For the last few weeks I’ve had fluctuations in my clarity of my distance vision. As an optometrist, i obviously concluded that this wasn’t normal. However, I’d had 4 huge operations and been on all kinds of new medications, lots of which may have at least partially explained the issue.

For the last 5 days though, I’ve felt very strange, intermittently feeling incredibly tired ( almost instantly ) extremely thirsty and dry mouthed to the extent that I have no saliva to even suck a sweet, a voice that is no better than a whisper,  and a feeling of not really being in the place that I actually am in.

Last night, my good friend Jeremy Day caught a bus with me to Hounslow ( I can’t catch one by myself – not now)  and we went to a Quiz night event to raise money for the political party that he supports. It was good because the team table that I was on included 5 five other mates of mine, that I didn’t know would be there.

The warm up challenge was to build as high a tower as possible with a standard size newspaper. My slightly engineering tendencies appeared, and we built a 5 foot stable tower, under my direction, which was a lot higher than the other 7 teams.

James Cracknell ( team captain and long term buddy ) was moved to draw me a picture ( see enclosed ). Having won more gold medals than most people in the world, I was quite pleased to be decorated by such a sporting legend as himself.

After that promising start ( and the prize of a bottle of wine ) I started to feel very ‘out of it’ again, with spasms too.

As my catheter had somehow broken free earlier, leaving me very wet from groin to mid thigh, I assumed that perhaps the wetness was the problem…

i got a push to the disabled toilet to see if I needed ’emptying ‘ and was surprised to find no urine to get rid of.

I went back to the table, feeling even more light headed than before.

This cycle repeated itself 5 more times in 3 hours, and my quiz contribution steadily declined as the night wore on.

As I’ve no idea as to why I get strange symptoms these days ( being cut off from 60% of your body is a problem when it comes to aches, pains and injuries that you can’t even feel ) there’s no point in seeking the medical expertise of others without a speciality in Spinal Cord injury.

What I did know though, was that I should have pee’d  at least a litre during the evening,  and had instead pee’d nothing at all.

Jeremy and I got a wheelchair Uber back, and I was helped into bed by Danielle and Amber, my still dry catheter now connected to a 4 litre empty bag.

Again, I failed to fall asleep naturally ( legs too jerky ) so resorted to a sleeping pill once again.

At 10 am ( a good 10 hours later ) I was woken by Anna, my carer.  My confusion being still evident, I didn’t recognise her for a few seconds, as well as not knowing where I was. The 4 litre ( 10 pint ) bag was now full, most certainly implying that I was absolutely full to bursting with urine that wasn’t releasing. As a bladder can’t hold 10 pints of pee, what happens is that it backs up into the kidneys and makes you feel very ill.

Two hours of being washed and dressed followed, then a trip upstairs via the internal lift. I think I lasted for less than an hour before I was mumbling and falling asleep in my chair, so I was helped, half consciously, into bed, instantly going into a deep sleep for another  2 hours.

Personally, belonging to a branch of the medical profession, I’d say that my symptoms indicate the possible  onset of diabetes.

Pre injury, I was the last person in the world to expect diabetes, being extremely fit and active, carrying hardly any body fat and being very strict about what I ate and drank ( well, except for alcohol ) but now I’m subject to the very much greater risk – down to having a spinal cord injury, I am far less in control of minimising my chances of being diabetic.

I called 111 NHS  two hours ago, endeavouring to have a doctor visit ( well I am currently bed bound, and going in and out of thought clarity – I don’t even know if this post makes proper sense  –  to be fair ) but no medic has arrived or been in touch, yet.

My body is still pouring out urine – I’m up to a tally for the day of 7 litres ( 15 pints ) and that is definitely not normal. My mouth is as dry as a camel’s armpit, and my eyes keep closing.

Without sounding like a hypochondriac, I’m fairly certain that I have something else wrong with me now.

That would be par for the course, lets face it.

On a lighter note, I’m a member of the Tate Modern, so get in free with my membership. I think my ‘ carer ‘ would get in free too.

Any volunteers, please apply.

The consistently daft Turner prize entries are now on display, I think, as well as other stuff.

