Well the day started well. I slept for a few hours last night.
My left hand ached a bit until they finally took the two long Canula needles out. I think the veins in that hand have been a bit overused, these last few weeks, hence the pain yesterday.
The Canula in my right hand is fine, so they’re only using that one now.

They’ve also taken off all the sticky sensors monitoring my heart etc, so I’m almost wire free.

As my stomach is massively bloating, as my surgeon said it would post op, the pressure on the large diagonal, freshly stitched scar is increasing.
As I have partial sensation on that side, the left of my tummy button, it’s really not very comfortable at all.

I don’t get any visitors on the days I wake up from operations, as the misconception is that I must be ‘exhausted’ and ‘resting’.
I really don’t see what’s tiring about being in hospital, all you do is lie in bed, in my case doing my arm exercises every 10 minutes

The reality is that I’m just a bit lonely.

Hang on, someone’s just said they’re going to visit!
Instant fix 🙂

I came around ( to my immediate surprise, given my foreboding of very real death by anaesthesia )almost exactly 5 hours, to the minute after I’d last looked at the clock on the wall. They do have wall mounted clocks in pretty much every room, which as a fairly ‘obsessed by the time’ person, I find a help.

It was 13.29, and then it was 18.28.
My first thought was something like ‘ blimey, I’m not paranoid, I’m not imagining that the world is against me, I’m feeling pretty cheerful ? This is a polar opposite to my other experiences of ‘waking up’.

I smiled at the nurses, and I shook the hand of the anaesthetist, and of Mr Lucas, the surgeon. I also remembered everyone’s names, and did not repeat myself, not even once.

I also did not repeat myself, not even once.

Yes, that was a joke.

I remembered very vividly though, the extreme ( and I’m talking agony ) of the administration of the drug that put me to sleep. It’s delivered through a Canula into the back of my left hand, and it was like being stood on by a stiletto shoe, worn by a fat lady.
That’s not from personal experience, having not been with a dominatrix, but I wanted to try to describe it.
Being fully aware that it was going to knock me out in around 15 seconds, I knew it would soon pass, but Christ, it was a long 15 seconds, I can assure you.

They used, at my request a different anaesthetic, and far less of it, given my detailed description of my last mentally disturbed awakening, and subsequent few days of craziness.
I’m also not pressing the button that delivers more drug, unless I really need to, it all leading to loss of peristalsis and consequent constipation.

Also I did not feel any desire to look at my phone and read any messages, which was an obsession last time around.

The downside is that I realised soon that I am now paralysed down my left side, and can’t use my left arm at all.

That’s a bit of a loss…..

I’ll get used to it, I’m sure.

Ok, that was a joke ( a sick one ) too, for sure….

I’m in ICU for tonight, Dani was here for a few hours, and I was cheerful.
After an hour or so, she said that she had something bad to tell me.

Baited breath moment.. followed by ‘ I’ve crashed your car’
Obviously, my wife is one of the best drivers in the world, and faultless in every way behind the wheel – you only have to ask her and she’ll confirm that.

My face showed no reaction as she explained, badly, how she’d crashed into a large Luton van.
I listened intently as she carefully justified how it had happened, it being the fault of 3 motorcyclists quite some distance away, by the sounds of it.
Her discomfort of her confession to an element of it being actually possibly her driving error, and the torture she felt in telling me that it was actually TEN DAYS AGO, was something that I’ll relive in massive amusement for the rest of my life.

As I actually don’t care at all about cars, it wouldn’t bother me if she’d accidentally driven it off a cliff, but Dani obviously can’t relate to my complete indifference.

Obviously I mentioned that it meant that when I come out of hospital, I’ll not even have a car, further increasing my lack of mobility options.

Further visible squirming by Dani ensued.

Further internal self amusement for me.

Ha!

Given that I drive it, and steer with one hand only, holding onto a steering wheel ball, and can’t turn my body to look behind me at all, and I haven’t crashed it,or indeed my last car, in 2 years, I’ve done ok.

She did say that although the ‘collision’ was at about 3 mph, the van driver jumped out and said ‘ you’ve really hurt my neck’ …personal injury Insurance scam to follow, no doubt.

As you’ll hopefully realise, I am alive and ‘well’, though looking forward to leaving here.

These few weeks have been ok.
Quite a few people have visited me, and I’ve had some pretty lively conversations.

If anybody has a inkling to visit me, then please do – I do not need to be left alone ‘ to rest ‘
I’m not tired, I’m not exhausted, I’m upbeat and I like seeing people a lot.

Just text me to say you’re coming though.
Visitors are a bit like London buses, you know the expression – you don’t see one for ages and then 4 turn up at once…

There are no set visiting hours here, so I have all day to fill, and I really don’t get off on watching the telly.

Thanks for reading 🙂

Half an hour to go, and I just have a bad feeling about this one – no reason at all, just a feeling.

