It was a lovely Xmas, spent not really doing very much.

In days gone by, I made a point every Xmas Day of going for a run, or a canoe, as a point of principle.

It definitely got on my wife’s nerves, that routine.
This year, in my new life, circumstances have rather cramped my style in that respect , so indoors I stayed, missing the old days, sure, but also NOT missing the non stop smiling of my children, as they loved every minute of the day.
I can’t help but think about how it almost was – me not here at all, dying in France, as I oh so nearly did.
My girls may have spent their Xmas day in tears, missing their Dad.

That’s a painful thought to even contemplate.

My youngest daughter has that rare gift of unselfishness and charity.

She’d rather give her pocket money to good causes, or for buying others gifts than spend it on herself.

She’s asked if we can go round the houses and collect money for Battersea Dogs and Cats Home.
I looked online to see what the official requirements are.
So you need to be over 18 ( I am ) and have a licence from the council.
It takes at least a month, by which time I’ll be in America….

At the risk of arrest,we’ll get a tin and take our chances out there on the streets. If you see a little girl and a bloke in a wheelchair collecting pennies around Chiswick, it’s not ‘official’ but it’ll all get to Battersea.
If you’re moved to help Amber’s cause and donate yourself and then tell me you have, and maybe how much ( optional ) then it’ll make a little girl very happy.

And that’ll make me smile too.

Today I really missed being able to pick my children up, as well as chase them round the house.

Things are suddenly ‘missing’ in a very potent way sometimes.

Thank you to everyone that’s helped me, my family, my charity, my workplace arrangements, my sanity.. over these last 18 months.

I couldn’t have got this far without your help and kindness and compassion.

I could type the names of probably hundreds of generous people who’ve devoted time and energy to push me forwards and upwards, but inevitably I’d miss someone out, and then feel terrible that I had.

You’ll know who you are if you read these words- if you think you’ve done anything at all to assist my cause, then for sure you have, and I’m grateful to you.

I never thought that I’d ever be anywhere close to being happy again, yet I am. Not as content as I was pre injury, but so much closer than I imagined I’d ever get.

Last Xmas was a strange one inside my head – there just as an observer it seemed of everyone else having fun – but this time around it’s not like that.
For better or for worse, I’m so much more like the guy I used to be, on June 12th 2013, the day before my world stopped.

It’s started again now, and I’m not sad and afraid anymore.

I hope all my family and friends ( anyone reading this is included in that group) have a good Christmas, and appreciate all the good things in their lives, as I do more than ever before.

Xx

I now am the proud owner of a Stand Up Wheelchair.
I transfer onto it, strap myself in (across knees and chest), hit the switch and hey presto, I’m 6foot 1.
Which is considerably better than 3foot 6.

Last night I went to the pub in it, and was aware of the reaction from ‘on lookers’ to my slow elevation… Pretty positive I’d say.

I’d forgotten what it was like to stand around and have a beer.

Fellas, there’s one experience you definitely shouldn’t take for granted.

Downside?
The bloody thing weighs a ton.

So thanks to Dan and Adam for pushing me there and back, and to the nice bloke that helped lift my wheels up the large step into the George 1V pub on Chiswick High Road.

And thanks to Wendy for inviting me to her birthday party last night.

It’s 3.30 am and my legs are doing their twitching thing, keeping me awake.

Gone are the days of going out and then sleeping very heavily… There always seems to be a payback for having a good time now.

But it was lovely to see most of Dani’s side of the family, so close to Xmas – they’re a lovely lot.

I did get to see a few of mine at the Strictly night on Saturday too – an equally lovely lot, for the record!

…was where I was on Thursday, at the Varsity match, no less.

Oxford beat Cambridge by a record score, 44-7 I think.
I was interested, as a friend, Ed Doe, was playing on the wing for Oxford. So as well as being my cycle outrider in the summer, turns out Ed can play rugby as well.

Thanks to Ed’s girlfriend, Issy, and her folks, Janet and Jay, plus Jacqui and Tom, for inviting me and looking after me.

And trust me, I need looking after.

Nice picture of Ed and Issy enclosed.

I’d pretty much forgotten that I applied for Oxford, at 17 years of age, to study Biochemistry.
Obviously I wasn’t clever enough to get in, but I wonder where my life would have gone if I had.

It would have been totally different of course, and I’d never have been near Toulon in June 2013, and now not paraplegic either.

Sliding doors…

Sometimes I just lie awake at night, my twitching legs preventing me sleeping ( as now ) and just think.. Can I tolerate 30 plus more years of this?
It’s a long time -from 18 til now, for me.
Another life, but spent paralysed.

I think of my children to distract me from darker thoughts, but the technique doesn’t always work, leaving me just lying here, more than a little bit down.

Sometimes I have online chats with friends living on the other side of the world, where it’s daytime.
Thanks particularly to Arti, for so often being there.