Yet again a Bad night of spasms , tho I did get 5 hours sleep. My spasms have Changed. They are hard to interpret. It’s a code without an obvious solution. Certain spasms mean certain things you get to realise, but you may get a spasm that goes on for hours before the ‘reason’ occurs.
It’s very depressing for sure.
And I’m getting nightmares featuring my two daughters still. They are the ages they were at the time of my injury. They are angry and shouting at me. It’s very distressing. I don’t usually have dreams so this is new.
I’m in a hole for sure, that I’ve been in for 6 weeks pretty much.
I have some lovely friends that have been there along the way. Their presence helps to ease the pain but definitely doesn’t make it go away. Thank you to Leigh and Bev, to Chris, to Charlie, to Kerry too. And to my Mum who is always trying her utmost, and to my brother Stu. It’s good to know I still have family. And of course to Gina.
Jesus I try. It’s not like I just give up. Tonight I’ve gone to a gig. By myself. I’m cold, it’s wet and it’s in North London. I know that if I don’t go and use my ticket(s) I’ll consider myself having failed, so I do go, despite my thoughts saying ‘ what’s the fing point?’
The Pigeon Detectives are always quite something and maybe they’ll lift me. I hope So. I need sleep and no nightmares.