If this is my last post, then I just want to say thank you for all the love that I’ve received over the last 3 years.

To the very few that have not been so understanding, I forgive you.

I’m not a religious or superstitious type, but I just feel different about this one.

Lots of love,

Russ

All cleared out, and flat stomach once more.
It’s 3.15 am and I’m still awake.
My op is at 1 pm and then I’ll wake 5/6 hours after that.
In Wales we say ‘I hope I don’t wake up dead ‘
I hope I don’t either. Or it’ll have been all a bit pointless.

Now closing eyes.

So yesterday Dani came and I ( with help ) got from bed to wheelchair, and she gave me a push into the sun and fresh’ ish air of central London. It was midday
My loyal mate, Russ S came too ( and stayed til he and I went back to the hospital.
I am allowed out, in small doses ( though they don’t actually say how long for )
Just as well, since we got back at 9pm.
Being in the chair is, just by itself, tiring but is all the rehab I need, for now.
I burn calories using an NSD Powerball and a Powerspin device, both harder than me going to the very small hospital gym with a physio here. She would only give me easy strength exercise to do, so I’d rather do my own thing tbh, and she gets that, so she’s not offended.

Thanks, Russ for your amusing company, and the shandy, and thanks to Marky P for the other shandy, and for Aaminah and Saf for coming to see me only a few days after their wedding day. I used to test Aaminah’ s eyes, from the age of 14 ( her, not me – that wouldn’t be allowed ) and that sort of ‘inspired’ her to come and work for me, and end up with a full time optical career. Now she’s a friend, too.

It’s fair to say that I slept pretty heavily last night, after what was to by aching body, a hard day.

Those iBot’s then. Is it only me, and small boys, that thinks they’re pretty cool?

https://race-nation.com/sponsor/e/54342

If anyone would like to sponsor my buddy, D Stainer, whose colleagues were killed by terrorists in Paris recently, above is the link.

Just seen the undoubtedly talented little person, Ellie Simmons, win Gold in the Paralympics.
That’s fantastic. She’s a great girl, and still only 21.

In the same race, the 200m medley where you do 4 lengths, each a different stroke, there was a lady who had no arms at all, and was actually leading at half way.

For a start, how can someone with no arms even swim at all, let alone do the crawl, breaststroke? Then there’s the length of butterfly – that’s just actually not possible, literally, without arms.

How can that lady be in the same race as people with 2 arms and 2 legs, even short ones by virtue of dwarfism?

That’s surely, surely not fair.

Or is it just me that thinks like that?

Ok, so two op’s down, and one to go.
Friday the 16th at 1pm is the time, and they’re very punctual here.

So, today was a bit of a shock.
I went out, in the afternoon, with a lovely lady called Eva ( Pia’s Mum, in fact )

Having had my wheelchair adjusted fairly majorly by my incredibly helpful buddy, Rob Stainsby, under, if you like, my supervision, it being myself that knows what’s wrong with the chair now, and how I imagine it should feel when I’m in it ( God, long sentence already ) I today tried it out, albeit with Eva actually doing the pushing.
We went outside, and she bought me a 99 ( with flake ) as have a number of people before her – do like ice cream ( not gonna lie )

It dawned on me that, despite me still not having the correct adjustments, that I am now so incredibly fixed in one position, that there is so much more that I cannot do. I fear that I’m going to need help with lots more things than I did before.
I have, for example, a wheelchair bag that dangles underneath my chair, that I lean forward to access with my right hand.
We went into a shop and I wanted to buy something. I tried to lean forward and reach it with my hand, and realised that I couldn’t touch it. Neither could I reach the bag that is behind me, on the back of my chair.
Yes, I hear you say, but you can put the bag in a different place! Yes that’s indeed true, but the facts remain that now I no longer have a back that flexes ( at all ) means that twisting my body is no longer possible ( at all ).
That makes all sorts of things nigh on impossible – as in even bloody more impossible than they were already. Having watched the Paralympics, I would now not be able to do anything other than archery or shooting.

That’s a pretty depressing thought, isn’t it? All the crap I’ve gone through, and I end up worse off … PLUS my spasms have NOT gone – though they may yet after Friday’s operation.
So now I’m a bit f******. They can’t take it out, because I needed it done, or I did eventually, for sure, or I’d be at 45 degrees after a few more years, but I’m overall worse off than I was.

