June 26th 2015

Last night I fell out of my chair.
I tipped back, to get over a doorway threshold, thinking a friend was holding the handles, but they weren’t.
I hit the back of my head pretty hard, and my left elbow too.

It was in a crowded bar, all seated.
I’d already felt pretty self conscious, as it seemed like half of them had to get up and move, just for me to get through.

Then when I went flying, I found myself sprawled on the floor.
I can feel my head and arms, but lots of the rest of me I can’t, so when I opened my eyes I remember thinking ‘ what are my legs doing over there?’

I’ve not fallen out in public before, and it felt awful.
I felt helpless ( and I was ).

Of course my mates picked me up and put me back in the chair, but the damage was done and I didn’t really recover after that.

When I got back at about 11.15, I just completely broke down, and cried probably more than, and for longer, than I ever have.
I don’t want my daughters to have half a dad, and that thought wouldn’t go away, and won’t now, this morning.

I suppose the argument is that half a dad is better than no dad….. But the Voice in my head says that the memory of the Whole dad is preferable to having what they’ve got now.

3 thoughts on “June 26th 2015

  1. Russ, love, as Alwyn said, you’re far from being half a Dad. Your heart is whole and speaking as a daughter, that’s what you want from your Dad – his love and support. (Wisdom and advice are always useful too, as are the famous ‘Dad’s Taxi Service’ and an occasional cheeky tenner slipped you behind Mum’s back.)

    Your girls are so luck y to have you as a Dad, to look after them, keep them safe and strong and be there for the tears and tantrums of the teenage years. Girls need great Dads. You are one. Not half. x

  2. Dear Russ, it’s so upsetting to hear how badly this has affected you. I can’t claim to even come close to understanding how it makes you feel. I can however relate to falling over in a bar. While not in a chair (although that’s happened too, but clearly a different type of chair), I remember it being a much bigger deal for me personally than it was for anyone else in the bar. Russ, you’re not half a Dad, or half of anything. No one thinks of you that way, certainly not your girls. You are the same man (but a lot more sensitive) we all know and love, just badly injured. This won’t be the last time you fall and we are all here to pick you back up. Take care bro, Alwyn

    1. It was a low point, for sure, and my breakdown took me by surprise, to be honest.

      Sometimes I really don’t want to be here.

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