what the hell is it this time?

When it’s like this I just question it all again.
I think about the simplicity and wonder of just being normal, and everyone taking that for granted. You only get it once it’s gone, that’s for sure. Even when it’s threatened, you don’t get it, your optimism stops you from believing it can actually be taken away.

My bloated middle seems to stare at me, and my twitching legs taunt me. I’ve seen my daughters for just moments this weekend – which is sad for me.

Hopefully sleep will reset my mindset.

Forgot to say thanks to Jo for her help and company last night. I owe you one.

The spasms have increased to such an extent that  I’ve called 111 again and requested a doctor to call in, with yet another course of drugs for me.

It seems that whatever I do that’s a positive, is tested again by fate almost straight away, to knock me over.

My stomach is bloated again, my speech slurred, and my fortitude stretched.

If I was religious, I think I’d have lost belief in God already.

From my non stop spasms, I’m gambling on having another UTI, rather than my fixation coming loose again, and hoping that the appropriate antibiotic will fix it.

I am also extremely tired, and just fell asleep in my chair for 20 minutes, which I think is a first. As I’m strapped into the bloody thing, I can’t fall out of it .

However, who knows?!

As I can’t reach my legs any more, I can’t get to them to move them around and stretch them in different directions, and they seem to have gone extremely stiff as a consequence, and even put on muscle. further adding to the weight of them.

It was great to see James C, and Mary on Friday- time seems to go faster now that I’ve cheered up… and I keep myself occupied doing constructive things all of the time ( not that falling asleep counts as constructive )

Anna, my morning carer, says that spending time with me doesn’t actually feel like work, such is the fun that we have… when I then asked if I could stop paying her, she replied very diplomatically ‘ that if that was financially possible for her, then she would agree ‘   I’ll take the compliment.

My next X ray is in 2 weeks’ time, to see if anything has officially moved within my spine. If it has, then God only knows what they’d do next.

Its Xmas soon, I’ve just realised.. and I don’t know what I’ll be doing really? Life used to be so busy in the pre Xmas period, but now that seems to have altered, and I don’t really have a lot  festive  going on, as far as I know, though I am for the next week busy all of the time, both in the daytime and the evenings.

As I don’t think I’ll be allowed to go sit skiing this winter, and may or may not be spending a month in rehab in hospital, my immediate life short term life is sort of on hold.

Going to work is impossible for a few reasons, practical, political and spinal, and my restriction to only wheelchair taxis does limit my travel a bit, and there’s been a definite shift in my ‘ social circles ‘ as marital status change looms, though not through anything I’ve deliberately done – I’m too busy being positive, which is extremely welcome inside my head, and those of the friends that I see a fair bit of.

Tomorrow, I’m going to a talk by a pair that rowed the Pacific – as much a mental as it will have been a physical challenge. I did invite a mate ( Mr James C, who’s no stranger to such a challenge ) but sadly he was already committed to a talk about ante natal stuff, that Mrs C wouldn’t let him get out of….. what is it with wives?( God Bless  ‘ em, they mean well…… as well as exerting a powerful influence quite a lot of the time )

I’ll write more about that ( the rowers, not the wives  ) once I’ve listened to what they say… my days of rowing ( different pronunciation )  with wives are hopefully over.

My voice seems to have recovered enough to just about hold my own in a noisy pub. It’s only taken almost 3 and a 1/2 years  but I’m there.

Great to see Dickon, Toby, Glenn, Ian and Sam – of the Toulon 12, who pushed me around Chiswick, went to the bar for me, and in relay tipped my urine from a bottle into the loo some way across the pub. I still have a permanent catheter in, with a tap on the end of a bag. The bag fills, and I turn the tap.. the wine bottle fills and is then conveyed to the loo.

Simples.

One day in the confusion, I’ve no doubt someone will mistake the pee for wine and regret it.

I have seen that happen before, pre my injury.. it’s a Welsh rugby player thing!

I’m NFI this weekend to Danielle’s sister’s birthday event, so will find my own entertainment I’m sure. Really I ought to be taking it easy, but I’ve never been any good at that.. as a matter of principle?!

I can conclude that my email to the parents, pre party, was a good thing to have done.

I only had to talk about falling off my bike just the once, allowing me to talk about other things.

What a lovely lot of parents they are, and half of them had something in common – they were reading a Welsh bloke’s blog, in the few days preceding the party.

What were the chances of that?