Thanks to Piran, my regular canoe partner, for his trek to see me today. 

We had so little time, squeezing a visit in between a full on day of SM stuff. 
I’m getting marginally better at things ( about time ) so can see an end point, dimly. 
I’ve thought a lot recently about how people in chairs are perceived. 
I’ve imagined friends of mine ‘incapacitated’ and then wondered if I’d think any differently of them. 
Funny enough, it’s generally my ‘heroes’ that I’ve thought about. I’ve never had heroes in perhaps the traditional ‘ boy’s ‘ sense, instead I’ve had people that I know as my inspirational figures. 
Dan, my brothers, my father, Larry, Billy F, Piran, Dickie I, James Randall,  James C, Rob, Ian Matthews  to name a few here, mostly (but not all ) sporting types admittedly, whom I’ve seen at first hand suffering in silence, perservering through adversity. 
Of course, envisaging any of them in chairs , in my mind’s eye, has not ‘lessened’ them at all, in fact in some way it’s elevated my hypothetical  mental opinion of them. 
When I try to apply that logic to myself it doesn’t seem to apply. Daft I know, but true. I can only see myself as less than before, in terms of presence, stature, relevance, importance, everything really. 
I’ve already said that that doesn’t make sense in my own mindset of logic, perhaps I need to ‘achieve’ something in my new incarnation first to be comfortable with it. 
There are guys, and girls here, far younger than me, whose future is far from guaranteed. I feel so much for them, single, devoid often of lower sensation or movement. 
Where does that leave their future?
To me, they’re all incredible, but what will become of them once they leave here?
Will they marry, be parents, work, be happy?
Statistically they’ll be ok, but they must wonder how?
I hope they make it through this. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.