I reckon if I were to shit myself, and then fall asleep in the wheelchair, I could be mistaken for an exhibit, and possibly win?

UberWAV’s are fantastic!

Loads of headroom, helpful drivers, proper ramps, and no feeling ( for me ) of being a nuisance.

Black cabs have quite often driven past me without stopping…. not nice.

So I’ve realised that I don’t really fit into a Black Cab anymore.

Because my spine is so fixed, with no bend, and the cab ceiling isn’t high, they have to force my head through the door… and then when inside my head is at right angles to my body.

No more Black Cabs for me then. They’re exactly twice the cost of an Uber cab, and totally unsuitable for myself.

On a lighter note, my brain seems so active and keen to make up for 3 years of lost time, that I find myself almost compelled to find out about things that I don’t know ( and that seems to be most things )  Because the Web has the answer to every factual question, it seems unacceptable to me suddenly not to just find out, if I wonder about something .

As that’s a lot more healthy than thinking about ways to kill myself most of the time for years 2-3 post injury, I’d say I’ve made a lot of progress .

Thanks to Marta and Pia for their company, and Kim for her  help today.

From Wikipedia

Soviet famine of 1932–33. Areas of most disastrous famine marked with black
The Holodomor (Ukrainian: Голодомо́р, “Extermination by hunger” or “Hunger-extermination”;[2] derived from морити голодом, “to kill by starvation”),[3][4][5] also known as the Terror-Famine and Famine-Genocide in Ukraine,[6][7][8] and—prior to the widespread use of the term “Holodomor,” as well as currently still—referred to also as the Great Famine,[9] and The Ukrainian Genocide of 1932-33[10] was a man-made famine in Ukraine in 1932 and 1933 that killed an estimated 2.5–7.5 million Ukrainians, with millions more counted in demographic estimates. It was part of the wider disaster, the Soviet famine of 1932–33, which affected the major grain-producing areas of the country.

During the Holodomor millions of inhabitants of Ukraine, the majority of whom were ethnic Ukrainians, died of starvation in a peacetime catastrophe unprecedented in the history of Ukraine.[11] Since 2006, the Holodomor has been recognized by the independent Ukraine[12] and 24 other countries as a genocide of the Ukrainian people carried out by the Soviet Union.[13]

Early estimates of the death toll by scholars and government officials varied greatly; anywhere from 1.8[14] to 12 million[15] ethnic Ukrainians were said to have perished as a result of the famine. Recent research has since narrowed the estimates to between 2.4[16] and 7.5[17] million. The exact number of deaths is hard to determine, due to a lack of records,[18][19] but the number increases significantly when the deaths inside heavily Ukrainian-populated Kuban are included.[20] Older estimates are still often cited in political commentary.[21] According to the findings of the Court of Appeal of Kyiv in 2010, the demographic losses due to the famine amounted to 10 million, with 3.9 million direct famine deaths, and a further 6.1 million birth deficit.[18]

Some scholars believe that the famine was planned by Joseph Stalin to eliminate the Ukrainian independence movement.[11][22][23] Using Holodomor in reference to the famine emphasizes its man-made aspects, arguing that actions such as rejection of outside aid, confiscation of all household foodstuffs, and restriction of population movement confer intent, defining the famine as genocide; the loss of life has been compared to the Holocaust.[24][25][26][27] If Soviet policies and actions were conclusively documented as intending to eradicate the rise of Ukrainian nationalism, they would fall under the legal definition of genocide.[28][29][30][31][32]

Well well… Brexit AND The Donald!

Neither were a surprise to me.

Anyway, my diary ( which doesn’t have any guidelines ) isn’t about world politics.

I mentioned Chernobyl in my last post.  It’s a modern day tragedy that that happened, and the effects of radiation poisoning will go on for hundreds more years.

The speaker found something out, whilst on his travels in that part of the world. You are allowed to visit Chernobyl for ONE DAY only – any more and you’ll be permanently radiation contaminated, and die.

Animals however have flourished because they breed before the radiation kills them, and their offspring live on, the circle repeating itself over and over.