To my own surprise, I didn’t just break down, having just met a guy called Keith Pritchard, who was also paralysed.
A fellow South Walian bloke, like me, poor Keith had developed Multiple Sclerosis twenty five years ago. MS is a horrible condition that is often so progressive to the point where you really can’t do anything at all, and you die of one complication, or another.MS is something that any one of us can just wake up with, male or female. I could even get it as well as being paralysed already – now there’s a thought. Keith, who did give me his permission to write about him, was now in a situation where he wouldn’t be able to self propel a chair so either needed a pusher or a power (electric) chair. He’s been like that for quite a while, so he bought something called an iBot, for 23k, in 2002.
It’s not the first time at all that I’ve seen pictures, or film clips, of an iBot, but I knew that they’d gone out of production, as basically they couldn’t sell enough to make it viable.
I have to say, that it’s one thing seeing a video, but it’s altogether different seeing one in action. Keith just happened to be coming in my direction, floating on only 2 wheels, so I stopped him to chat about him and his ‘chair’.
Being Welsh, he was a lovely guy…. and with a very quiet voice due to his lack of lung power, through MS induced paralysis of his diaphragm.
I asked him to demo his iBot to me, as in to do a few tricks. I have to say that I was amazed. It can go up, onto 2 wheels, and then go up further still ( but still move along ) with the rider being 6 foot tall.
It spins around on the spot, and can travel at 5mph on two wheels, and 10mph on four wheels. It’s impossible for it to tip over, as is totally self balancing whatever the terrain. You could rush up and give him a shove, and rather than it fall over, it senses you immediately so that it feels you’ve run headlong into a brick wall. Incredibly it can go up a flight of 22 steps, with no danger of tipping over (okay, so the loft and and spiral staircases are still out, but they are already, so that’s cool).

The good news is that I knew that Toyota, as in the car maker, had teamed up with the original inventor, and had already announced that they’d be bringing it back, but with the benefit of endless funds and a decade or more of tech progress.

Click the link to have a read
http://www.theverge.com/circuitbreaker/2016/5/23/11744714/ibot-wheelchair-toyota-dean-kamen-revival

In the wheelchair community, there’s an etiquette thing, that you only have an electric chair if you can’t propel your own with your arms. Now that I have lost all spine flexibility, it drastically reduces the amount of power that I can put into a push on my wheel rims.
Also, I don’t give a flying f*** about the ‘rules’, as well as the fact that I don’t think anybody that has ever met me would call me lazy.

I think that this thing is my future.

I video’d Keith, in his iBot.
Click that link too.

I have asked my surgeon if this is how it’s going to be, and he said that I’ll get used to it… so I asked him if that meant some flex would return. He said no, and that he and his guys had deliberated about me and what to do, but that they had no choice.
So that, is definitely that.

Hi Russ,
Firstly, it would be lovely to meet up with you again. Let’s do it!

You’re so much more of an example to many than you can imagine, believe me. I can’t begin to imagine how the last 3 years have been for you, if only to speculate how the world must appear in your eyes. Working with you first time around left me with deep impressions, not only from a traumatic perspective but also from your incredible resilience.

When you told ********** and I that you’d considered suicide, I felt shocked but then I had to stop myself and really understand what you’d been through. I can only reassure you and comprehend these feelings as somewhat ‘normal’ throughout the course of your recovery; unacceptable in the grand scheme of things but ‘normal’ as a reaction to a major life event. People really don’t know their own strength until life really tests them in one way or another..and to me this may define life more than for those who have never suffered any form of hardship. I’m not trying to play down anything but, in answer to your comment about remembering you, your amazing strength to move forward was impressionable to say the least. And it shows to this day, especially having seen you on ITU straight after your op and the subsequent days following.

I will keep an eye on your blog; I’d like to see how you’re doing. I also wish you all the best for your second op tomorrow. I’ll be back in London from 12th sept, in any case let’s arrange something..I’ll get ******* to come along too!

Stay strong as you are, Russ. Love to you and your family.

**** 🙂

So it’s been one extreme to the other.
Horribly constipated and looking 4 months pregnant, to shi****g myself no less than TEN times in 30 hours.

I now have a flat stomach ( which tbh paraplegics of my level, shouldn’t have )
So that’s good?

Watched some Paralympics here, on the telly. Speaking as someone who is now properly disabled, I do wonder about the criteria for inclusion in the Games.
I don’t see how having been born with one hand missing, makes you particularly disadvantaged on a bicycle that doesn’t even have brakes …? Having ridden a bike with one hand in a plaster cast for a week ( just before my crash in June ’13 ) I can confirm that it makes very little difference to cycling at speed…

And the guy playing just incredible table tennis holding the bat in his mouth, because he’s got no arms … why is he pitched against guys with all four limbs, albeit one leg that’s a bit dodgy?

BUT….

The Chinese girl with one leg, winning the swim, and she’s called Lim Ping? Surely not?!
They didn’t even make a joke, f’ing PC world ?

( no, not PC World where you bought a printer, I meant Politically Correct world )

Operation now scheduled for Friday.
Five days til that, then wake up mentally deranged til the following Tuesday, go through constipation then the Grand Release, and then the option of some time here, or in North London ( for some specialist rehab for a few days/ weeks ) and then home.

Thanks to all my very nice visitors that I’ve had – it really does take the edge off.

X x ‘s to all of those.