What has stuck in my mind, was the fact that the Russians knew that the white hot core of the power station would sink, melting through rock, and eventually reach the water table beneath.  At that point the explosion generated by white hot radiation meeting cold water would have caused an explosion that killed everyone in Europe, and contaminated the water in the whole continent for hundreds of years, killing ALL human life on the continent of Europe.

The Kremlin ordered 100 miners to tunnel beneath the deadly power station ( assuring them that their boiler suits and gas masks were radiation proof )  and pump thousands of tons of quick set concrete in the downward path of the white hot core.

It was enough to stop the core sinking to the water table, thereby saving billions of people.

All 100 miners were dead within 30 days, their heroics never acknowledged or rewarded. The official Kremlin statement said that only 49 people had died altogether…..

The reality is demonstrated by the awful genetic mutations that will continue for countless years  – like those of the boy in this picture.

What an amazing night out.

Fascinating lecture by John Pilkington, who travelled across various countries after the breakdown of the Soviet Union

Met him in the bar afterwards and told him so.

Far from bringing happiness and riches to these newly independent countries, it seems to have brought poverty and infrastructure breakdown.

Once grandiose Cities and economies are crumbling away without the help of the Communist Party.

His revelations about the truth of Chernobyl were absolutely chilling.

Thanks to Dani for helping me once I’d got back fairly late. As I have no late night care plan I’m reliant on goodwill, and am grateful

My first day of District nurse and bowel care plus carer
It was fine
They were all lovely ladies
It’s a whole different world ? tbh but so far so good !

Thanks bigstyle to Anna ( carer, washer, smiler, conversationalist ) and Julie ( professional and very empathetic  ) and to Jeremy Day ( all round nice Geezer )

Anna took me to get a ( non posh £12 ) haircut, and now I’m in an UberWav wheelchair cab on my way to a lecture about:

Russia and Europe: what next? – John Pilkington

‘Passions are running high in Ukraine and the breakaway states of the Caucasus. In 2015 John met people on both sides of the disputed borders, and shares insights from his travels’

i don’t think that pre injury I’d have been going to this, I’d have been canoeing in the dark to prove to myself I was still a tough guy.

So far so good.

I think they’re all a bit taken aback my my redoing mental clarity.

Amber had no idea that I could speak French  – suddenly I’m useful when it comes to homework and pronunciation – well I never.

And she gets to have my iPhone -as I was upgraded to a new one.  So that’s 2 benefits!

Interrupting spousal TV watching routine also went quite well… well I didn’t really want to watch Poldark Episode 11, having seen  none of the others, so an ITV thing on Tutankhamen’s tomb discovery was an uncontroversial choice..

Take away pizza wasn’t really my thing – I can’t really eat fast food, having become used to eating very selectively and healthily in hospital ( as was totally my leaning in any case ) Two slices was more than enough for me.

The hospital bed in my room is a bit strange, but it does sit me up which is good.

I woke and shifted my legs from leaning one way to the other to pressure relieve my skin. Both legs then immediately fell off the bed and I could do absolutely nothing to get them back on.  The third person that I phoned was able to come and assist me – so no harm done .

District nurses come at ten for the Show, I haven’t as yet crapped myself, so that s a recent record ( 2  whole days )

My buddy, Jeremy is coming at 12 to entertain me (?) and I’ll hopefully get out tonight to do something cerebral, which I do have a plan for.

Getting divorced does mean that it’s not a given that I get invited out to ‘ friends ‘ events, and of course vice versa for my soon to be ex wife. So that’ll be interesting …. but for me most definitely humorous.

Missing the hospital staff already. Mario,  Sheku but particularly Pedro and Rahel are all very special people.

After 75 days in hospital ( they had said 21-42 ) I am about to leave.

Thank you to ( nearly all ) the nurses and doctors for their care.

I should never have let my surgeon do what he did.
That’s obvious now.

I need to stay in control, mentally.

I go back to Chiswick tomorrow, by myself with a suitcase and obviously strapped to a wheelchair,  to an uncertain environment.

Here in Hosp I’m safe, with help just a press of a button away

God knows what it’ll be like in the flat, trying to slot in. I feel like a square peg about to be shoved into a round hole.

I’m totally physically helpless and that makes me far weaker than I was 10 weeks ago.

I’m definitely going to need my friends, more than ever before.